Wednesday

Senn had spent his entire Tuesday evening over at Elio’s, after dinner with Tessa and Dean had been extremely awkward and made him think back of old days. Elio had even allowed him to change his entire room to put every piece of furniture in the same spot Senn had them in when it was still his room. The desk was now back in front of a window, and the bed was back against the opposite wall, offering a view through the windows on the other side of the room. The TV was back in place, and Elio—after Senn had described it—had agreed he needed a sofa to sit on and play games, instead of sitting on his bed.

After they were done, and Senn lay down on the bed, staring out of the window, he felt at peace for a little while. Elio had allowed him to lay there in silence, not wanting to break the bubble Senn was in.

It wasn’t enough to vividly remember fading memories. The room was still simply too different, and Elio’s family made completely different noise. There were no sounds like Liam made, simply because there was no toddler running around the house hyper and happy, from room to room to show everyone whatever it was he discovered.

There were no sounds of a woman singing, or his dad’s muttering voice, asking questions to a magic 8-ball. There were little sounds in the house at all.

Elio’s father had been out, and even though Elio had 4 siblings, only one of them still lived at home permanently. Elena, which was the sister who still lived at home and used Killian’s old room, had been studying.

Senn only knew that because over the course of the evening she had come over three times to ask them to be quieter while moving around furniture.

But spending an evening there, trying to remember as much as he possibly could of happier times, caused him to feel homesick so badly, that he couldn’t get himself out of bed in the morning. He couldn’t get out, face the world, and pretend he was fine. He lacked the motivation to put on a mask that day.

Tessa had repeatedly tried to get him out of bed. At first she was friendly, then she got annoyed because he was running late, and eventually she got angry because she wouldn’t allow him to skip an entire day of school while he hardly had been in school for an entire day so far.

But all throughout her pleads, her angry words, her sighs, Senn stayed in bed and didn’t reply to any of it, rather trying to sleep some more because he felt like he hadn’t had a decent night of sleep in for ever.

Tessa had evidently gave up, and called him in sick.

Until around noon, Senn actually believed she was just going to let him be. That she had actually left for work and wouldn’t be home until later that day, giving him the entire house to himself. A house he hated but offered him some privacy—and apparently some alone time.

But before he had gotten out of bed to grab snacks and a drink, the door to his room opened and Tessa walked in with exactly what he wanted. As if his prayers had been heard, she walked in with cookies and two big glasses of fruit juice.

“Morning, Senn,” she greeted him with a soft voice and a gentle smile. “Did you get enough rest?”

“Will I ever?” he mumbled, watching as she placed the drinks and cookies on his nightstand. “What are you doing?”

“I want to talk to you, because I feel as if you’re not making any progress. On the contrary, I feel like you’re getting worse and I’m really worried.”

“Who says I want to talk?”

“If you don’t want to talk, you don’t have to. But right now, Dean and I have no idea what to do to help you and you’re smart enough to know it is creating tension between us that isn’t going to help any of us, let alone you.”

Senn remained silent, knowing she was right. But he didn’t want to talk, or accept any of this. If he’d talk to her like he would’ve talked to his mother, he felt like he was betraying his mother. But as he wondered if he should still at least tell her what was bothering him, so she would understand, he rolled on his back, and noticed the magic-8-ball roll towards him on the bed.

Signs point to yes.

So, he should tell her something?

“I just want you to know that we’re here for you, when you’re ready to talk about anything that is bothering you.”

Senn sighed deeply, before he turned his head to look at Tessa, who took a seat on the edge of his bed. And when she gently placed her hand on his arm, he closed his eyes and decided to give talking one chance. He was too tired to fight off her kind gestures and attempts to bond, so, maybe throwing out his deepest fears would get her to leave him alone again. Maybe if Tessa knew exactly why he didn’t want to talk to her, she’d realize it wasn’t her place to act like a mother.

“I just don’t want to pretend being happy. I don’t want you or Dean as my parents because my parents were awesome, and I don’t want to betray them. They might not even like me for who I really am anyway and that is hard enough to deal with without them watching down on me, replacing them with you guys. You two will never be as great.”

“Sweetie, you’ll never be able to replace them. And that isn’t what Dean and I are trying to do either. Your parents were indeed great parents and they raised great children. But we are family, and we love you unconditionally. We can support each other without replacing them.”

“It does feel like it, though,” Senn grumbled, though he was actually surprised she didn’t feel insulted that he said they weren’t good enough. “And even if this is just supporting each other and whatnot, I hate that they’re not around to ask them things I want to know. And maybe I already asked or told them things, but I forgot about it and it’s frustrating to no end to not know what they think of the person I’m becoming.”

“I know you’re not willing to tell me the things you want to know, and that’s fine. But I can tell you that I spoke to my sister—your mother—more than enough to know she was so, so proud of all of you, no exceptions.”

“But…” Senn sighed again, sitting up in his bed, grabbing hold of his head, “they didn’t know some things about me and what if they would disapprove of me if they knew everything? I will never know, right?”

“Senn,” Tessa chuckled, “do you know how much Jessica tries to keep hidden from us? We know a whole lot more than she thinks. And we do not always agree with everything. But she’s a teen, so we let her discover life and the world on her own terms, as long as we get to steer her away from mayor trouble. I know she went to a club a few times, for instance. Just like your parents knew you smoked weed and went to parties you weren’t supposed to be at. But just like Jessica, you never got into trouble. You were still responsible about those things.”

“Mom and dad knew I smoked weed?”

“They knew a lot more than you think, Senn,” Tessa said with a small, warm smile on her face. “Really, they knew you better than you think. Just keep that in mind whenever you doubt if they’d still love you if they knew something. Chances are, they already knew and didn’t say anything because it was fine to them.”