*Warning- This chapter contains sensitive material that may be upsetting or triggering to some readers; mentions of rape* 

“Alex is bringing her girlfriend over to meet you today.”

Me and Zesper were sitting at my table, him in only a pair of sweatpants that hung dangerously low on his hips (not that I was looking at his hips).

“She is safe to meet?” Zesper jerked his head up from the chocolate chip pancakes that he had been eating.

“Yeah, she’s cool. She’s a little, er, different though. She can be very intimidating when you first meet her but don’t let that get to you. She’s nice once you get to know her.” I took silent pleasure in the mess that was Zesper’s bed-head.

Cute.

He caught me watching him, and he smirked at me. I could already tell by the look on his face that I wasn’t going to like what he was about to say. “You have reminded me of a question I wanted to ask you.”

“What is it?” I squinted at Zesper, instantly suspicious.

He leaned on the table, propping himself up by his elbows. “I saw something in one of your books, and I wanted to ask you about it.” He openly grinned at me.

It took me a second to realize what he meant, but as soon as I did, my face flushed red.

“I CAN’T ANSWER, SORRY!” I laughed nervously as I shoved my chair away from the table.

Nope nope nope nope.

I walked out of the room at top speed, and Zesper immediately followed. “I thought you were supposed to explain Earth things to me, though?”

“Not this one!” I bolted into my room, Zesper directly behind me.

“You haven’t even heard what it is, yet.” I could hear the laughter even in his voice.

“I can already guess if you found it in my mangas! Goddammit it, Alex.” I muttered the last part mostly to myself, making a note to really yell at her later.

I looked around my room. There was nowhere else for me to run, and I turned to dig in my dresser to avoid looking at Zesper.

I know I’m being dramatic but I also know that I will not be able to ‘stay calm’ if I try to explain anything from those books to Zesper.

“Why will you not tell me?” I jumped when Zesper’s chin settled on my shoulder. I could feel his breath on my neck.

His hands very slowly snaked around my waist, and I found it was much harder to think than before. And then it hit me.

“You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?” I turned my head slightly in an effort to glare reproachfully at him.

“You are cute when you are embarrassed. I can not resist.” He pressed slightly closer to me, and his hands rested on my hip bones.

My mind surged without warning and a memory was pulled from where I had buried it, long ago.

“No Leo, I don’t want to. You’re too rough.”

“You know you like it.”

“No, I don’t… I don’t want to… stop it… please.

I jerked away from Zesper in a blind panic, something I wish I’d been able to do all those years ago. It took me a couple of seconds to realize I was standing on the opposite side of the room as Zesper, with my hands held in front of me like a barrier. His eyes were wide as I took in deep gulping breaths.

“I am sorry, I did not mean to make you uncomfortable. I should have asked first. I am sorry.” Zesper’s face looked pained, and I realized what I was looking at was guilt and regret.

I struggled to get my thoughts together, and shame crashed over me like a wave. I brought a hand over my mouth, shaken from something I hadn’t thought about it in a long time.

“It’s not you-” I cut myself off as a strangled sob left my mouth. My body folded in on itself, and I wondered if I could make myself so small I would cease to exist.

It was as if a crack had appeared, and now everything was falling into pieces, and now all I could see, all I could hear, all I could feel was the memory of one of the worst days of my life. I could hear someone else muttering and whimpering, and it finally occurred to me that someone was me.

“Felix?”

I blinked, and Zesper came in focus. He was standing in front of me, his hands held out cautiously. I felt wetness on the hand that was still covering my mouth, and it took me a moment to realize that I was crying.

“I’m so-sorry, it’s not your f-fault,” I tried to wipe my hands across my face, embarrassed. “It was a-a, a memory.”

“What happened?” Zesper was speaking softly, and he gently set his hands on my shoulders, treating me like I was a bomb about to go off any minute.

“Just remembered a re-really bad memory. Sorry.” I pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes.

“Did I do something wrong? Tell me and I will not do it again.” I could hear the concern in Zesper’s voice.

“No, it wasn’t you. Sorry.” I took a deep, steadying breath, ignoring the fact that my shoulders were still shaking.

“You do not need to apologize.” Zesper held out his arms, and I leaned into the hug gratefully.

We were both silent, and we stood like for a while, the two of us. I never did tell Zesper what I had remembered, and I never did tell him what happened to me. I think he eventually figured it out on his own anyway.