The second week came and Dashiell was finally able to move around as he pleased. His back still ached and not all of the wounds had healed completely, but he felt good. He felt alive for the first time in a long time.
He hadn’t seen Isandros since he gave the order for the skin to be torn from his back, but he didn’t mind. He wanted the prince to stay far away so he couldn’t lay a hand on him again.
Averet, Erat, and Anselet were looking out for him. Anselet, who had ignored him down in the cells was beginning to open up to him a little more. Dashiell would say something funny and Anselet would laugh and say something back. They weren’t going to become best friends, but Dashiell would take what he could get, to stop him from feeling lonely.
Averet was by his side every day. He helped him to get on his feet again, he’d taken him outside on the balcony to let breath in some fresh air, he would clean the wounds and make sure Dashiell had everything he needed. I see you now, he’d told him, and Dashiell couldn’t stop thinking about it. To Averet, he wasn’t just a stupid whore, he was a person. No one had ever looked at him the way Averet did and the thought alone made him blush. Averet wasn’t just his guard. He was his friend and a big part of Dashiell wanted him to be more than just a friend.
When he woke again, he was able to get out of bed without help, which he was grateful for, since he hated feeling helpless. He sat up in the bed, leaning carefully against the headboard. It ached a little but wasn’t too bad since he’d gotten used to the pain now.
Erat was sitting on a chair at the opposite end of the room, reading his book. He hadn’t registered Dashiell’s movements at all, so that had to be one hell of a good book. Dashiell made a mental note to ask Erat about it sometime, he could always use the distraction. Dashiell looked at him for a while without saying anything. Erat was so focused on what he was reading which he found utterly adorable.
Erat had brought him a couple of books this last week. It was lovely to take his mind off of things and forget about the real world for a while. In one of the books, Erat had left him a note. “You’re definitely not an idiot,” it said, and it had made Dashiell blush. Averet had raised an eyebrow at that, but Dashiell just shook him of.
His life in the castle hadn’t been the worst since the whipping, but he was not stupid enough to believe that it would be like this forever. Soon he’d be back at the brothel to bend over for the biggest enemy to the crown, and he didn’t want to think about what would happen to him if Barret didn’t want to fuck him because of the state of his back. He didn’t want to think about anything really. He wanted to enjoy the moments before everything would turn to shit again. Averet had promised him that they wouldn’t force him back to the brothel until he was ready for it, but if Isandros ordered it they wouldn’t be able to stop it.
Erat hadn’t noticed that Dashiell was awake until he got out of bed and headed towards the balcony.
“Feeling better?” he asked with a smile. Dashiell studied him briefly and wondered if Erat had a wife. A husband maybe? Or just a girlfriend. He couldn’t fathom a person like Erat, who was so good looking, had a great, well-paid job, and was so caring could be single.
“A lot,” Dashiell answered. “It feels amazing to be able to walk around again.” Erat stared at him, not hiding the regret in his eyes. Both he and Averet were blaming themselves for what happened to Dashiell. It was a surprise that they cared so much about him to feel bad about it. He wasn’t supposed to mean anything to anyone, he was nothing, but that didn’t stop them from caring. “Don’t give me that look! It wasn’t your fault.”
“That’s easy for you to say,” Erat mumbled
“Do you act the same way when you have to torture other prisoners?” he said with an exaggerated shrug.
“No, but you weren’t a prisoner really… You hadn’t done anything wrong.”
“Don’t think about it anymore. I’m doing fine now,” Dashiell said with a smile. And it wasn’t a lie. Dashiell had learned to ignore the past so he could move on. No matter what happened to him, he was quick to recover, or at least put on a mask and pretend that everything was okay. If he hadn’t been able to do that, he simply wouldn’t be alive today.
Everything that had happened to him the past two weeks, the beatings, the rape, and the torture were not easy to ignore, but he had to try. It would break him if he kept thinking about it and he couldn’t afford that. “Come on, cheer up a bit. You can make it all up to me by letting me go for a walk. I really want to go outside.” He’d been wanting to go for a walk for so long, and it didn’t matter how long the walk was, as long as he was allowed to actually move around outside.
“Are you sure you can do that?” Erat cocked an eyebrow at him.
“Well, you’re here to help me!” Dashiell said as he pulled Erat to his feet. “You can be my knight in shining armor, and I’ll be your damsel in distress.”
“Very romantic,” Erat laughed as he grabbed Dashiell’s arm.
“Are you afraid I’ll run away again?” he asked, gesturing at the firm grip Erat now had on his arm. “Are you so scared of losing me?”
“Yes! It would break my heart if I lost you!” Erat looked deeply into his eyes.
“Are you for real?” Dashiell said, rather shocked.
“Yes. I think I’m falling in love with you.” Dashiell stared at him, his mouth opening and closing, but no words came out for a long moment.
“Really?” he managed to choke out.
“No!” Erat laughed, “you were the one who wanted to do roleplay, so I just got into the role. And I’m only holding on to you so you can support yourself against me.”
“You know what, Erat?” Dashiell asked with a big grin on his face.
“Do I even want to hear it?” he sighed.
“You’re not as boring as I thought you would be!”
“Well thank you… and you’re not as annoying, as I thought you’d be,” Erat said with a shrug. “Or, you know what… forget that I said that last part.”
“Fuck you,” Dashiell laughed. “You just lost the title of my favorite guard!”
“I was never your favorite guard,” Erat said, nudging him gently. Everyone knew that Dashiell and Averet had gotten close. Most thought they were in some sort of a relationship, or at least that Averet was fucking him. Dashiell didn’t care about the rumors, he honestly thought they were a bit funny especially since they made Averet feel so awkward. Erat knew the truth, and that was all that really mattered.
They walked slowly through the castle and Dashiell clung to Erat for support. It did hurt a lot to move this much, but he tried to ignore it as much as he could, so Erat wouldn’t force him to go back. He wanted to get outside. He wanted to walk around in the gardens and enjoy the lovely smells of flowers and freshly cut grass. He wanted to feel like he was in control of his own life for a little while longer.
His biggest fear was to run into Isandros. He didn’t want to see him again. Not now. Not ever.
“I will have you tied to the cross and make Averet whip you until you can’t take anymore. He will be forced to tear the skin of your back and hear you scream… until you beg for him to stop.”
Dashiell would never forget the soft tone of his voice as he explained how he would break him. How he just sat there, right next to him calmly, touching his hand ever so gently. Isandros was not afraid, as Averet had said. He was evil.
Averet and Erat were loyal to the crown, but even they had begun to doubt the prince’s intentions. Dashiell hadn’t forgotten the way Averet had refused to kneel the day he ordered Dashiell to be whipped. “Isandros. Please don’t,” Averet had pleaded, but the prince ignored him. Averet had looked his prince in the eyes and call him by his first name. No one ever did that. No one had ever risked themselves to stand up for Dashiell before. Only Averet. Dashiell felt something towards him. It wasn’t like being in love. Or at least he didn’t think it was, he had never been in love before so he couldn’t be absolutely certain, but he knew that there was something. He could admit to himself that he was slightly hurt when Averet told him that he wasn’t interested in him. He wanted someone like Averet, someone who saw him for who he was. He wanted to feel loved and cared for. But that person wouldn’t be Averet. He just hoped that someone else would see him too.
“Are you okay?” Erat asked after a long period of silence. They had been walking slowly around the castle grounds and Dashiell enjoyed every second of it. The beauty of it all, the wonderful smells, the sounds of life, and the gentle wind against his skin. Erat was holding him tight to ensure he wouldn’t fall. While Dashiell’s eyes roamed his surroundings, Erat’s never left, Dashiell. He could feel Erat’s gaze on him constantly, but he didn’t mind.
Dashiell’s body was beginning to hurt, he knew that it would be a long and painful walk back to his room, but he just needed a few more moments of fresh air, a few more moments of freedom.
“I’m fine,” he answered with a smile. He closed his eyes as a small breeze ran its ghostly hands over his face. “Thank you for taking me out here, I really needed this.”
“Any time.” Erat smiled at him, giving his arm a little squeeze.
“I see you’re on your feet again.”
Isandros! Panic rushed through his whole body, and Erat had to hold him tight to keep him from collapsing. The prince stepped in front of him. His dark, cold eyes traveled up and down Dashiell’s body, scanning him from head to toe. “Guess you’ll be ready to get to work soon then.”
“Your Highness, he’s…” Erat started, but the prince interrupted him.
“Kneel,” Isandros ordered. Erat made sure that Dashiell was steady on his feet before letting him go to kneel for his prince. Dashiell wanted desperately to hurt him. He wanted Isandros tied to the cross and whipped until there was no skin left on his perfect and untouched back. He wanted to force the prince onto his knees and tear his whole world down. Their eyes were locked together. Good against evil. Dashiell would not give him the satisfaction of looking away first. “You too,” he ordered.
“No.” Dashiell shrugged. Erat looked up at him, not knowing what to do.
“Your little rebellious game doesn’t work anymore. I will not hesitate to bring you back to the cross and have you whipped until you can’t even remember your own name.” Dashiell was scared, but he didn’t let it show. Not this time. He was stronger now.
“If you do that, I won’t be able to work for you,” Dashiell spat.
“Then I’ll find another whore, one who is more willing.”
“Your Highness,” Erat said. He was still on his knees, and Dashiell realized, that he wasn’t allowed to rise before Isandros told him to. He was doing this on purpose. He was going to taunt Erat and Averet for taking his side. “He’s still too weak. He wouldn’t be able to kneel for you without ripping open his wounds again.” Lie! Why do you lie? He’s going to hurt you for it! Dashiell wanted to point out how wrong Erat was. He was perfectly capable of kneeling, but he would never do it, not for Isandros.
“Is that so?” Isandros said with a wicked laugh. “Rise!” and Erat did. Isandros stepped closer to Dashiell. So close that he could feel the prince’s breath on his lips. For a second, he feared that the prince would lean in and kiss him. I’d definitely prefer the cross then! He thought and he couldn’t help but smile a bit. “You’ve relaxed long enough… in two days you’ll go back to the brothel. You’ll tell them all that you’re feeling better, and when Barret shows his face, you do whatever he tells you to do.”
“Your Highness! He is not well enough for that.” Erat argued.
“I don’t give a shit. You’ll let him fuck you. You will let him do whatever he wants to do. No matter how painful it is. If you fail, I will have you executed in the slowest and most painful way possible.” The prince took a step back, their eyes still locked together. Anger against anger. “Understood?”
“Clearly,” Dashiell said calmly. But he wasn’t calm. He was terrified, but he’d never let the prince see it. Isandros turned around and left. Dashiell took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down, his body was beginning to shake, and he felt nausea rise inside of him.
“You are playing a dangerous game,” Erat said, gently taking Dashiell’s arm and guiding him back inside.
He knew he was, but no matter how scared or how broken he was, his stubbornness would always win. He would never kneel for the prince. He would do this job, not to save himself from more pain, but to save Averet and Erat from having to inflict it.
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