I understand that I was half-asleep when I noticed a calming and reassuring warm presence coming from the right side of my body. Unconcerned about whom it might belong to, I cuddled closer to it so that I could feel it embracing me, with the unexpected realisation of my hair being touched gently. Letting out a reassuring sigh, I tried to get closer to the source of this kindness, breathing in lightly, allowing myself to enjoy that sensation for a bit more. I didn't want to wake up and remember that I was a dishonour for my family-

"Hey… we need to go." Someone whispered next to my ear, "I'm going to prepare some breakfast. Take your time." why was someone talking to me in English?

"Mmh-" I muttered as the source of warmth slowly faded, finding my hand moving as a reflex to catch it without me realising it. Something soft touched my neck lightly, making its way to the back of it, exactly where the bite was. 

Oh, no. 

"Are you okay?" Cheng asked when I finally opened my eyes, looking at my hand on his lap.

"Yeah, yeah. Sorry I was half-asleep. I didn't want to-" disoriented, I backed off and tried to connect my brain and speak English properly. 

"It's okay. I hope you slept well." he wished as he got up from the bed, stretching his body before moving towards the living room. "It's still a bit early, so don't rush," he stated before disappearing from the bedroom, leaving me with my thoughts and numb body. Pressing and rubbing my face vigorously, I felt myself blushing like an idiot for having stared at his body the whole time he was talking to me, and I hoped he didn't notice it...

Or maybe he did, but I didn't think it would have been a problem as he seemed a decent, open-minded guy, even though I only knew him for a day or two. I just hoped that sexuality wouldn't be a topic we had to discuss because I didn't even know what to do with myself. 

Getting up slowly, I soon removed my t-shirt, noticing it was different from the one I had last night. Bandages and plasters were also covering my body, and a sense of gratitude and embarrassment rose over me, making me smile slightly as I caressed the application on my abdomen. But before I could enter the bathroom, I noticed some clothes folded on the desk next to it: some tears started to form and slide down my face as the memories of my mother came right up, awakening my sleeping brain. 

I should occupy myself with something else; I couldn't think about her now. But feelings are stronger than thoughts; I could only accept my emotions and find a way to move on when I was ready.

 I had forced myself too much already.

"Mother…" I whispered, removing the wet traces off my face, drying it quickly with the back of my hand and hugging myself to get some comfort... but some cold hands slid down from my naked chest, embracing me, while a body adhered to mine from behind: something hot and hard pushed and throbbed on my lower back, making me sigh in disbelief. 

My breath paused, and the air in my lungs froze when one hand reached my groin and the other brushed across my chest, reaching my shoulder. That person remained silent when licking the side of my neck maliciously before forcibly pushing my body onto the desk in front of me, making me adhere my abdomen completely to the cold surface. 

"I'll always be with you. Nothing will ever stop me," he whispered in my ear.

 No way, it couldn't be HIM. 

It was only my imagination; that was not real. It couldn't be. 

He grasped my hair, forcing me to stand up again. "You can't run away from me", he hissed, sliding something sharp down my torso, feeling something warm dripping down my skin as he did so.  

"No, no!" I yelled, out of breath but too afraid to move. Closing my eyes tightly, I tried to endure the well-known pain he usually inflicted on me but suddenly... It just disappeared. Slowly opening my eyes, I looked down, finding that what I had just witnessed was just a hallucination. Was I going crazy? 

Why did I hear his voice like he was standing right behind me? 

"Chin Mae? You coming?" Cheng shouted from the kitchen, clueless about what I was experiencing on the other side of his apartment. I just hoped he didn't hear anything and that I wouldn't have another hallucination in front of him because it would be awkward and problematic.

"Y-yeah, sorry. I'm coming." dressing up quickly, I forced myself to stop shaking. It was nothing; I couldn't revive memories like that with him; I had to be okay... 

I got this; I was far away now and safe; I just needed to be careful and lay low. 

Agreeing with myself, I splashed with some cold water and brushed my teeth, making myself presentable before reaching Cheng in the kitchen, smelling something burning. "What's happening?" I asked as his cute angry face got the best of me while he looked at his carbonised crumbled eggs.

"Doing breakfast, even though I seriously doubt that this will be edible." he sighed sadly, putting the pan directly in the sink without a second thought.

"Well... Why don't you try again? It's really easy." I replied, smiling a bit while placing a hand behind my neck, hoping not to make him feel annoyed or attacked. I could help him, but I didn't want to impose my presence since I was already over my stay.

"Well, sorry if I'm unable to do something that easy. My parents have always been travelling for business, so others mostly prepared my food since I was little." he spouted sharply, ready to leave the room.

"I'm sorry, it wasn't-"

"Just shut up." he stopped me just by raising a hand,  giving me his back. "Let's go to have something around here." 

"Cheng, wait!" grasping his shoulder, I turned him back at me, and now I was facing a grumpy and offended puppy trying to hold his place still. But everybody knows that puppies are unpredictable and that you shouldn't play too much with them.

Oh gosh, I really regret doing this; he was killing me only with his eyes. Why did I even touch him in the first place?

"I can cook and teach you something if you want. I know many simple recipes from my dad; he was a chef." I said quickly, justifying myself and regretting it again; I should have just accepted his offer to grab something outside and go to university, I shouldn't have gotten attached to him any further than this, or it would be harder to cut all this off when the time arrives... even though I think I already did.

"Was?" he asked, calming down straight away. His eyes softened little by little, and I could feel how careful he was trying to move around the topic, making sure not to hurt me. I appreciated it but hated it and was tired of being treated differently when someone knew what I'd been through. It felt like... they pitied me, and I couldn't stand it. People should always treat others well, not only when they know something traumatic or personal about the other person... no?

Damn, me and my mouth.

"Yeah… He died." I added bitterly, turning my back to him and starting to prepare the ingredients. "Sit down; it will be ready soon." Cheng did as I instructed him without saying anything else, following my every movement attentively and making me feel a bit pressured. I could feel that he was thinking about something, and I was worried about what it could have been.

"How are you feeling today?" he asked hesitantly, not meeting my eyes. "Does it hurt?" 

"I'm fine... Thank you for yesterday." I replied politely as he deserved it, my tone similar to his "Here." I added, placing the plate full of scrambled eggs with seasoned fresh tomatoes right in front of him.

Cheng looked up at me excitedly, grabbing a spoon from the table. "You make it look like it was easy, but I bet it's not," he stated before stuffing his mouth and then looking up at me again. "Are you not going to eat?" he asked, confused, but I simply shook my head in denial as I just didn't feel like eating. 

Satisfied with my reply, he ate greedily, finishing his meal in a few minutes. I blushed unconsciously at his happy and satisfied expression, thinking and comparing what happiness looked like for me when I was little. The face he had now was the same that I used to have when my dad was still around and when he would cook for me... then he would just stand there, looking at me while I was stuffing my mouth with his delicious food-

"Something's wrong? Do I have something on my face?" he asked, tapping his cheeks and mouth, cleaning them soon after with a napkin.

"No, no. Just some memories..." I smiled unconsciously but soon recomposed myself. "But we need to go now; it's getting late," I added, gathering his now empty plate and cutlery and putting them in the sink. 

"You should smile more... It suits you," he commented before disappearing into the other room; I guessed for getting our backpacks. Washing quickly what we've used, I suddenly felt a hand around my wrist-

"There's no need to wash them. Someone will sort them out," Cheng stated coldly, waiting for me to drop the sponge and the pan back in the sink.

"But... I'm nearly finished, and this is the least I can do after all you did to me when we barely know each other." I defended myself but did as he said anyway; I didn't want to upset him. Did I do something I shouldn't have? Did I take for granted his kindness and start to act too friendly all at once? Did I just cross some boundaries that he had?

"Just don't ask, okay?" he stated composedly, notching him, trying to control his breath and walking towards the front door. "Now let's go". 

Without indulging any longer, I grabbed my backpack and my jacket, leaving the house after him without adding or commenting on anything else. He made me feel out of place and confused back there, but I couldn't seem to talk to him, not even to say sorry for whatever had hurt him. I kept following him down the stairs of his condominium, head low, shoulder sank in, while my stomach started to hurt at every step I took... and somehow my heart with it.