I hesitated outside my door. I felt completely ridiculous. Who runs out like that? I knew I had to walk in eventually, but I was debating the pros and cons of simply freezing to death in the doorway.

And that’s when Zesper opened the door.

The first thing I noticed was how his eyes were rimmed with red, and I stood shock-still, all of Dolores' advice fleeing my brain.

And then he moved so fast I barely saw him, and in a flash, his arms were wrapped around my neck. His tail wove around my waist, and he was hugging me so tight I couldn’t breathe, not that I minded.

So many emotions surged through me at that moment, so many thoughts. And yet, all I could do was wrap my arms around Zesper’s torso, and bury my nose into his hair. I exhaled slowly, relief coursing through me.

Nothing bad can happen as long as he’s in my arms.

I could barely even feel the cold anymore, and I didn’t care one bit about my wide-open door. All I cared about was that Zesper was safe with me, and in that moment, that was all that mattered.

He eventually pulled away from me, and I ignored how empty my arms felt.

“You feel very cold. You should come back inside.” Zesper stepped back out the doorway, and I walked inside gratefully.

“Hey. I’m sorry.” I caught him by his shoulders, and I bent my head slightly, looking him in the eyes.

I did my best to push my feelings directly into my voice, and I watched as his eyes seemed to soften.

You need to tell this boy the entire truth and nothing but the truth.

“I know I should have told you sooner. I probably should have told you from the beginning.”

“Felix-”

I raised my hand. “Let me say this. I know I shouldn’t have kept secrets from you. I was scared for all sorts of reasons.”

I paused.

The entire truth.

“And I- I was scared of losing you Zesper. I didn’t want to risk that for anything. I know it hasn't been long, but I feel like I've known you forever.” I bit my lip, feeling completely and totally vulnerable for the first time in a long time.

“Felix. That is not why I was upset, although I appreciate your honesty.” Zesper looked up at me, smiling gently.

I felt thrown off balance. “Then why were you upset?”

And now it was Zesper’s turn to look embarrassed, and he ducked his head down. “It was what you said about… anyone wanting to be with you was an idiot.” The last part was whispered, as if he hoped I wouldn’t hear it.

I felt several things click into place. “Oh. OH. OH. Oh my god.”

My brain seemed to be malfunctioning in this crucial moment, and I could only stare at him open-mouthed as his skin flushed darker and darker.

He started scratching his wrist again as I internally yelled at myself.

SAY SOMETHING TO HIM YOU IDIOT.

“I, uh, Zesper, I-”

And I swear to you, it was just like a movie, and somehow my hands ended up cradling the sides of his face, and he was looking up at me, and gravity was dragging my head lower and lower. His tail wrapped around my waist like earlier, but slowly, and I felt flames burst along my skin. And then his eyes closed and my heart pounded so loud I thought my eardrums were going to burst.

I leaned my head down that last centimeter, and our lips connected, and fireworks went off in my brain. It felt like everything in my life had simply been leading up to this moment, and I couldn’t help it- I smiled largely against his lips.

I backed away after a couple of seconds, searching his eyes for a reaction. And I was met with the broadest smile I had ever seen him wear. He reached up to grab my face in return, and he pulled my head down so we were forehead-to-forehead.

“I wish to be with you, Felix. And I am no idiot.”

My mouth went dry, and I searched my brain for the right thing to say back. And among all the cool and suave responses I could have come up with, I closed my eyes, and only said, “Thank you.”

~~~

We were half sitting, half laying on the couch, and Zesper was laying between my legs with his head on my chest. Evidently Alex had left right before I got back, something about an emergency with Jasper. I was twisting pieces of Zesper’s hair as I told him absolutely everything I knew.

“I don’t know how we’re going to get you home,” I finished quietly, wishing I had a different answer for him.

“There is no hope… is there?” His words stabbed my heart, and that's because I knew they were true.

“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully, holding him to me tightly.

He was silent, and I felt tears drip onto my shirt. My heart ached for him, and it physically pained me that there was nothing I could do for him.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered the words, clutching him to my chest.

I didn’t get a response, and I rubbed circles into his back, and his tail wrapped around my left leg.

A part of me was filled with elation.

Zesper likes me! ME!

But every time a thought of that nature evaded my mind, guilt followed right afterward. Here he was, crying, because of the fact that it’s likely that he won’t ever get to see his family again. I felt bad for him, I really did. I had no idea of the type of pain he was going through. I had never met my mom, and if my father died I would likely celebrate it.

And yet, a tiny, dark part of me was happy because of it.

He won’t leave you now.

I mentally slapped myself every time I thought of it, but I couldn’t help it. While I would do anything at all to take this pain away from him, I couldn’t deny a part of me still held a sort of perverse pleasure in knowing he would still have to stay with me.

And I hated myself for it.