Will’s sleeping now, puffing out tiny sighs as he breathes. I wish I could join him, but I don’t deserve the rest. Not after everything I’ve done that led to this point. 

Will Reed is unquestioning, which scares me to the core. He’s a puzzle without edges, and I can’t get my bearings with him. I don’t even really know him, yet he consumes every moment of my existence. Plus, he already knows me more personally than anyone ever has. 

I’m frightened of staying here in his bed because of how much I can’t bear the thought of anything else. What transpired between us mere hours ago was far more intimate than anything I’ve ever experienced, and I can’t leave him alone after that. I’m far too connected now, and the endless possibilities of what might happen if I were to go back home would drive me to madness. Not that I’m far off as it is. 

I don’t even feel like myself anymore. The past few days seem like a stranger’s life, and it’s terrifying to think it’s been me this whole time. Part of me wants out of it all, but I couldn’t pull that off without coming right back here. Tried and failed, so here I am. Scared. Ashamed. And damn weak. Far too weak to be with someone like him. 

~

Will stirs a little after dawn. He blinks up at me with narrowed eyes that barely hold the light they should. That blue blaze that usually simmers just beneath his stare is dulled as he presses his fingers to his temples and groans softly. His brow is damp with sweat droplets I hadn’t noticed through the thick black strands falling across his face. 

“You okay?” I force myself to ask instead of kicking my own ass for causing him pain like this.

“Mmm.” He sighs and rolls onto his back, flinging the covers off his chest. 

He’s really sweating. “Do you feel sick? Is it a fever? Are you-?”

“Hushhh.” Will cups his hand over my mouth, and I nearly moan about it. 

He smells like sweet maple and firewood, and it’s completely overwhelming. The scent of his skin overtakes my brain cells, and it almost blinds me as I breathe him in like a fucking psycho. Snap out of it.

“I’m fine,” Will mumbles tightly. “This happens…occasionally.” He sits up with a grunt, then closes his eyes before swinging his legs over the bed. 

“Wait!” I jump out from beneath the sheets and slide the discarded boxers on before clambering in front of him. Still a bit damp- “Just tell me what you need. I can get it.” 

His body is trembling slightly as he peers up at me, and I can hear his heart racing underneath his skin while a tiny smile forms on his lips. “Some whiskey and a cigarette. Thanks.” 

“What? No!” I’m shaking my head in disbelief. “You need water or a fever reducer or juice or somethi-”

“It’s just withdrawal.” He cuts me off and glances at his toes curling over the floor.  

“Oh...” My fists clench by my sides and I take a deep breath. What exactly does that mean?

Will starts to push himself up off the bed, but he’s wobbly and that alone freaks me out. 

“I got it.” My fingers brush lightly over his chest before I leave the bedroom. I can’t stand seeing him like this.

I can hear him moving about while I’m in the kitchen. My ears hone in on his quickening pulse and his feet plodding along. I follow the timid creaks of the floorboards until the screen door rattling closed alerts me he’s gone outside to the back deck. 

I smell the cigarette before I see him, and tighten my grip on a mug with both hands as I emerge from the house. Don’t flip out about it. Just be normal for once.

Will is leaning over the railing with his left arm dangling towards the grass. I get closer and notice his slender fingers gripping the burning stick while a trail of smoke escapes his lips. It swirls gently into the air before a slight breeze carries it towards the lake. Almost gracefully. Almost. I scrunch my nose when I reach him and extend the drink in his general direction. 

“Thank...you…?” He seems surprised, until he peers into the mug and releases a little laugh. “On the rocks.” His eyes glint as he meets my gaze and takes a little sip. “Fancy.” 

I grunt in response as he tilts back another drink of water, but when he brings the cigarette up to his mouth, I flinch so hard he freezes.

“Do you need to go inside?” Deep blue eyes narrow on my clenched fists, but I shake my head. Will takes a long drag and peers out over the lawn as I monitor his lungs inhaling all that poison. “Who did it?” His voice has deepened suddenly, so it takes me a few seconds to catch up to what he’s said. 

“What?” I’m too distracted by the smoke creeping out of him in tiny puffs to think clearly.

“Last night.” Will meets my eyes with that intensity that was missing when he woke up. “Who did that to you?”

My body stiffens from the cold fire behind his glare, and I shake my head without a word.

“Was it her? The maniac wolf who attacked you here?” He motions to his yard with swirls of smoke following the trail of the cigarette in his hand.

She was after you, not me. I shake my head again while my heart claws at my skin. I can feel my shift simmering at the surface as my brain boils with an anger I don’t want to express right now. 

“Then who was it?” His tone is harsh, his body paused as he watches me intently. 

My eyes burn to look anywhere but him. How do I explain this? A weight settles heavily on my shoulders as I force an inhale, wincing when the aroma of his smoke rudely invades me.

“Sam!” Icy fingers grip my chin so suddenly I snarl. “What the hell happened to you last night?”

“Nothing.” I gently grab his wrist, and watch as more flames ignite in his eyes.

“That’s not an acceptable answer.” Will takes another pull from his cigarette, then blows the smoke straight into my face with a low grunt to follow. 

“What the hell?!” I jerk away from him, swatting at the air in front of me as I cough roughly. “You don’t tell me jack shit about you, and now you’re all put off because-”

“I don’t show up at your house half dead!” He’s yelling now, and I can’t even breathe. “Do you have any idea how terrifying it is to see you like that? How helpless I felt holding you not knowing if you’d make it?” He smashes the cigarette into the ashtray on the table and grabs my shoulders with a surprising force. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Why didn’t you come to me immediately? Were you in shock? How did you even drive like that? How did you stand and walk and...why didn’t I notice you were…?” Will trails off as his gaze drops to our feet. 

“This is fucking nuts. I don’t even know you or have your number, or…” His hands relax their hold on me and his arms fall to his sides. He’s blinking at the deck boards with his head shaking slightly, and he doesn’t move until I drop my forehead against his bare chest. His touch slides up my back as his soft strands of hair tickle the dip between my neck and shoulder, and I tense as his inhale pushes against me. “What happened?” Will whispers, his warm breath soothing my skin despite the stench of cigarette accompanying it. 

I close my eyes and gently nudge his neck with my nose.

“Sam...” He pleads through a sigh while his fingers move into my hair. “Who hurt you?”  

My breath catches in my throat as my arms cling to his perfect skin, my muscles aching to bring Will as close to me as possible without hurting him. He’s so fragile under my touch, and I can’t bear the thought of anyone trying to break him apart. 

But they will come. And they will try. And it’s all because of me.

“I did it to myself.” My words scorch my tongue on the way out, like I’m the one who smokes a pack a day.