John took a moment to gather his thoughts before he said anything about Gem's revelations. Everything that she had told him was extremely personal, and he needed to be careful not to say something stupid.
"I can't tell you that I understand how you feel, I don't. No one who hasn't gone through something similar can completely grasp your feelings. I have never experienced loss, and I have no idea how I would react. There are however a few things that I do know.
"If you never open up your heart to anyone, then you can't be said to have lived your life. You are just going through the motions, following schedules, and that is something even robots can do. We, humans, need more to be happy, to enjoy life.
"And yes, pain is a possibility, but if you close off your heart, there will be no true happiness in your life. In my book, that is wasting the precious gift we have been given.
"One thing I know for sure is that life is a gift that we are lucky enough to receive, and we should live it to the fullest.
"Now, I can't promise you that I won't hurt you in any way or that I won't die. I can't know that for sure. What I can promise you, is that no matter what happens between us, I will do my best never to cause you any pain, and to be there for you when you need me. I will always first and foremost be your friend, always there for you.
"Even if we end up breaking up one day, I will still be your friend. The point is, I can't offer you certainty. Whoever offers happily ever after is either lying or is naive.
"What I can offer you, is to be the best version of myself, and try to support and love you every day that we spend together." John said with a strong conviction in his voice.
"Love!?" Gem said, panic clear in her voice.
That was when John realized what he said, and started blushing and stuttering.
"Well, eventually, of course. I don't mean now," he said.
He already loved her, but seeing the fear in her eyes, he did his best to cover his tracks.
"I know that you are right. My reason is telling me that I should allow people to enter my heart, to feel the joy of life but...My heart is scared of being broken into a million pieces.
"How am I supposed to piece it back together if that happens?" she said quietly, almost whispering.
"What if you break MY heart?
"There is always some risk. Without taking the risks, we will spend our whole lives wondering what if. This, us, is a risk that I am willing to take.
"You can't tell me that it isn't different for us.
"We have something I never had with other people, and that is a deeper connection, understanding. We owe it to ourselves to try. I promise we can go as slowly as you need to. Think of it as acclimation therapy for your fear of letting people in," he said.
"Acclimation?" she couldn't help but ask.
"Yes, it's something I read about at the university. It is repeated exposure to the situations that cause fear which leads to familiarity. That, in turn, reduces the fear," he said with confidence.
"Honestly, I am not sure if you are making it up, or you know what you are talking about," she said with uncertainty.
"Does it matter, if it can help?" he said.
"I guess not," she said ready to give it a shot.
"So if I agree. I am not saying I do, but if I agree to take it very slowly, how would we start?" she wondered.
"Well, we can start from here," he said as he slowly picked up a rose that a woman passing by their table was selling.
He bought a beautiful red rose and gave it to Gem.
She held it in her hands as if it was the biggest treasure she had ever received. The beauty of it and the amazing smell made the ice around her heart melt even more.
Every day since she first met John, the ice was dissolving little by little, and soon enough, it would vanish, and she wasn't sure if she was truly ready for that to happen. He had made some good points about her not being fully present in her own life, and the rose...
The rose made her feel so special, even though she knew it was ridiculous. He probably gave flowers to many girls before her, but somehow, that couldn't help her go back to thinking rationally. Her heart was beating faster, and she was more excited than anyone should be after getting a rose.
What made that gesture so special to Gem was the fact that she had never gotten any flowers in her whole life. The mere idea that he was nice enough to buy it for her, made her more open to his so-called acclimation therapy.
When he first said it, it sounded ridiculous, and not fun, but if it involved flowers, she was willing to give it a try. It was strange to her, how easily he managed to change her mind. Usually, she was a very stubborn person, but it was difficult to fight his reasoning.
Well, it was more difficult to fight her own emotions, but whatever it was, she decided to give it a shot. Her whole life she spent sheltered from the outside world, maybe it was time to venture out.
John looked at the huge smile that spread across Gem's face and decided that it would be his mission in life to make her smile more.
He was able to partially understand why she was so afraid since he studied a bit about fear in the short psychology course he took in the university, but he knew that he could never fully understand that kind of pain and anxiety.
As far as he could remember, there were two responses to fear, biochemical, and emotional. Biochemical was the same for everyone and happened when people perceived something as a threat, but emotional, that one was far more complicated.
The emotional response was individual, so it was impossible to predict how any person would react. Fear was usually caused by a traumatic experience, and in her case, he was sure that the trauma was the death of her father.
To her young mind, that was even more traumatic than it would have been to an adult, but having in mind that seeing a psychiatrist was seen as a sign of weakness, of being crazy, he guessed she had never been.
That, in turn, led to all those fears and pain stewing in her, until she made a defense mechanism to avoid anything like that happening ever again.
He was neither a psychologist, nor a psychiatrist, but he was pretty sure that he could help her step out of her shell. Maybe if he showed her all the good things about life and love, she would be more open to it.
As he told her, acclimation therapy would probably be good for her, but what he had in mind wasn't anything rational or formal. He was planning on wooing her as an acclimation method.
After all, he wasn't an expert, he was just a man in love, and he thought that it would be fun for both of them. He planned to show her, every day, how much she meant to him and that he was all in.
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