Suddenly, the realization that my missing best friend is in front of me hit me and I fall straight onto my ass. “Hey... Maya, you’re seeing this shit, too right? I’m not losing my goddamn mind, right?” I look over at Maya helplessly and she looks right back just as shocked. I turn my attention back to Leo and observe him. This person looks just like my Leo, he sits just like my Leo, and he is dressed like him. He is wearing black ripped jeans, a white shirt, and a dark green plaid over it. He looks just like the person who stormed out of my room just a mere nine months earlier.

“Hey, El,” Leo speaks up with his signature grin. “Been a while huh?”

My heart is pounding in my chest, and I can’t focus. He is right here, right in front of me, but my mind can only focus on his slightly see-through skin. “Holy fuck.. are you dead?” The first words I speak to my missing best friend come out completely unexpected and I quickly slam my hand over my mouth. “Shit sorry that’s probably not what you say to someone who might be dead.” A loud deep laugh escapes from Leo’s lips and he shakes his head.

“Glad to see you haven’t changed in the time I’ve been gone.” He says with a very Leo smile, a wide grin. “But… uh, I’m not dead. I think? I woke up in this dark, abandoned house in the middle of the woods. It was pretty freaky until this older woman appeared to me. And then it got even freakier, this woman was completely see-through and this odd red… light?? I’m not really sure what it was but it glowed around her. She told me that I was not dead that my body is just in a coma, and my conscience has become a sort of ghost? I don’t really understand what she meant, it’s all been a lot. Anyways I left the house and walked for hours until I finally reached town, but nobody could see me. No matter how hard I tried to gain people’s attention I was still invisible to them. That’s when I saw your car in the parking lot to the grocery store. I got your attention, but then when you ran over to me you couldn’t hear me. I could almost feel myself phasing out of sight, and then I could see you, but you couldn’t see me. That’s when I decided to head to your house because if anyone would be able to see me surely it would be you.” Leo finally finishes his story with a deep sigh and sinks into the couch. I slowly blink and open my mouth trying to formulate an answer. My mind, however, is completely blank and I sit gaping my mouth like an odd little fish. Thankfully, Maya saves me from any further embarrassment when she finally responds.

“Well… uh… I don’t really know what to think or even what to say. I mean all I gathered from that is you are alive..” Her face breaks out into a large grin when her words finally hit her. “Oh my God.. you’re fucking alive! I was right! I knew you weren’t dead! I knew in my heart there was no way!” She jumps over the top of the couch and wraps Leo up in a large hug. I feel a pang in my heart as I watch them hug. I want to hug him, I really do, but I can’t trust that it really is him. If it’s not him and I get my hopes up once again I don’t know if I could recover. Maya releases Leo from the hug and starts to bombard him with questions. His eyes drift over to me, and he gives me a sad smile. I can tell there’s something he wants to say, and it makes me wonder if he remembers what happened that night. If he does remember than it’s clear that, that is the real Leo. My heart flutters as his eyes meet mine. They are such a striking color they make it hard to look away. I rise to my feet and gingerly sit next to Leo. He turns to me with a grin and lightly touches my hand with his. “Hi.”

“Hey.” I say with a slight smile touching my lips. He hesitates before wrapping both of his arms around me tightly. I can feel the steady beat of his heart pick up when I lay my forehead on his shoulder. “I missed you.” I mumble quietly into his shoulder. Even though he is supposedly a “conscience ghost” he is still warm and breathing. His skin is soft against mine and he still smells like aftershave and the woods.

“I missed you too.” He says and quietly adds, “And I’m sorry for that night. I shouldn’t have walked out.” With those words being said he pulls me even closer to him like he never wants to let go. I pull away from the hug and lean against the back of the couch.

“So… How do we get you back into your body?” Maya asks suddenly.

“I’m… not exactly sure. I asked the old lady, but she had no idea either. We need someone who knows what they’re talking about. The problem is I have no idea where the hell to find someone like that…” His eyebrow furrows as he recalls something. “Wait. Elias your Aunt Celine is into spiritual stuff, right?” He asks as he turns his attention to me.

“I don’t know if its necessarily what we need, but yes.”

“Okay well, she only lives an hour and a half away. Soo is there any chance we could visit her tomorrow?” He gives me a look he knows will work on me. It always has and probably always will. I sigh and rub my temples not really wanting to drive that far, but begrudgingly agreeing. As much as I hate to admit it, I would do anything for him.

“I uh… Well, I guess we might as well ask my aunt. She should know all about this kind of thing. Maya, are you busy Saturday?”

“No. I don’t know if my dad will agree to a road trip, but I’ll convince him.” Maya says with a smile. “We’re going to figure out what happened to you Leo, and how to get you back to yourself.” We talk for hours after that, until around midnight when Maya informs us, she has to go home. Maya waves to us and gives Leo another big hug as she walks out the door. Leo and I sit in an uncomfortable silence after Maya leaves. I want to say something to him, but I don’t know how. How does someone casually apologize for inevitably being the reason they get kidnapped?

“I guess we never got the chance to talk huh.” Leo says with an awkward smile. I notice him twisting his fingers around each other, and staring at the floor.

“About that… I want to apologize. If it weren’t for me and my impulsiveness you would never have been taken.”

“You don’t know that.” Leo says quietly. I feel rage start to build up in my heart. How can he be so forgiving when I royally fucked up?

“Yes, I do. It’s my fault. I should have never been such an idiot!” My voice starts to rise as I start getting slightly hysterical. “I’m the reason you never got to finish junior year! I’m the reason you never got to talk to Kourtney. I’m the reason your siblings have been lost without you, and your mom has been more distant than ever.” Tears start to well up in my eyes. I’m such a fuck-up. I don’t deserve to live. I feel shame flood my face as I start to get emotional, but I can’t stop myself. “If I hadn’t-“ Leo cuts me off by grabbing my face in his hands.

“Stop. It’s not your fault El. I overheard my kidnappers talking. They kidnapped me for a ransom for one of my parents.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“My memory was fuzzy when I first woke up, so now everything is rushing back to me at once. My point is none of this is your fault.” He frowns at me and softly brushes a few loose hairs out of my face. “The fact that you’ve been thinking this is your fault makes me angry. Not at you, just at how people are influencing you. You’re not a bad person. I don’t care what they say.” His eyes betray every emotion he’s feeling. He’s always been such an open book and good person. I used to be so jealous of him before the jealousy turned to… other things. My heart swells as I look into his eyes. There are so many things I want to say to him.

“I’m sorry I cried. That wasn’t proper of me.” I say instead of everything I’ve been wanting to tell him for almost a year. He rolls his eyes at my words, looking slightly annoyed.

“There’s nothing wrong with showing your emotions. Especially to me, you can trust me with everything you know.”

“Kai and I broke up.” I say suddenly. He squints his eyes as he carefully processes this information and lets go of my face. Suddenly, his face breaks out into a huge grin.

“Goddamn finally. I thought you were never gonna dump that asshole. Speaking of, is he still as douchey as the day I left?” He elbows me gently and laughs.

“Okay, first of all, he isn’t that bad. Second of all, I still have no idea why you hate him so much. Third of all, before you ask I broke up with him because he was being a jerk about you after you disappeared.” I say with annoyance. He smiles brightly regardless of my annoyance and looks pleased with himself.

“Well, I’m really not complaining about you breaking up.” I give him the side-eye and stand up slowly.

“So, do you sleep or…?”

“I’m not exactly sure, but damn I sure hope I can.” I laugh softly and nod.

“Yeah, that would fucking suck if you can’t.” I untie my sweatpants and quickly pull them down before discarding my t-shirt. I turn around to see Leo awkwardly standing in the middle of my room with a bright red face. “Dude… are you okay? Your face is really red…”

“Oh… uh… yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” He says as he walks over to my bed and lays down. I raise my eyebrow at him and frown.

“Why are you lying in my bed?” I ask with an exasperated sigh. I was using all of my self-control to not blurt out every thought and feeling to him. The sight of him lying in my bed shirtless wasn’t helping either.

“I mean I’m a ghost soo it shouldn’t be a big deal if I lay in your bed.” He says with a cheeky grin.

“Whatever.” I mutter as I push him over and settle myself into bed. My heart pounds in my chest as I hear his soft breathing by my ear. I don’t understand how he can seem so real and alive when this is his conscience. I know he said he’s alive, but I can still see through his body. “I started listening to Creep.” I say quietly into the darkness.

“Ah, so all it took was for me to disappear for you to finally listen to good music?” He asks me with a teasing tone in his voice.

“That’s not why I listened to it you ass. I don’t know how to describe it, but I just can relate to it I guess. You know I like listening to music that I can relate to.”

“Which is why all of your music is so sad and angry.” He says it jokingly, but I can hear the hurt behind the joking tones. I turn to my side and look at him with a sly smirk.

“What can I say, I’ve got more issues than Mr. Rockstar himself.” I can barely make out him rolling his eyes at me.

“Speaking of, how’s my band doing?” I frown knowing the current devasted condition of his band. Lee loves his band more than anything in the world.

“To be frank, they’re not doing too well. The band kind of fell apart I haven’t seen or talked to any of your bandmates since you disappeared.” I look over at his face to catch the crestfallen expression he is currently wearing. I hate when he looks like that, such an intense sadness only I have the luxury of witnessing. Not that I ever want to witness this expression, because it hurts me.

“Oh. I’m going to bed. You should go to sleep too.” And with that statement, he turns his back to me and signals that the conversation is over. I want him to open up to me and let me in instead of shutting me out. He always shuts me out like this though… he always has. It’s like it's his way of protecting himself, but also putting on a strong façade for everyone around him. I just wish he would open up to me and let me be there for him like he’s there for me.

“Goodnight Lee.” I say with a sigh and turn to my side facing away from him.