He was left with his own thoughts once again. He hated his life, his body and his mind, he just wanted to disappear. He wanted to be someone else, anyone else but himself.
He'd never felt this empty inside before, this disgusted with himself and the way they all looked at him. They didn't see the boy behind the body. The only thing they could see when they looked at him was a cheap whore. No one will ever be able to love you, you’re ruined. Your body is used, no one can love someone like you. The words were painful, he could hear the voice as clear as day and he couldn't shut it out, no matter how hard he tried. It would always haunt him. Not only because it was painful, but because it was true. He knew that no one would ever love him, he wasn't someone you could be proud of. Dashiell was just something people would shove their cocks into and then leave without a second glance. Whore, whore, whore. He couldn't stop crying. He had never cried this much before, but then again, he'd never felt this broken. He turned onto his back and stared up at the stone ceiling. His body was hurting after the beating, but he didn't care, right now he liked the pain because he deserved the pain. He couldn't blame Averet or the Prince for what happened to him. It was his own fault.
Averet was sitting just outside of his cell. He wasn't talking or checking upon him. He just simply sat there.
The tears on Dashiell's cheeks had finally dried, there were no tears left in his body. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. His head was killing him after sobbing so much and he could still feel the ghostly touch of Eudon's hands on his body.
He was wrapped up in the blanket, still naked underneath, and it made him feel vulnerable. He got up and went over to pick up his pants, his whole body was aching. He looked around quickly to make sure that Averet wasn't watching, since he didn't want him to see him naked again.
He hurried to pull them on and threw the blanket back on the bench. He picked up his shirt, or rather what was left of it. It had been torn to pieces so there was no use to even try and put it on. He needed a shirt; he didn't want to walk around half-naked all the time. He walked up to the bars and cleared his throat.
“I need a shirt,” he said. His voice was low and hoarse, it hurt when he spoke. He sounded pathetic and he hated that.
Averet stood and walked up in front of him. He really was a beautiful man. His dirty blonde hair was swept back off his forehead, glass blue eyes and sharp cheekbones. His skin was milky white, and Dashiell watched the long lean muscles of his forearms flex as he folded his arms across his strong chest. He scanned Dashiell’s bruised body before nodding. He turned away and was about to leave, but Dashiell stopped him.
“Please,” he whispered. “I don't want to be alone.”
“I'm not leaving.” Averet said, “I told you, that I was going to guard you.”
“That's not…” Dashiell sighed, “that's not what I meant!”
“What do you want?” Averet sounded cold towards him and he refused to meet his eyes.
“You know what I want!” he cried, and Averet shook his head.
“Yes, but I can't give that to you,” Averet said in almost a whisper. Averet turned his back to his cell and leaned against the bars. “I meant what I said,” he mumbled. “I'm truly sorry for what has happened to you. I should've known. We should've put guards down here as soon as he laid his hands on you the first time.” Dashiell could hear the sincerity in his voice.
“Eudon was right though,” Dashiell shrugged and that made Averet turn around in anger.
“Don't say that.” he bit out.
“Why? You know it's true. I'm just a whore. I'm used to it.”
“That does not justify rape!” Averet yelled.
“You can’t call it rape, when I do it every day anyway,” Dashiell mumbled, repeating the words of Eudon.
“Don't listen to what he told you, Dashiell. You didn't want it. You were scared, tied up… you were fighting it. No matter what you do, and how you choose to earn your money, rape is rape.”
“Why do you care so much?”
“Because I, I…uh,” he stammered. “It doesn't matter. I just do.” Dashiell just nodded. “You should wrap the blanket around you, it's cold down here. As soon as Anselet comes to take over the watch I’ll find you a shirt.”
Once again, Dashiell just nodded. He didn't know what to say. There was nothing more to say. Averet was watching as Dashiell picked up the blanket and covered himself up.
He sat down and starred back into those blue eyes; Dashiell wondered what he saw when he looked at him. Did he actually see the person beneath the skin? He knew he saw something else than just a boy who'd spread his legs for money.
Averet was about to say something. He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, but no words came out. He simply just stood there, not knowing what to do with himself.
Dashiell laid down on his back and stared up at the ceiling again. He just wanted to close his eyes and never open them again. He could still fell Averet’s gaze on him, but he refused to look.
“Is that the boy Eudon raped?” It wasn’t a voice Dashiell knew. He’d been so lost in his own thoughts that he hadn’t heard the footsteps of the other man.
“Your Highness!” Averet sounded shocked, so Dashiell knew that he’d been lost in his own mind too. Averet dropped to his knee in front of the Prince. “I did not hear you coming.”
You and me both! Dashiell refused to look at the prince and he would never kneel for him. He stayed on the bench with his eyes fixed on the ceiling.
“Rise Captain,” the prince said and so he did. “Well, is it?”
“Yes, Your Highness.” The boy who got raped? I’m not a fucking boy anymore, Dashiell thought. He hated the label he was given, it made him feel used and weak.
“Get up.” the prince said, and Dashiell knew that he was talking to him.
“No.,” he said. He wasn’t about to show that piece of shit any respect.
“Dashiell!” Averet sneered. “Get up.”
Dashiell turned his head to look at them. Dammit! He thought when he looked at the prince. He was absolutely beautiful; how would he be able to look away when that was standing in front of him. Averet was looking at him, pure rage in his eyes.
“Well,” Dashiell said, sitting up slowly. “Since you ask so nicely Captain.” He knew it would piss them off, that he didn’t take the order from the prince, but from his captain. Averet was shaking his head while looking apologetically at the prince.
“I’m sorry Your Highness. He doesn’t really… have any good manners.” Averet sighed.
“That’s not true,” Dashiell said, standing up and walking slowly towards the bars. “I’m really good at behaving,” he looked at the prince with disdain, “just ask your guard. He can absolutely tell you how good I was.”
“Shut your fucking mouth!” Averet shouted, “You don’t speak that way to your prince!” He moved to unlock the cell door, and Dashiell knew that he would kick his ass when he got in there.
“Stop!” The prince ordered, holding out his arm. “Don’t hurt him!”
“He was disrespectful to you, Your Highness, he deserves to get punished,” Averet said.
“I think he’s been punished enough.”
“Yes, of course, Your Highness.” Averet stepped back and stared at Dashiell.
“Take him to my quarters. Bathe him, dress him and give him some proper food. He will not be staying down here anymore.” The prince ordered.
His quarters! I don’t want to go to his fucking quarters. I want to get out of here! Away from this castle.
“Your Highness… you can’t be serious?” Averet said, but the prince was very serious. Both Averet and Dashiell were rather shocked, this what not what either of them had expected.
“It’s an order Captain,” he said before he turned around and left.
Averet and Dashiell stared at each other for a moment. Neither of them knew what to say, and a thousand thoughts ran through Dashiell’s mind. He didn’t want to go anywhere near the prince, but it was his only chance to escape this cell. He’d let them serve him and then he would try run away.
“Well,” he said with a mischievous smile, “let me out of this shithole! Princes order!” He couldn’t help but laugh a little.
“Oh so suddenly you take orders from him?” Averet sighed, opening the cell door.
“No,” Dashiell laughed as he walked past Averet to relative freedom, “but you do!”
“You are going to be the death of me,” Averet mumbled as he followed him out of the dungeons.
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