Flashback, March 5, 2004.
Today, I'm out patrolling in the slob west district which is very close to Ironforge. I turn left down Beaver Ave, driving past the giant school called stonewall middle. Everyone seems to be outside today which very weird considering all the recent waves that have risen. I continue down the road for another five minutes until I see a crime happening. There's a child gang member from the gluttonies robbing a convenient store.
As I leave my car, I begin to walk closer towards the store. I try to get a better glance at the kid before I take him down. The child looks to be around the age of nine or ten. I sneak in through the side door which was a distance away from the boy. I hear the boy, "Give me the damn money!!! I'm going turn this piece of shit Stone Mart into upside-down circus!!!"
I hear the child beginning to click the gun. I jump from behind a cover wall and run towards the boy, "Kid; let the guy go now!!!"
He turns towards me with tears running down his eyes. I ease in for the gun, but the kid closes his eyes and starts shooting. The bullets were flying all over the place. The guy at front desk was frozen in fear while all this was happening. I jumped over the cash register and tried to throw the guy to the ground to get cover.
My eyes opened widely as I watched the blood come out of the man's pierced bullet hole. At that moment I recognized that we, as police, are supposed to protect and serve no matter what. I got back up and tackled the little boy, then snatched the gun right out of his hand. I'm now standing over the top of this defenseless child who looks to be afraid of this world.
While he's down on the ground I get on my knees, "Why kid? Why would you associate yourself with such a horrible life?"
The boy opened his eyes and began staring at the lights, "I had no choice. Everything I cared most about is gone now. I didn't want to yet give up hope but..."
Before he could finish, there was some gang members I heard outside. They all started blazing up the place while saying "Get your little ass out here, your job is done! We don't need no extra cops."
The boy ran out while the chaos was happening. As they leave, I call in the incident. A few hours passed, and the Stone-Mart is now a crime scene. I go to the camera room and watch the replay of the video which was behind milkshake counter. I and my other colleagues watch it along with me.
Everyone looks at me with questionable facial expressions and once I leave the room I get a call. The police chief, "You know you committed a crime jackass! What the hell were you thinking rookie! Why not bring the little delinquent into custody or do something more professional than stand there like a scared little dog! Where was your courage! You basically aided his mischievous deeds. Is that what we teach you rookies down in training nowadays? I'd hope not, either you're suspended for going against conduct."
I go into my car, check my phone and I was bombarded with at least forty texts within the last two minutes. As I'm driving home I can still the man lifeless body lying there, the boy's frightened eyes. In his eyes, he was saying " Save me from this life."
I get out of my car and walk into my medium sized house. I took my clothes off, down to boxer and tank top. I walked down the hallway into my revision cave. It's a place where I write my experiences down and try to improve upon them. This would be my thirty-third mistake in my career.
This is the first one that has cost someone's life. If I were, to be honest with myself I don't think I made the wrong move letting him go but I messed up allowing the guy to die. I could've handled it so much better than how it went down. I don't know why I stood frozen like a statue. Maybe I've already lost my conviction after being yelled at so much.
I sat down on my burgundy roller chair and began spinning around. I put my index finger and thumb on my chin which had a mini goatee. I can't really remember my father, I thought. But what I did was something you would most likely do if you were in my shoes. Dad, you and mom were my real role models.
Basing my conclusion off what they've done I'd just have to take this loss and move on. I'll see that kid again one day. I hope before it's too late though. I'd call it a rookie's mistake or beginner's bad luck but it kind of feels different. Since I'm suspended for a while again I decided I'd spend the day outside.
I grabbed my cargo khaki pants and blue striped shirt with dress shoes and went to the park. The park was heavily populated with a diverse group of people. One side had people under a tree reading books. Another side people drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes. And of course, what's a park without fun, there was a child being chased by a golden retriever on a leash.
I felt that I needed to get a lot of stress off, so I approached this beautiful woman hoping to make a mark. She was the one who had the golden retriever. She had silky black and beautiful brown eyes that told me you might just hit the jackpot. I picked up the Frisbee on the next to her and threw it causing the dog to go after it. I said "Were you arrested earlier? It's got to be illegal to look that good."
She laughed amorously, "That's one cheesy pickup line. You are a funny one to think that would work."
I stood back a little trying to retreat and come up with another plan. Life couldn't be more confusing than this point right here. She stared at me in a weird manner than walked away, "I'll see you later weirdo, maybe sooner than you think Shy guy."
I felt like my favorite team just won the super bowl or something. I leave the park and head back home after I get a little sightseeing at the beautiful crafts that were displayed all over the place. It had me frozen in an enigma. The pictures had a specific style to it though. The picture was rough in some ways, but you could tell it was made by someone who had a big heart.
To be that successful is a dream to many and she made it. This new crime rate is causing us to do some serious enforcing on rule regulations. All the gang wars, race wars, and hatred, in general, is plaguing this whole city. I leave the school in my cop car and begin driving a few blocks down. After driving for a few good minutes and I get a few good blocks from my house.
As I'm driving down towards my house, I see people running the complete opposite direction. These people were at the stone wall festival. I hear gunshots all in the distance of the direction. I call for backup in the vicinity while I'm driving forward into the hell. As I get right in front of the chaos I realize that they are like two minutes away from my house.
I put my car in parking mode by putting it on neutral. I pull my gun out with a thousand needles of frustration in my hand, "Its spread this far?"
I step out of the car and go into cop mode. I go to my car and point my gun at the criminals holding hostages, "Stop holding these good citizens captive or I will shoot!!!"
One of them begins walking up to me while holding a hostage, "These people aren't ready for the new world in which we control this bullshit district, no the city. Now if you don't drop your gun we will end these fine citizens officer. I will give you the count of three. You can make a smart choice here. Either save these citizens by listening or cause their deaths. I know how important it is to you cops to play hero."
I slowly put my gun on the ground as a sign of peace. He immediately shot me in the chest causing me to drop dead. While I'm on the ground I take the bullets out of my bulletproof vest. The damn pain hurts like a sting from a bee even with the damn vest. I shake a little inside out of fear of resistance could end in my demise.
I get up and see each of the civilians had their necks snapped. The children and parents all dead and left on my conscious. Now the Calvary wants to show up. My partner Linda, is leading them here. They stop right around my car.
She drifts around the side of my car like a NASCAR driver. She always must be super theatric about everything. I wait until everyone gets out their car and come towards me. There at least seven fellow police officers standing in front of me. I turn towards the victims, "As you all can see, no life was spared in this jeopardy war."
Linda comes up behind me and smacks me in the back of my head, "You couldn't save anyone? Are you kidding me right now! I cannot believe someone in command such as yourself cannot save a single person. Some hero."
I pushed her back a little from behind me," How could you understand? You're always late like you live a double or something. Our job is to protect the citizens, right? So how come you weren't fast enough to make it when your partner needed you most. This isn't a game, people die and sometimes not everyone, sometimes anyone can be saved. That's always the dilemma police officers must deal with and face head-on. Linda, I hope once you have a little more experience under your belt you understand that."
Linda and everyone else was ignoring me and just staring at the sight of all these dead civilians. I drove off into the distance and spent some time thinking how I was going to continue forward. Man, these many lives now under my care and protection are dead. I felt tears slip down without even realizing it. I get a feeling of contempt from everything I feel was necessary to be a great cop.
This feeling doesn't fade away this time, it sticks with me. A few days pass, I heard Linda and a child got captured by a gang and was killed in an underwater car bomb trap. I looked at my police clothes, "I cannot do this anymore!!!"
I might have to go rogue for a while. If the police captain allows me to get a few days off that is. I run downstairs and turn on the TV remembering there's an important public announcement happening today. There's a guy on TV named Luis from the honor family group speaking. It's a group that takes those necessary resources to occupy themselves with and donates it to the homeless on the streets.
Luis is raising his balled-up fist, "My fellow people, we have been ignored long enough I say. There is no better time than now in our darkest hour to act. There is still hope but it soon will wither away and die if nothing we do leaves a mark and sets a standard. I once upon a time believed in the justice system. I used to believe the wishful thinking that was beaten into our heads. My brothers and sisters, there is a better way to treat one another. We must enact a law called the conservation clause which will save many lives. It will be the true hope we've waited so long for."
Before he could continue some of the citizens broke into a fighting with those who didn't agree with them. I could tell because how they were reacting to him as he spoke. This fight goes on for ten minutes until the cops came through and broke it up. The citizens were beaten worse by the police than the actual citizens. I looked at the TV in disgust, "Wow."
Two years had passed, and I became a more experienced police officer. I now have an actual girlfriend that I've been dating for at least a year and a half now. She's been by my side through the highs and lows of my career. Cindy I can honestly say is the real manifestation of the women of my dreams. She's worked just as hard as me to get where she is now.
She's the assistant principal of a school called Chappell Wood Hills. I drive past the school from time to time, to check up on everything. There is one thing that irritates me though she is always trying to stop me from finding that child and giving him justice. He a few years older now and understands that he is embedding the already all-time high crime rate. People are getting blown to pieces in the ocean, shot on the street, sold around, beaten to death, hung, torched alive, and betrayed because the damn system is taking their fathers away from them.
These children are trapped in an infinite cycle. I just got a call in today, the kid who I was motivated save once upon a time committed suicide. I felt like a complete garbage bag that's full of cuts waiting to be broken. My life wasn't supposed to have this many loose ends that affect me this deep. I breathe in and fall to the ground thinking this is what I deserve forever giving up on someone.
I threw my bag at the wall, "I shouldn't have listened to those people calling him a lost cause and a criminal. Sure, he made huge mistakes but doesn't everybody. What makes ours valid and his not. The boy's name was Aiden. We left the child to the streets and didn't expect this outcome."
If this world has taught me anything is that this life isn't truly worth living unless you understand yourself. The police might have yelled in my ears here and there but there wasn't any doubt that he cared. My girlfriend might sometimes nag me about trying to be the best police officer, is a lost cause. I usually ignore her comments like that, but she might be right. Linda really helped me through those rough times and I won't ever forget it.
She was like that friend that you really see as someone you'd have as a maid of honor at a wedding. She was wild, but it makes sense in a way, I could really find myself able to ignore her selfless attitude.
I don't want to lose myself in this society put it gets harder and harder every day not follow my colleagues in their brutal methods that permanently put people down. All I've been looking for in my life is answer that makes sense and have yet to find it. If each individual choice affects everyone than why not make it unison choice between many. Some of these people out here taking the law into their own hands which is illegal but getting more done this blind and unjustified hierarchy system.
I drive down to the East Coast Ocean citing of where Linda was announced dead. I throw my badge and her badge into the ocean. I watch the badges float into the distance and realize that tomorrow is a dark place for me. There is nothing I can do to get rid of this feeling anymore. After I leave, the view I became a whole new person. I became corrupt and before I realized it...A killer.
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