It was almost time for dinner when I received a text message from Tristan.

“John and I are starving. Meet us in the food market?”

Eager for a moment outside my unit, I texted back, “On my way.”

Standing in a prime location, my condo unit was only two blocks away from the food market. I hurriedly made my way down the building and briskly walked to our rendezvous. There were tons of people around, mostly people coming off from work from the office buildings within the business park. It was difficult to tell where Tristan and John were seated, assuming of course they’ve already found a table for us to sit. I searched around, making my way along the food stalls lit brightly by the strings of series lights. Living in a vibrant and multicultural city, there were different kinds of food available. The hot thick air boasted the aroma of Thai, Korean, Japanese, Filipino, and Western food. When I got to the tents housing the chairs, it was even more difficult to spot the Godfathers. It felt like I was playing Where’s Wally except I didn’t have his bright red and white shirt to look for, instead I had to find familiar faces amongst the hundred of others. I walked around, retraced my steps, and walked around further. I could not find them at all. I pulled out my phone to call them when I suddenly felt someone tug my shirt. I turned to look at three giggling men hiding their faces with their arms that are rested on the table.

“Very funny.”

John let out a loud mirth.

“We couldn’t help it. Your confused face looked too funny not to be taken advantage of.”

Gab explained. I was surprised to see him here with them already. Perhaps my face was too transparent because Tristan disclosed, “We were playing badminton.”

“Without me?! Ouch.” I was hurt but glad that Gab truly was a friend to the Godfathers now, nay, he actually was a Godfather now.

“We didn’t think you’d want to get out and play after our long week.”

“Next time allow me to be the judge of my own strength, thank you very much.”

I clapped and rubbed my hands expecting the food to be delivered.

“Anyways, what are we having?”

“We didn’t order for you.” John admitted.

“How could you? First you didn’t invite me to your game and now you didn’t even bother to order for me ahead? What are friends for?” I complained.

“Let’s go.” Gab stood up, inviting me to join him to make my order.

We walked along the space between the food stalls. Gab stopped in front of a Korean noodle stall. He turned around carrying a bowl and fed me a huge portion. I diligently complied seeing how tasty it looked. I munched down the noodle when Gab said, “be careful it’s spicy.” And on cue, my throat started to burn, my face red and moist with the beads of sweat trickling down. I ran as fast as I could to the closest place that sold milk tea.

“One milk tea please, miss. Hurry!!!” I said hastily, pulling out my wallet and shoving the money at her. I was breathing through my mouth now, attempting to put off the fire I felt in my mouth. It felt like my mouth was the fiery pits of hell itself, not even the sun burned hotter. She handed me my cup and I took it swiftly gulping every drop of milk tea with no particular care at how I looked.

Having extinguished the flames in my mouth, I came back to Gab with an annoyed look. My face and shirt were covered in milk tea, the same was dripping off my chin. He burst into laughter at my expense. My face could not look any more displeased.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you can’t tolerate spicy food.”

“Oh no, I can. It’s just that what you gave me was made out of lava.” I replied sarcastically.

He took out a handkerchief from his pocket, it was a familiar handkerchief because it was my handkerchief. The very same handkerchief I gave to him on that humid day and the very same handkerchief he wiped his tears off in the park. Gab proceeded to wipe my face without my consent. I didn’t mind, this was his punishment for the fiery noodles he fed me.

“Is that your only hanky? I’ve seen it twice now” I inquired while raising my hand to refuse. I pulled out my own and wiped myself clean.

“I never had one until you gave me this.”

We got back to the table carrying a plate of penne pesto pasta, baked scallops, some takoyaki, and a box of pad thai.

“Someone’s got an appetite.” John commented.

“Shut up. I’m still mad at both of you for not inviting me to the game.”

After dinner, we decided to head to karaoke. John immediately picked up the microphone and sang his heart out. Everyone took turns at the microphone except for Gab. He didn’t seem all too excited about our display of vocal skills. We insisted he sang and he did when he found the perfect song for him. It was a soft song, spoke of love, hurt, and betrayal. Beneath that angelic voice was that familiar pain and hurt I saw in him when we were alone in the park. His performance left us speechless and at awe. He handed John the microphone and smiled at me. I couldn’t say it because he wouldn’t hear me beneath John and Tristan’s singing. Instead I simply gave him a sympathetic look. I took his hand and pulled him out of the room. We walked around the parking area, there were only a handful of cars.

“I’m sorry we forced you to sing.”

“That’s OK,” he smiled again. I stopped and turned to face him.

He wiped a tear that trickled down his face.

“It hurts, remembering the past and what life brought down on me. But I’m used to it now.”

I took his hand to comfort him.

“Psst. Hey, fairies. Weeeew!!!” A group of bystanders called us.

I sighed, “Ignore them.”

Gab on the other hand was unable to compose himself. Gab walked up to the biggest one, he was dangerously close to the fat man. He was a few inches taller than we are. His ginormous physique made him look dominating but that didn’t scare Gab.

I stepped in front of Gab and pushed him gently away, “Gab, don’t. It’s not worth it.”

He heard me and complied.

“Yeah that’s right, you faggot.”

The fat man crossed the line. My blood boiled in rage and my ears turned hot. I clenched my fist, my knuckles throbbing against the gust of blood running through the tight space between my bones and skin.

“Walk away you scared weak little shits.”

I turned to the guy and landed my fist on his cheek. He fell to the ground almost immediately and in my rage I kneeled on him and landed punches after punches on him. It felt great to teach this man a hard lesson. He was definitely unconscious now, his face bruised and inflamed. I stood to look at the fat man’s friend.

“Report this to the police and everyone will know that a faint, dandy, weak faggot beat the living shit out of him. You want that?” I warned them. They were all taken aback, their faces spelled shock.

Proud of what I’ve done, I turned around to see Gab. His face was filled with horror seeing the result of my beating.

“New…” he looked scared but not at the lying man but at me.

Then I realised exactly what just happened. I turned out to be just like my father, my violent, destructive, and brutal father. I was horrified at the sudden realisation.

“Gab, I’m sorry.”

Disgusted at myself, I ran away to the street. I hailed a cab and went home. I cried, screaming at myself. I remembered all the tantrums father would throw at Mother and I. The broken vases, shattered glass on the floor, us injured and wounded from all the commotion he made.

I heard a knocking on the door.

“New? Please open the door. It’s Gab.”

“Go away, Gab.”

“New, please. We need to talk.”

“How do you still want to talk after what I did?”

“That’s exactly why we need to talk.”

I opened the door and we sat down on the couch.

“What happened back there?” he asked calmly.

“I don’t know. One moment I was trying to remain calm then suddenly I found myself beating the life out of that bystander.”

Tears started to build up again. “I’m scared, Gab. I don’t want to be like my father. He is exactly the very thing I never want to be. Yet how did I become a monster? Or was I always a monster?”

“You’re not a monster. This was all because of your upbringing. Your past, the trauma your father inflicted on you made you react this way. But that doesn’t mean you’re gonna end up like him. This time you have a choice, to live a life better than your father does. You know what’s right from wrong, that makes you better than him. And at least now, you know what it’s like to be him and should this happen again, you can stop yourself before you do things you’ll regret.”

“Thank you, Gab.” I calmed down and leaned my head on his shoulder.

“Oh, New. Your past may be dark but don’t let that ruin your beautiful future.”