I was glad Hex was a few steps ahead of me, because it felt like the ground was made of glass shards, every step sending pain shooting up my heel into my ankles. My knees weren't much better, except that pain was more like getting hit in the back of the knees with a baseball bat every time I fully extended my legs. Most people wouldn't notice when I'm in pain, I'm pretty good at hiding it and pretending everything is just peachy, but Hex and Anderly were around me so much that they noticed immediately if anything was off. It was really annoying.
Luckily Hex didn't turn around as we made our way to the little park area a block away. It was just a patch of grass with a jungle gym and two covered picnic areas. Hex spotted Anderly at one of the picnic tables and gave her a quick wave. She adjusted her glasses and looked me up and down.
"You alright, Cosmo?" She asked as we sat down across from her.
I was gritting my teeth, so I just stuck my open hand out, palm up. I opened and closed my fingers several times for emphasis. She dug around in her bag and pulled out a small bottle of max-strength acetaminophen and handed it to me with a bottle of water. I took four, because fuck my liver. As soon as I was done swallowing, Hex slapped me in the back of the head and my forehead almost hit the table.
"Ow! What the fuck?!" I exclaimed, holding the back of my head. "Why do you keep slapping me today?!"
"Did we not just talk about keeping shit from each other?" He asked, frowning.
"What are you even talking about?"
"You just took that Tylenol like a crackhead in an alley."
"It's just my ankles. And knees. Okay, like all my joints from the waist down."
"What did you even do?"
"I was... running. To come find you."
He stared at me, deadpan.
Anderly cleared her throat, leaning her cheek on her fist.
"Nice to see you guys too." She said, amused.
"Thanks for the Tylenol, Anderly." I said, glaring at Hex. He just stuck his tongue out at me because he's actually a child.
"So!" Said Anderly, slapping her palms together. "What are we doing?" She looked back and forth between us, eyebrows raised.
"Uh, so... Hex and I just wanted to have a talk, all three of us. About being more open with each other when it comes to stuff that's... Important." I said, putting my elbows on the table and picking at a loose string on my torn denim jacket.
"Sounds good to me."
"Well?" I asked, bracing myself to find out how much I'd fucked her up too.
"Well what?" She raised her eyebrows.
"How are you doing? About you know... What happened." We never had to explain what we meant anymore, it was always 'that one time I overdosed and you watched me die on the bathroom floor, and then was in a coma for two weeks'.
She smiled, which was surprising. "I'm fine."
I sat up straight. I said 'I'm fine' often and it was a lie like 95% of the time.
"Are you fucking with me? Because if you are, I'm not amused." I said, frowning.
She laughed and patted my hand across the table. "Cosmo. I'm okay, I promise."
I looked at Hex at the same time he looked at me. We looked back at Anderly.
"Care to elaborate?" Asked Hex.
"Are you guys worried I'm hiding something from you? Because I don't think I ever have and I don't plan on starting anytime soon, either."
"Uh, yes, actually." I said. "How can you just be fine after I- After that happened?"
"Guys. Cosmo." She started, looking at both of us. "Of course I'm sad sometimes. And it hurts me when you're hurting."
She turned her gaze to just me. "But every day- Every time I see you smile, Cosmo, it takes away a little piece of that sadness. Because, remember when we first met? You didn't smile for a whole year, not even once. I remember the first time I saw you smile, and then we met Hex and I got to hear you laugh, too." She smiled at the memories like they hadn't faded at all.
I wasn't sure if I was embarrassed yet, but she looked and sounded 100% honest, like always.
Hex and I were both silent. I don't think either of us realized that she was the first one to make me smile after so long, or that I didn't laugh again until all three of us were friends. I didn't even remember until now. She's been keeping an eye on me this whole time, just waiting to catch a glimpse of my happiness.
"My point is, when you smile, it makes me happy." She looked so genuine. "So if you're worried about me, you should just do some more of that."
"I-I'll try." I said, flustered. It was almost weird to be around someone who I hadn't traumatized.
"Did you guys want to tell me anything?" Her dark eyes looked like black holes that could suck the secrets right out of you. She twisted a curly strand of her hair around her finger and waited for us to spill our guts.
I looked nervously at Hex, who had a horrible grin slowly spreading across his face as we made eye contact.
Oh my god why am I friends with this monster?
I groaned, wishing my legs weren't betraying me so I could haul ass out of there. I hid my face in my arms and pulled my jacket collar up until it was covering my entire head, groaning.
"Well now I'm really interested!" Exclaimed Anderly, no doubt seeing Hex's dumb face.
"Well, you know how you passed out like a freshman last night?"
No.
"Yeah, that wine had me fucked up." Said Anderly fondly.
Ughhh.
"And you know how Cosmo and I were hitting the weed pretty hard?"
"Uh huh."
The anticipation was murdering me, I couldn't take it anymore. I sat up and yelled at Hex.
"Effing Christ, Hex, just tell her before I lose my shit."
"Cosmo and I almost fucked." He said instantly, emotionless. Like a sociopath.
I groaned and covered my entire face with both hands, burning alive. Hex sounded way too amused by this whole thing and it made me want to cry/disappear/slap the shit out of him.
After a few moments where I could swear I heard crickets chirping in the background, I spread my fingers apart so I could peek through at Anderly's reaction, which was not at all what I expected it would be.
She stood up, smacked both hands on the table and glared down at Hex. He looked like a serial killer who had just chopped someone up and was really proud of himself. He leaned away from her nervously and covered his mouth with his hands to keep from cackling at her pissed expression.
"Hex, what the crap did you do to Cosmo?" Anderly yelled.
"Anderly!" I whisper-yelled, looking around to see if any of the few park visitors had noticed. "Keep it down!"
Hex couldn't keep the laughter from his voice, and I don't think he really tried.
"What! W-what are you insinuating?" He giggled. "I assure you, it was mutually agreeable."
"Cosmo wouldn't do that, he's a sweet and innocent boy! You, on the other hand, are basically a vampire that lives off sex."
There was a pause, during which Hex didn't disagree with anything she'd said, and then they both turned their gazes on me.
"Cosmo?" Asked Hex, his chin resting on his hand casually, still smiling but not laughing anymore.
Frick.
"I-it's true. We got really high and, yeah..."
"This one didn't coerce you?" She tilted her head towards Hex. "Like, you were sober enough to consent, right?"
"I would never do that!" Replied Hex, insulted. "My god, who do you think I am?"
"Sweetheart, you really don't wanna know." Said Anderly.
"I was into it too, okay?" I said, having gone past mortified and out the other side.
I lowered my voice. "And we stopped before anything really happened. We just made out. A lot."
"I'm surprised the fireworks didn't wake you up, Anderly." Muttered Hex.
"Oh my god, why? Why are you like this?" I asked, horrified.
"Because he's a damn ho, that's why." Said Anderly.
"Pfft-" Hex looked like he could lose it at any moment, but he didn't deny it. "I prefer 'sexually woke'."
"Don't say woke, boomer!" I yelled.
He gasped, his hand against his chest like I'd physically struck him. "Excuse me? I'm technically a millennial, just like you, little boy."
"Let's calm down, okay? Hex, just shut it." She stuck her open palm in his face. "Cosmo, you're an adult, and I don't give a shit about sex, so you don't have to be so embarrassed, okay?" Said Anderly, gesturing in front of us.
"What was in that weed, Hex?" I asked.
He looked at me like I was a toddler.
"It was just regular bud. Not even a really strong variety."
"No fucking way. I was tripping balls all night!" I yelled angrily.
He put three fingers up. "Scout's honor."
"Well then why-"
He interrupted me by holding up a hand, and started counting off on his fingers with the other. "Cosmo. One, you didn't eat before you smoked, which was partially my bad since I didn't realize it until later. Two, you haven't smoked since high school. Three, you haven't built up any tolerance. And four, you're so underweight that a strong breeze could knock you over. That's why it affected you like that."
I was glad he hadn't said 'because you're extremely pent up' or 'because I have magic fingers and the power to turn men into putty'.
I just stared at him like an idiot. "Wait, what about you, then?"
He smiled like a normal person for once. "Honey, Sweetie, Darling. I've been smoking weed for over half your lifespan. I was feeling great, but I wasn't very high at all."
I almost jumped across the bench and strangled him. "You- what?! You're telling me I was making a fool of myself while you- Ughhh!!!" I slapped my hands against my red face.
Anderly looked like that gif with the guy eating popcorn that you post when people are arguing in the comment section.
"Hey! I never said you made a fool of yourself, come on." He was trying to be soothing, but I felt so stupid I almost stood up to get out of there. He put a hand on my arm.
He lowered his voice, since people were starting to stare.
"Cosmo. That was the best make out session I've had in a disgracefully long time. I promise. And it's not like you were feeling bad."
He was right. I hated it when he was right, which he was almost all the time.
Anderly sat up and pointed at me. "Oh yeah! Your arm was feeling better too, right?"
I sighed. "...Yeah, it really did. It kind of surprised me." I looked at my left hand and flexed my fingers.
"I knew it." Said Hex, weirdly not smug about it.
"You knew what?" I asked.
"That's why I gave it to you in the first place, dummy. I thought it might help your pain."
"Oh... Oh! T-that- I didn't even think about that, I was so... distracted..." I trailed off, and Anderly and Hex gave each other a look.
"Oh! Hex, that's a great idea! He was telling me that his pain meds weren't cutting it anymore."
Hex turned to me, questioning. "What are you even taking for pain now? Besides Tylenol."
"Well... Uh, I'm not on anything strong anymore, they just want me to take Tylenol and ibuprofen and garbage like that for my EDS. I've had a couple injections right into my shoulder, but they hurt like hell to get and only last a few days." I grimaced, remembering that disturbingly long needle.
"Oh, and a shitload of Gabapentin for the nerve stuff in my arm, but that's not a painkiller. They basically told me 'Tough luck, you're fucked' which... didn't didn't instill me with a ton of confidence in getting help."
Hex looked like he was thinking, which was pretty scary.
"I think you should try medicating with cannabis, Cosmo." He said, dead serious.
"Um, not if it's gonna make me act like a whore. No thank you." I said, hesitant as fuck.
Hex chuckled. "Of course it won't- not that there's anything wrong with being a whore, mind you. You just have to try some different things with lower THC and higher CBD, and see if it helps."
"I don't know if anything can help me at this point, Hex."
He scoffed. "Keep an open mind, please. For me, at least."
"Me too!" Blurted Anderly. "I think it's worth a shot, right?"
"I know a great dispensary, too. They're open for a while, still, we could go check it out today. My treat?" Hex raised his eyebrows at me and tilted his head to the side.
"Whatever." I said dully. "It's not like I have many other options these days."
Anything with more than a snowball's chance in hell that it might help me was enough to give it a try, but I made sure to always, always keep my hopes as low as they could go. Never get excited, never be hopeful, and then you can't get disappointed when shit inevitably fails.
"Great!" Said Hex, rubbing his hands together like a Disney villain. "I'll make some calls- Anderly?" He turned to her and stuck his hand out like I had earlier.
She rolled her eyes. "Do I look like a delivery service?" Regardless, she got his garish blue glittered Iphone out of her bag and slapped it into his waiting hand with a glare.
She looked at me while Hex sauntered off, phone to his ear.
"I'm gonna leave this trip to Hex, since he knows about this stuff and I don't."
"You're not going?" I asked.
"Nah, one of the kids from work was assaulted, and they want me to help organize some legal council for him."
I cringed at the word 'assaulted'. Being an out LGBTQ kid in this day and age was still fucking scary. Luckily there were organizations like the Colorado Queer Alliance and their best employee to lend a hand.
"Oh, well in that case, yeah, you should definitely go help." I waved her away. "Go, go. We'll be fine. You wanna meet up later?"
"You sure you can make it back to my place?" She asked, glancing down at my legs.
"Yeah, I have the Tylenol. I'm good for a while." Liar.
She stood up and hefted her bag on her shoulder, turning to leave. "Thanks, Cosmo. Yeah, I'll message you when I'm free and I'll bring dinner later or something. Tell Hex I had to go, okay?"
"No problem. Now go save the world!" I called after her. She smiled over her shoulder and waved as she walked back towards her car.
All she needs now is a cape, I thought.
~
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