The only reason Dashiell woke up was that he had to throw up. Moving made him scream, and tears began to roll down his cheeks again. He couldn’t bear to open his eyes, he couldn’t think, and he couldn’t hear anything. It felt like he was trapped underwater. His back was hurting so much, that he wished he were dead. He couldn’t take it; it was too much.
“It’s going to be okay,” someone said beside him.
He couldn’t hear the voice clearly enough to recognize it. He felt someone brush the hair away from his forehead, and he leaned into the touch. It felt so good to be touched without being hurt. “Try to sleep again, I’ll be here,” he heard, as the person played carefully with his hair. He didn’t want to sleep. He wanted to die.
He opened his eyes slowly. He was lying on a soft bed, on his stomach. The room was dark, aside from a thin strip of light breaking through the curtains. The pain in his back was still unbearable, but he could get through this. He knew he could. For a second, he’d forgotten where he was but once he remembered everything, he tried to sit up. He needed to getaway. He couldn’t be here. Not anymore.
The pain made him scream, and he started to lose consciousness, his vision turning black.
“Hey! Don’t move!” a voice said, as someone rushed to his side. Averet.
“Please don’t hurt me again,” Dashiell whispered. His throat felt wrecked and his entire body hurt with the effort to talk and move.
“I won’t.” Averet ran his hand gently through Dashiell’s hair. “I won’t hurt you.”
“You’ve said that before,” Dashiell said, trying to pull away from his touch, but he couldn’t move. “You promised me,” he didn’t even realize he was crying until Averet wiped a tear away. You promised you promised, you promised. It was the only thing in his mind. It wasn’t Averet’s fault! He had to do it! You can’t blame him for your own mistake!
“I’m sorry,” Averet whispered. He took Dashiell’s hand and caressed his fingers. “I shouldn’t have done it.”
“He gave you no choice,” Dashiell cried. “He’d hurt you instead.”
“I should’ve helped you.”
“No… It’s okay. It’s going to be okay,” Dashiell closed his eyes and let sleep take him again.
The next time he woke up he could move a little more. He wanted to sit up but wasn’t strong enough to do it alone. Not yet at least. His throat was hurting, and he needed something to drink. Slowly, he tried to turn onto his side, but he couldn’t. The pain was still awful, but it didn’t make him scream or throw up anymore. He sighed and tried to turn again.
“You shouldn’t move too much,” Erat said with a smile. He walked over to the bed and crouched down next to him. “How are you feeling?”
“Thirsty,” Dashiell mumbled.
“Of course,” Erat took a silver goblet from the bedside table.
“Help me sit up, please,” Dashiell croaked when Erat held the goblet to his lips.
“You shouldn’t move around too much yet,” Erat said, as he tipped the goblet a bit. It wasn’t easy to drink while lying on his stomach. A lot of water was spilled, but he enjoyed every drop that touched his tongue. Erat placed the goblet back on the table before wiping some of the spilled water away from Dashiell’s chin.
“I just want to sit up for a minute,” Dashiell looked into Erat’s warm eyes. “Please.”
“Okay, but if it’s too much, you tell me,” Erat said firmly. Dashiell just nodded. “Right, I’ll turn you onto your side, okay? If it hurts too much -” Dashiell didn’t let him finish his sentence before interrupting him.
“I’ll tell you! Don’t worry,” Erat smiled at him, and began to turn him slowly onto his side. It hurt like hell, but Dashiell bit his lip to stop himself from crying out. He needed to sit up, no matter how painful it was going to be.
“Is it too much?” Erat asked softly once he was finally on his side.
“No, it’s okay… just give me a second,” he said through gritted teeth.
Getting up was harder than he thought it would be. Erat was very patient and gave him time to collect himself with each movement. It felt good to be in another position. Erat sat down on the bed next to him.
“Is this okay?” he asked with a smile.
“Yes, thank you for helping me,” Dashiell said. He tried to reach over to grab the goblet, but he couldn’t stretch his arm without significant pain.
“Don’t,” Erat grabbed it, holding it to Dashiell’s lips again. He wanted to tell him that he was capable of holding the goblet himself, but it felt good to have someone taking so much care of him. “Dashiell, I’m really sorry for what happened to you.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” Dashiell answered. He was the one that ran away. He knew Isandros was dangerous and that it could’ve killed him. It was no one’s fault but his own.
“I didn’t know what he would do to you. I thought he would just lock you up in the room for a while. I never thought he would hurt you,” Erat looked broken. Like a man who hated himself for a mistake that wasn’t even his. “If I’d known, I would never have told him about your escape.”
“You did your job, Erat. There’s nothing wrong with that. Besides… he would have just hurt you if he ever learned the truth.”
“I just wished I could’ve helped you. Both of us did.” He said as he looked out of the window.
“How long was I out?” Dashiell asked after a moment, just to change the subject. He didn’t know what to say that would make Erat feel less guilty.
“A little over a week. You opened your eyes many times, but I don’t think you were really awake.”
Dashiell didn’t get a chance to answer before the door to his room opened and Averet stepped in. He stopped in shock when he saw Dashiell.
“Why are you sitting up!” he was almost yelling. “You shouldn’t be moving… it’ll hurt you too much!”
“Easy! I’m okay,” Dashiell said with a little laugh, “I just couldn’t lay still anymore.”
“Does it hurt? Do you want to lay down again?” Averet knelt before him, taking Dashiell’s head between his hands, making him look into his eyes. “Is there anything I can do?”
“No, I’m fine. Just stop panicking,” Dashiell couldn’t hide his smile.
“I’m not panicking!” Averet insisted, standing up again.
“You are kind of,” Erat said and winked at Dashiell.
“Oh shut up,” he mumbled, cheeks turning red, turning his back to them, which made Erat and Dashiell laugh. Even though it hurt, he couldn’t stop. It just felt good to be with people who would take care of him and who could make him laugh. Someone who was worried about him and no one ever worried about him. He liked the way Erat was talking to him now. He didn’t treat him as a prisoner but as a friend, or at least something close to a friend. And he loved the way Averet would blush all the time.
“Well, you are in good hands now. I’ll be back tomorrow” Erat said, making his way to the door.
“Wait!” Dashiell yelled and Erat looked back at him. “That book I asked you about in the cells, do you think I could get it now?”
Erat smiled at him.
“Of course.”
“You can read?” Averet asked which made Erat laugh.
“See, I’m not the only one who was surprised about that!” he pointed towards his captain, smiling. “And he is not an idiot!”
“What?” Averet asked, confused.
“Nothing! I’ll see you tomorrow, captain,” he said, leaving the room.
“I never said you were an idiot,” Averet said, his tone defensive.
“I know, don’t worry about it. But yes, I can read.” Dashiell smiled. “I really want to lay down again… will you help me?”
“Of course,” Averet rushed to his side and helped him onto his stomach “Have you had your wounds cleaned?”
“Not in the time I’ve been awake.” He was in a lot of pain after moving around so much, it was a relief to lay down again.
Averet didn’t say anything. He walked into the bathroom and Dashiell couldn’t stop looking at him. He knew that he should be angry at him, or even scared of him after what happened, but he wasn’t. He knew that Averet would never do anything to him unless it was a direct order from the asshole prince. Dashiell hoped that Barret would hurry the fuck up and kill the prince before he’d be well enough to work for him. He regretted saying yes, but he had no choice. It was either that or death.
Averet came back with a bowl of water and a cloth. He sat down next to him and Dashiell watched as he wet the cloth before pressing it gently down on his back.
“I thought you said that you didn’t attend to people,” he said with a smile.
It felt good when Averet pressed down. The chill of the water was making his back numb to the pain. He could see Averet was blushing again.
“I don’t,” he mumbled, though he couldn’t hold back his smile.
“Oh, so you just want to get your hands on me then. I knew you were flirting with me!” Dashiell laughed.
“Stop it,” Averet removed the cloth from his back, dipping it back into the water. “I’m not flirting with you.”
“Then why are you blushing all the time!” Dashiell teased.
“Because you’re making me feel awkward.”
“It’s okay, we all have our weaknesses.”
“Oh shut up. I’m not interested in you,” he sighed
“A ladies’ man then?” Dashiell asked with a smile.
“No!”
“Then… it’s just me you don’t like?”
“What?” Averet said loudly “No… I’m just not interested in anyone - not like that.”
Dashiell had never seen anyone blush as much as Averet did, but it was charming.
“What does that even mean?”
“I don’t feel the need to be with someone. I don’t know why,” Averet said as he pressed the cloth against his wounds again. “Sex is just not my… thing.” Dashiell could stop himself from laughing.
“We could be one hell of a weird couple then. A whore and a person who doesn’t want to fuck him! People would definitely wonder how we even met.” Dashiell laughed and Averet just shook his head, smiling.
Dashiell smiled and closed his eyes, while Averet continued cleaning his back.
“How bad does it look?” he asked softly. He didn’t want to know, but he had to. He had to know how disfigured it made him. His back would never be normal again, he knew that. Even when the wounds healed, the scars would still be there. It would look disgusting, and there was nothing he could do about it.
“It doesn’t look so bad anymore. The wounds are healing fast,” Averet said.
“No one will want to be with me anymore. They’ll take one look at this, and then they’ll leave. I’m disgusting,” Dashiell sighed. “No one would want to pay for someone as damaged as me.”
No one would ever touch him again. His clients liked him because he looked so pure. Innocent. The prince, Isandros had taken that away from him. He couldn’t imagine that anyone would ever let their hands run slowly up and down his back. They would be repulsed by him when they asked him to bend over or get on his hands and knees. He couldn’t hold his sobs back anymore. Isandros had broken him, ruined him, used him. He had made sure that Dashiell would never be able to make a living for himself again.
Dashiell clenched his fists in the sheet as the tears rolled down his cheeks. Averet was caressing his hair in an attempt to calm him down, but it wasn’t working.
“You’re not disgusting. And you don’t need to worry about those things anymore,” Averet said. “You won’t be going back to the streets. You’ll get paid very well for serving the crown. When it’s all over, you never have to let another person fuck you, unless you want them to.”
“What if Barret doesn’t want to be with me now?” He said as he opened his eyes to look at Averet. “Will Isandros kill me? I’d be no use to him if Barret doesn’t want to fuck me!”
“Dashiell, I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. None of this is.” Dashiell said, taking the captain's hand in his.
“I was the one who did this to you,” Averet said, closing his fingers around Dashiell’s small hand. “I made you a promise, and I broke it.”
“What do you see when you look at me?” Dashiell asked. He sees you for what you are, whore. his mind said, but he tried to ignore it.
“I see a man, who is braver than most people,” Averet answered and squeezed his hand gently.
“I’m not brave.”
“Yes you are, you just don’t see it. But I do. I see you now, Dashiell.”
Comments (5)
See all