Alex arrives four minutes late and is almost loses his attendance, much to his chagrin. He sits and listens to the professor drone on about the importance of story structure, like he has not spent five years hearing about the same topic. He doodles as the class goes on, hearing people fill the silence after each sentence with a well placed “uh huh” or “of course”. He is bored and also pissed at the narration, trying to direct his thoughts anywhere but warm hazel eyes looking at him in awe.

That’s when his phone vibrates.

+52 1 81 1431 2603

Coffee? I’m on the 2x1 line.

He opens the chat and his fingers hover over the screen. Is this a choice? Does this count as one?

Alex

I don’t have any money.

+52 1 81 1431 2603

Not asking that. 🙃

“What am I doing?” he thinks, and in all honesty, I could not tell him because he really doesn’t know. And with that he says, “Screw it.”

Alex

You know my order.

+52 1 81 1431 2603

I sure do! 😁

This is how twenty minutes later, Moritz is handing over to Alex, again, a cold brew with two dashes of cream and three spoonfuls of brown sugar, as they enter their classroom and are, once more, met with curious stares. He feels like a gold digger, or a coffee digger? Is there such a thing as a coffee digger? (No, there's not).

They sit next to each other, the class starts, and they remain quiet as the importance of the “political jingle” is imparted onto them. It’d be more interesting if he had not studied the exact same example of campaign and jingle in four other classes, that would keep him from being distracted. He keeps eyeing Moritz and wondering if what he is doing is right.

Let's check the facts:

1.- Moritz is infatuated.

2.- He is a foreigner and that never ends well.

3.- Alex has no intention of entering a relationship with anyone. “True love” be damned.

4.- His friends are interested in Moritz and actually like him.

5.- He is interested in Moritz and likes his attention (no matter how much he winces at the sound of it).

6.- Moritz is infatuated, yes, but he is willing to settle for friendship.

7.- Alex wouldn’t mind a friend that complimented him (no matter how much he frowns upon hearing it).

8.- As things are, this is destined for ruin come winter.

Alex feels his stomach plummet at that last bit. Whatever he is doing, is apparently not working. Does that mean that the whole romance thing will die out come winter? Or that his relationship with the German will sour beyond belief? He is already friends with his friends, does that mean they’d have to take sides? Will he lose them to Moritz? Alex has already made peace with his friends leaving him as well, but not a whole year earlier than planned! He can’t accept that.

“As things are”, the narration had said, and he has been, is being, prickly with Moritz. If he changed that, would that solve things? Is this a choice or is the narration pushing him? Also, will the narration ever stop repeating whatever he is thinking at the same time? He is at the cusp of a migraine.

Then he hears a bell, and just like that his class is over. Everyone around is picking up their notebooks and laptops, and he feels a little lost.

“Remember, next class we are discussing protest songs,” Mr. Lopez says, picking his stuff up and then walking directly to him. “Alex, are you ok? You have been grimacing during the whole class, and you barely participated. Did something happen?”

“Um… I’m fine. Just a migraine, nothing to worry about. Thanks, professor!” he says, blushing. Mr. Lopez nods appreciatively and tells him to maybe not drink so much coffee (although he has barely touched his drink). Alex then starts grabbing his things and, suddenly, notices Moritz is not there. He had left while he was talking to the professor.

If he wanted to catch up to him, he could find him walking down the stairs, on his way to the north exit.

“Why I would want to catch up to him,” he thinks, like if he weren't running after him almost immediately. He groans at that.

He catches Moritz on the third flight of stairs.

“Hey, why did you leave me,” he says.

“I…” Moritz seems shocked. “You, wanted me to wait?”

“We… Well... aren’t we still going the same way?”

“Yeah… Yeah! Um. Sure. Let’s walk together!”

Alex doesn’t know what he is doing. He wants to blame Eva, the heat, the narration, anything… but he is doing this all on his own without much thought. 

They walk silently under the scorching heat. Alex is thankful that his hair is up in a bun, else this walk would be criminal, but at least the sun gives him a reason for the silence. Alex is not great at smalltalk, he keeps trying to find something to say to lighten the mood, to be friendly, to make a damned choice that will improve on what he knows! But he thinks all his options sound contrived and he hates them. There has to be some conversation starter that is friendly, interesting and not creepy. He just needs to think harder.

Or he could leave it to Moritz.

“Alex, am I… a nuisance to you?” he asks quietly, breaking the silence and Alex’s thought process. This is also a way to start a conversation.

Alex stops walking and turns to Moritz, who seems really concerned. “Vergas,” is all he can think of, followed by saying, “I’m sorry, I don’t follow?”

“I am asking if I am annoying you,” he says, now with more confidence. “I don’t want to be an imposition to you, Alex.”

“Ok? But, güey, where is this coming from?” he asks. As if he didn’t know.

“Come on, Alex! You’re going to tell me this has been… normal?” he answers. “Look, I know I came on too strong and as a… fuckboy to you. That was honestly not my intention, I swear to you I was just trying, and failing, to be charming.”

“Didn’t we discuss this already?”

“Not quite! I mean I… sort of apologized? But then we went to Eva on the cafeteria, and I promise I didn’t know you two were friends! She didn’t tell me until later that day, while you were in class, and that’s why I thought of the coffee the first time to like… not make you mad, because I wanted to know you. But then you got mad and defensive, and apparently that is all I can offer to you… and I just,” he stops and looks at a very confused Alex. “I’m sorry. I’m rambling.”

“A little, but I think I get the gist of it?”

“Just, let me try and piece the idea, I want to tell you this, ok?” he says, to which Alex nods, not knowing that else to do. The German takes a long pause, bringing his clasped hands near his mind and allowing his usually sunny face to wrinkle in concentration. After two or three deep breaths, he looks at Alex dead in the eye. “I think you are cool, ok? But I worry that my interest is one sided and that I am just pissing you off. I mean, yeah, last week you said it’d be ok if we are friends, but Eva says you are a really kind person and I don’t know if I am just imposing myself. Like today… you’ve seemed off and mad all day, you were very emphatic on our begrudging friendship, you got super flustered when I complimented you (although I was loud, I am sorry for that), and throughout lunch you kept looking my way with a lot of… concern on your face? Then on the last class you were grimacing during the whole thing, and you barely touched the coffee… I mean, you are still holding it! I just… I’m sorry if I’ve unknowingly pissed you off, or been pressuring you in any way. If I am making you uncomfortable, please tell me so I can work on that.”

Alex is stumped. Apparently all his worrying has done nothing more than exacerbate the problem.

“Look, Mo... güero,” he says. “I am bad at opening up and connecting to people. All my friendships have been initiated by somebody else that just… stuck. Ok? So I don’t mind you sticking around, you seem nice. You have nothing to do with my mood today, I’m just a little prickly and have been otherwise preoccupied, as I told you. Don’t worry.”

That last was half a truth, still he didn’t want Moritz to feel bad, which had surprised him. He could have just told him “Yes, you are a pain in the ass, pendejo” and ditched him, but he just couldn’t allow himself to do so.

“So… are we ok?”

“I think so,” Alex answers. “But I just… vato, we’ve known each other just a few days, why are you being so intense about this?” 

“Because you guys treat me like a person.”

“What?”

“Most people take a look at me and treat me like an anecdote, or... prey,” Moritz says with an exasperated sigh. “When I arrived and my i-Buddy —you know, the one who is supposed to guide me?— noticed I spoke and read Spanish, he basically left me to die and started flirting with the girls that came on my group. The other people I’ve met, are more interested in me getting into their pants than what I do with my life. Then there’s the other internationals and, they seem to like the attention more than I do? Some even call me a wuss because I am apparently too serious. Others are just formed cliques and, that’s just annoying to deal with.”

Moritz sits on the sidewalk and pats a spot next to him. Alex sighs and follows him.

“Then I met Eva,” the German says with a smile. “Unlike others she didn’t just ask me where I was from and what sports did I play; she asked me why I was here, what did want to do, what did I like. She is easy to talk to, helps me in class and loves to gossip like I do. Then there’s Carlos, who is just hilarious! He keeps sending me memes, recommending movies and we exchanged skincare routines. Even Angela is nice, and I haven’t even met her, she sent me a whole list of “school hacks” to survive the semester… and then there’s you.”

“What about me?” Alex’s voice comes out in a mellow tone he didn’t even thought he could produce.

“Well... “ Moritz is looking at him intently now. He doesn’t even know where to start without breaking the one rule Alex placed, so he goes for a tangent. “You sing beautifully and are a multi instrumentalist.”

“Vato, no mames,” Alex says while laughing.

“I still don’t know why you got SO mad at me for complimenting you on that. It is so impressive!”

“I just… I don’t do well with compliments, ok?”

“Well, I’ll try to control my complimenting, but I just got excited, I finally know something about you!” Moritz says poking at him.

“You already know things!”

“Not enough! We said we’d be friendly, but it’s not like we’ve spoken a lot about one another,” he answers.

“Oh, come on, it’s just been two weeks, you could say one because this one is barely starting!” Alex says defensively. “That's hardly enough time for you to know my whole life.”

“Yeah, but by now I already know all about the divorce of Eva’s parents, Carlos told me about his acting career, he even lent me one of his grandfather’s movies; hell, Angela texted me about her dance workshops in NYC throughout the weekend,” Moritz retorts. “You and I don’t talk that much, do we? So of course every new tidbit about you is going to be exciting for me!”

Alex feels the blood rush to his face, so he just decides to curl up in a ball. They remain like this, in silence, for a few minutes. Then Alex stands up and gives Moritz a hand.

“You still haven’t answered my question, güero, what about me?” Alex says trying to be casual. “Why is it so important to befriend me?”

“You bring them together. Eva, Carlos and Angela, I mean,” Moritz says with a shrug. “That’s what they say. So if I annoy you, I doubt I could be part of such a charming group.”

This is a half truth. They both know it. Alex won’t press it, he likes that answer, and so they start walking again.

“You don’t have to try so hard, you know,” Alex says. “Just don’t be a dick and I am sure we will get to know each other naturally. No need to force it.”

“Ok,” is all Moritz answers, but Alex can hear the smile on his voice.

Alex is not sure if he has solved anything, or if his actions constitute the choices that Eva spoke of. What he does know is that right now, walking next to Moritz in the sunset, he feels pretty good. It’s been a while since that.