em0child7: Hey

spunkygirl76: hey

em0child7: Is everything with Jasper ok?

spunkygirl76: it was bad today felix

spunkygirl76: it was really bad

spunkygirl76: shes asleep now

spunkygirl76: i helped her calm down

em0child7: What happened?

spunkygirl76: she had one of her flashbacks. she couldnt even tell me what it was that she was remembering. she just sat there, shaking and sobbing.

em0child7: Im so sorry alex

em0child7: And i know you havent been spending as much time with her bc of Zesper

spunkygirl76: i wanted to talk to you about that, actually

spunkygirl76: also about you running and how it went w/ zesper

em0child7: We can talk about me and zesper in a second, what did you want to talk about?

spunkygirl76: do you think i can bring Jasper over tomorrow? to meet Zesper?

em0child7: … I don’t see why not

em0child7: I trust Jasper

spunkygirl76: thx

spunkygirl76: so what happened w/ u today

em0child7: I freaked out. I know it was stupid, but i did. My thoughts were screaming at me and i panicked.

spunkygirl76: how did it go when u got back

em0child7: wellllllll

em0child7: we kissed

em0child7: and then we had a long talk. I told him everything i know. he fell asleep on my chest… after crying. He knows as well as you and i do that theres no way for him to get home

spunkygirl76: OMG FINALLY

spunkygirl76: HOLY SHITTTT

spunkygirl76: HOW WAS IT

spunkygirl76: oh wait. Yeah. there really isnt any hope for getting him home, is there?

em0child7: no. there isnt

em0child7: man everything about this is fucked. I dont like thinking about it alex, i really dont.

em0child7: it just spirals me into a panic attack

spunkygirl76: i dont know felix i really dont

spunkygirl76: i worry about jasper sometimes

spunkygirl76: theres always this worry in my head that i wont be able to help her through 1 of her ptsd episodes

em0child7: dont worry alex. Your presence alone helps her you know, she loves you a lot. She cares about you a lot, and just you being there for her, and supporting her, that helps her so much on its own. You being yourself is so helpful alex.

spunkygirl76: thx felix

spunkygirl76: that means a lot

em0child7: ok im going to go to sleep then. Ill see you and jasper tomorrow

spunkygirl76: yeah gn

em0child7: gn

~~~

It’s your fault Felix…

Faces swirled around me. I was standing in a dark abyss, and I whirled around, trying to pinpoint the source of the whispers.

What makes you think you deserve to be loved…

“Shut up, shut up, shut up…” I muttered, covering my ears.

You’ll never really be happy. You don’t deserve it.

“That’s not true,” I whimpered.

I crouched on the ground, closing my eyes. Laughter sounded from behind me, and I swung out into the darkness wildly, panic rising in me.

You’d be better off dead.

“STOP IT!”

I jolted up to find Zesper sitting up, one of his hands on my shoulders, his eyes wide with worry.

“Felix? Are you alright? You were yelling while you were asleep.”

I gulped, then hunched over slightly, and tangled my hands in my hair. “Nightmare. Sorry.” My face was covered in sweat.

Zesper cradled my face in one hand, and I raised my eyes to meet his. My heart was still pounding in my chest like a jackhammer, and I couldn’t help but replay the whispers in my mind.

“Do you want to talk about it?” His hair was sticking up in every direction, and under any other circumstances I would have been thinking about how cute it looked, but right now I was busy thinking about how it was probably my fault that he was awake.

“No.” I whispered the word.

I can’t. Not yet.

Zesper frowned for a moment, and then he got up from the couch, pulling me along with him. “You will sleep better in a bed.”

I shuffled behind him, smiling slightly as I watched him. I could watch him for days and never get bored. His face was so expressive, and his body movements were such a big indicator of his mood. It was adorable (not that I would ever tell him I thought that).

He didn’t let go of my hand, not even when we went into my bedroom. I was vaguely confused at what he was doing, but Zesper collapsed on the bed and made a gesture for me to get on too.

I sat down hesitantly, and almost yelped when Zesper suddenly pulled me down next to him, only saying, “Comfort.”

My dream was completely pushed out of my head as Zesper pulled me to him, our limbs tangling together. I pulled over the covers, and my face flushed as Zesper wrapped his arms around me, my face being level with his shoulders.

He patted my head once he was finally done moving, and I couldn’t seem to summon enough brainpower to even remotely respond.

No, my brain was most concerned about how Zesper was holding me against his chest, with his tail wrapped around my waist. And how the end of his tail was brushing lightly over the skin of my hips. And how he still wasn’t wearing a shirt.

But despite the fact that I could barely breathe, I couldn’t help the smile that wound its way across my face. I loved how even though I didn’t tell Zesper what my dream was about, he still found a way to comfort me. It made me ache a little bit less inside, for the time being.

It made those whispers seem a little bit farther away.

So I wrapped my arms around Zesper’s torso, albeit tentatively, and I was able to ignore my thoughts, if only for that moment.