When I woke up in the morning the twins were in my room. Callie was in my chair next to my bed, already awake. Tanner was sprawled out on the floor, looking dead to the world.
“Good morning, how are you feeling?” she asks, scooting closer to my bed with the chair.
“I feel fine, why-” I remember what all happened yesterday and curl up into a ball, putting my head on my knees. I don't want them to see me cry.
Soon I couldn’t hold it and started bawling. Callie rushed/dragged a sleeping Tanner out of the room. And I was thankful for it, until a moment later, my mom walked in.
She just stared at me from my doorway while I frantically tried to clear my face and swipe any tears away. I tried to calm down, holding my breath doing anything to calm down.
She sat on the edge of my bed, folded her hands in her lap. She didn't look at me while she talked.
“It’s okay to be upset or hurt, you two were very close, and I get that. I just want you to know that. We just want you to heal and be happy. You and I are completely different and we both will be dealing with this differently. I know that you will be needing your time, so do your best, we all miss Sam and we wish him well.” I look and see that through all the emotionless acts, she is also hurting and is doing her best to heal as fast as she can for us and show us that everything can and will be fine.
After a moment Mom gets up to leave and gives me a small smile. Knowing that she never smiles or is outwardly happy hits me hard sometimes. She really is happy. But it doesn't seem like that, because she is never actually showing any signs of it. Even just a small smile like the one she just gave me lights up her face, making her more gorgeous than she already is.
Mom looks nothing like the twins, or me, or anyone. She has straight black hair cut to the chin and big navy blue eyes. In the rare occasion that she genuinely smiles, it changes her face so much. Her eyes go softer, and even her posture changes. She looks a lot younger when she smiles and has fun.
She knew Sam before I did because the two families were so close, Sam was like a son to her. I met Sam three and a half years ago, right after I moved into this house before I was adopted. Sam has known my mom for all of his whole 17 years that he lived, and that thought alone made me cry all over again. Mom was Sam's second mother.
I sit there awhile and listen to my mom leave, with the car being loud and all. I could hear people getting up and ready for school. I just lie there, waiting for someone to get me up and force me to go to school, but no one did. I curl up again in the blankets and block out the sound.
When I finally go to get food from the kitchen I see a note:
~We left you some jam and toast, reheat it if you like, we hope you feel better,
~Matthew, the twins, Mac, Alison, Violet, Mom & dad,
I get the toast and heat it up, put jam on it, put it on a plate, and head to my room. I trip on something on the floor on the way to my bed, nearly dropping my toast. I put the plate on my bed and grab the bag that I tripped on. It was Sam’s bag that I borrowed two weeks ago when I stayed overnight last time. I set the bag on my dresser and climb onto my bed. I eat my toast and curl back up.
I remember the first time that I ever had fun with Sam. Mom, before I called her mom, before she adopted me, took me across the road to the Everdy’s house for a barbecue. It was a few days before I had to start school, so she thought that I should know some people before I started school. She had all the kids, including Sam and his sister, hang out in the den.
At the time I was still distancing myself from everyone, not knowing how long I was going to stay in this house. I sat on their couch and curled up in a ball like I usually do. Emily and Alison, ages 15 and 17 at the time, instantly were in the corner of the room, sitting in chairs, gossiping. Sam, on the other hand, loved the twins, so he played with them, chasing them around the den. He honestly thought of them as family, as he did with the whole family. I found that out later.
Sam played with them the whole time up until it was time to eat. Dinner was loud and messy, but everyone had fun, even if I didn't say anything I got to watch how these people I didn't know very well interacted with each other.
After dinner, the adults and the twins left to the den while all the teenage kids, Sam, Alison, Emily and I, all had to clean up. Alison and Emily both just sat at the table and talked, and later I found out that was normal after everyone gets together. Sam and I worked, I slowly did the dishes while he picked up the food. As he did he danced around the kitchen, which was huge by the way. At one point he tried to get me to dance to but I refuse politely. Instead, I used the chance to observe him slightly out of the corner of my eye.
His hair was short and blonde and he had blue eyes, tall and skinny. He was the kind of guy that most 14-year-olds would fall for instantly, but I didn't, thank god.
After that, about halfway through cleaning is done, he started singing, mostly songs that I didn't know, but he did end up starting a song that I knew. One of my favorites at the time.
As I scrubbed the dishes I started humming but by the middle of the song I was flat out singing, as well as Sam. I remember jumping because I heard a huge crash from directly behind me. I turned around and almost ran into Sam, who was right behind me, he dropped the platter that the meat had been on, he bent down and grabbed it to hand it to me, so I could wash it and put in the dishwasher. He was staring at me when I turned around to dry my hands off.
“Sorry, I just-“ he paused, “never mind. Last one.” He leans on the counter and watches as I start the dishwasher. “Your voice is good. That’s why I dropped the plate.” He smiles again and I can tell that he is being genuine. The rest of the night I hung out with him, even though I just sat on the couch and listened to him talk with the kids.
The next day when I started school I let Sam show me around and hang out with me at lunch even though he had other friends already. I knew we were going to be friends whether or not I wanted to be.
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