Trigger warning: Dark themes ahead. This monologue is supposed to be psychological. 

You have been warned.

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Have you ever experienced the feeling of the hairs on the back of your neck rising in terror? It’s like you feel someone is following you, but you can’t see them. They’re either lurking in the shadows or they have no physical form. Either way, their existence ensures that you’ll never be alone; you’ll always be trapped by them.

I constantly feel that way.

It’s a pain most days, but there are times when it terrifies me to the point when I can’t sleep at night. I’ll lay awake in bed, the covers tucked under my chin like a protective shield. I’ll try convincing myself that I’m safe, that no one can touch me. But on the worst days I feel shivers down my spine, always looking over my shoulder, paranoid that someone is there. I’ll be on the lookout for a predator whether or not they’re actually there.

And when he is there he waits for me to step out of the light and into the shadows. His piercing eyes will be on me, studying my movements, selecting a time to strike. I do my best not to stray from the light, but there’s no guarantee that’s what the path holds. I can’t always be in control of things, and I can’t always predict when he’ll strike.

Unlike me he never sleeps, yet he always has the energy to move. Always awake, always ready, always lying in wait for me. I can’t sleep or lie awake without fearing when he’ll strike next. It’s exhausting always being on guard. It constantly stresses me out. He constantly stresses me out.

I wish I knew how to stop him. I wish I could block his knowledge of where I go and what I do. I wish I could blind his eyes so he can’t stalk me. I wish I could drag him out into the public and shame him until he leaves me alone.

My blood runs cold just thinking about it.

Of course I’ve told people about him, but what good does it do if I can’t even see him?

Someone decided long ago that two entities can’t be separated. It’s like the parts of an atom, almost impossible to separate, and if you ever succeed there are always dire consequences.

So forevermore his presence will be unceasing. He will always act on his selfish desires, thinking of his own well-being at the cost of mine. I’m nothing to him but a vessel, a means of his survival.

His breaths are my sobs. His sweat are my tears. His eyes are my vision.

He is part of me, so I’ll never be able to escape him no matter what I try. I’m too afraid to risk damaging myself if I try separating from him. After all this time I’ve given up, accepting the fact that he’ll never leave me alone. He is the burden I must carry; secret or not.

We were born at the exact moment in time, raised together in the same household, and so we’ll die together on the same deathbed.

Even though it would be better if he didn’t exist at all he won’t die so long as I live.

We will always be together.

We will always be one.