He finally cried on my shoulder, he’s been holding it all together, trying to be strong, I notice that, but he pretends that I don’t.

I know he’s a mess right now, I basically do everything around his apartment, sometimes he doesn’t even want to get out of bed, I have to force him to get changed and do stuff. His depression came back two fold, it’s like seeing someone melt their skin off right in front of your eyes.

It’s like seeing someone carry their own shell, and you see it’s empty and have no way of putting it back together.

I feel hopless sometimes seeing him, like there’s nothing I can do for him, just be there for him, cook for him.

I made him cry again because I made a recipe similar to the way his mom made it, and it reminded him of her, he bawled his eyes out over a bowl of cereal.

He doesn’t mind me changing him or me taking care of him, this is not the first time it happened like this, back in collage he had a similar breakdown when he thought I was going to break up with him, In reality I was just planning something special for his birthday, but my action’s made it seem like I was breaking up with him.

He’s such a drama queen, but still, I can’t let him be alone right now. I sometimes find him staring at the knife like he’s the bread I cut. He hasn’t shaved, he looks like a homeless man, he dresses like one too. If it wasn’t only for his fancy apartment I would think that he’s broke.

We finally buried his mom, he only hugged me and held me close. Everything else he kept bottled inside of himslef.

-D.