You disappeared for a couple weeks Sarah, I didn't even really notice, sort of like you.

Eventually the police arrived and asked me if I knew you. They asked me to come with them and confirm that it was you. I remember looking at your cold, bloated, pale body. Your wrinkled palms and soles. Your purple cheeks and lips. They told me they found your body in the East river, you'd been there for a while.

I drowned ? I ask, shocked.

I can't swim, I was always afraid of the water. Something about not being able to touch the floor or keep my face out of the water. I remember how my father taught me how to swim. He threw me into a lake. I think he believed people learned better that way, by putting people in situations where they have to confront or deal with something they really didn't want to. I guess in his own little way he was right but all he managed to do was traumatize me. My father and I didn't talk much before he died.

My theory is you jumped off the 59th bridge, it's the closest to where we lived, Luca said, cutting my train of thought.

The 59th bridge? Which bridge is that?

You know the one that connects Astoria to the Silk district on the main island.

I didn't know what the hell Luca was talking about, i've never heard of those names before.

Do you mean the Queensboro bridge? I said correcting him

I've never heard of that, he replied. Were arguing semantics regardless, I think you threw yourself off a bridge. I think that's how you died.

Why would I throw myself off a bridge? I thought. I've had the occasional, stray suicidal thought but death by drowning sounded like the last way I wanted to go. I'd rather throw myself off a building and hit concrete than hit water.

Why did you ask me if I was involved with anyone that could get me in trouble?

Because to put it frankly, I don't know how you died. All I know is that you were found in the water.

Do you think someone threw me off?

You'd know that better than me Sarah.

I didnt know better than him, I had no fucking clue. Fuck why the hell did I ask him, I knew I shouldnt have asked. Now I can't shake the image out of my head. The feeling of being flung from somewhere up high, plummeting into water, fighting to keep your head above and your feet on top of something solid. But your feet can't find anything solid and you fight but the water slowly swallows your head as you keep plummeting slowly. Fuck drowning.

You seem quiet, said Luca. You okay?

Yeah, I said trying not to dig anymore into it.

You still think this is all imaginary?

I don't know, I replied. It feels real but neither of us can really prove that.

Wait! Hold on that's not exactly true! Luca erupted. Lemme just find it. I listened to Luca rummage through his belongings, I hear the squeaking of wood as he pulls the wooden draws in his bureau. I hear him close his drawer and exclaim a satisfied, “ah ha!” then the whirring of some kind of fan or machine. A flash of light jumps out from underneath his door followed by a piece of black cellophane paper. I pick up the slip of paper, turn it around and see his familiar face. It was him, not a doubt in my mind.

Look familiar? Luca exclaimed. You got the picture right? Please don't tell me i'm talking to myself.

My fingers dig inside my pockets and I grab my wallet. I pull out the only picture I have of me, my license and slide it under the threshold.

Wow I kind of feel stupid for looking for the Kodak when I couldve just slid my lisence to ya.

You mean Polaroid, I reply. He doesn't say anything for a while. I begin to wonder if I was gonna get my license back.

Can I have that back, I asked.

Yeah of course sorry about that, Luca replied, sliding my ID back through the door.

It's just I've never seen an ID like that before, New York, he said over pronouncing the O and the K.

Where is that?

Where is what, I asked.

New York?