Joe sat on his bed, laying down in the dark reading a very questionable book. The story was about a Succubus. Joe was always interested in the concept of summoning one, but he always thought it would just be a waste of time. Though being as desperate as he is, the sad man decided to read more into what a Succubus is.

"There's no way this is real" Joe thought to himself, though curious, he was still skeptical. "But they look so hot..." He gushed, "It couldn't be that hard, could it?" Joe, at his breaking point, had finally made a decision. It was time for him to begin research.

Once Joe was settled in at his computer, he headed over to a imageboard website he visited once in a while, 12chan. Once there, he went to the paranormal section of the site and began his knowledge indulgence.

"How 2 summon a Succubus?!?" Read the name of the new forum post created by Joe. After a couple of minutes, the responses came in

"Lurk moar." One response read.

"Go to danbooru and search "succubus" or "demon" if you wanting to see hellish coochie lool" another read.

"Do you want to die or something?" Read the latest response. After what seemed like hours, Joe's hope was rejuvenated when an actual answer to his question appeared. After reading the long, detailed explanation of how to summon a semen demon, Joe became filled with excitement.

"Hehe, this doesn't look too hard actually...." Joe thought to himself. With this in mind, Joe began the ritual, which... only required him to draw a few symbols on a piece of paper, place a few lit candles around the room then chant something in a language not familiar to him. After crudely scribbling on a piece of paper, Joe began the chanting.

"ZEE-UCK AYYEE-FAADD KOOOOG!" Shouted Joe, this same phrase was repeated 3 times, which upon completion, nothing happened. After standing and scanning the room, Joe begins to lose hope.

"Well, I guess I can try another method...wait...did I just shout suck a fat-" Just as Joe had this thought, his room was lit up with a blinding light, and where the paper had been placed appeared a beautiful lady with horns and skimpy clothes. The demon stood with her eyes closed and arms crossed.

"W-W-WHAT?!? I-I-It WORKED?!!" Joe screamed out loud, in extreme shock and disbelief

"Mhmm, foolish mortal, playing with such dangerous rituals~, your vitality will be minee~." said the monsu seductively

Just as she said this, she opened her eyes, and saw Joe, and also saw the room around her. Her smug face instantly dropped to that of a disgusted and shocked one.

"Haha, you can take as much of my life force as you li-" Joe began

"No." the succubus commanded

"Eh? What do you mean "No"?"

"Professionals have standards"

And with that, the succubus vanished. Joe was flabbergasted and fell to his knees and screamed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, WHYYYYY!!!!!!" Screamed the still virgin

Everyone in the house heard Joe's anguish. A knock was heard on his door.

"Hey, could you please keep it down." His mother asks as she opened his door. As soon as she looks into the room and sees a ritual circle lit up by candles, she slowly closes the door and walks away. Joe is still sitting in shock at the events that had just transpired. He then falls onto his stomach and waits for death.