There’s a tense silence, and then Noah lets out a long-held breath.

“I suspect that’s the last we’re going to see of Ralph for a while,” he says, setting his beer down on the table. He shakes out his hand; I didn’t notice how tightly he’d been clinging to the bottle.

“I think you’re right.” Aiden’s voice is suddenly quiet. “But, just to be safe, I’d prefer it if everyone slept here tonight. Noah, you can take the couch.”

“No difference to me.” Noah slides the door open, then pauses. “Aiden… thank you.” Aiden doesn’t answer, and Noah nods, like he didn’t expect him to. “Night, Jamie,” he says, glancing at me. I stare at him, surprised.

“Oh, uh. Goodnight.”

Noah steps inside, leaving us on the porch. I finally uncross my stiff arms; I’d been hugging myself for the entire length of the confrontation. Probably not the most intimidating look from me, but I think Aiden more than took care of that aspect of things. I step towards him, uncertain, wanting to touch him but not sure if he’s in the right headspace for that. A few minutes pass, and then a few more.

“Aiden? Are you-?”

He turns wordlessly and opens the door. I follow him inside. Noah is stretched out on the couch, the lights flipped off. He can’t possibly be asleep yet, but I guess he doesn’t want to talk, because he doesn’t stir as Aiden and I pass through to the bedroom. I shut the door after us and lean against it, watching Aiden. He stops in the middle of the room, facing the far wall.

“You don’t feel good about that, do you?” It’s more of a statement than a question.

“Awful,” he says, without turning around. “I’m fucking sick to my stomach, man.” He finally turns to face me. “Jamie, you know, right, you know that I didn’t mean any of that terrible stuff-”

His expression is dramatically different from what it was before. Suddenly he looks miserable, his cheeks a burnt red and his fingers pressed to his mouth, his eyes blinking too fast. I’ve never seen him like this, and it feels like a kick to the lungs. My heart twists painfully in my chest; without giving myself time to think, I lurch up from the door and straight to him.

“Aiden.” I throw my arms around him, and he hugs me back tightly, grabbing handfuls of my shirt, his fists balling against the back of my neck. “Oh, babe. You’re okay.”

He lets me go just as quickly as he grabbed on, stepping away and pressing a hand to his chest.

“Jesus Christ,” he stammers. “I feel…”

A water glass on his dresser cracks and falls apart.

“Okay, Aiden, hang on.” I grab his hands, hold him still. “That wasn’t out of malice or just to be a jerk. Remember how Ralph tried to force all those drinks on you, how he abandoned Noah in the woods, all that horrible shit he said about Melanie, he ambushed me at my apartment, actually beat Noah to hell, probably more than one time… Not to mention that he was threatening us, and there is no chance that he was bluffing. We tried to talk to him, he wasn’t having it-”

“I know all that,” Aiden says, his shoulders sagging. “I know that there wasn’t another way. It doesn’t change anything. I thought it would, but it doesn’t. That’s not me anymore. That’s not me.”

“No,” I tell him firmly. “It was pretend, even if it was - very convincing. Is that why you had Kasey staking out Ralph’s place? The safe combo?”

“Yes.” Aiden pulls his hands out of mine, avoiding my eyes. “I did actually go over there, but just to get the money, not to spy on him or do all that creepy stuff that I said. Straight in, straight out, I wasn’t-”

“Aiden.” Why won’t he look at me? “Listen, it’s late. You wanna get into bed?”

He bites his lip and nods. We both kick off our shoes. I step into the bathroom to brush my teeth and change into the pair of pajama shorts he loaned me. When I come back out, the light is off. Aiden is in bed, curled up on top of the covers, turned away from me. The room is dark and still, a little chilly from the cool night air drifting through the window.

I climb into bed next to him. Press my front against his back, tangle my legs with his, bury my nose in the soft hair at the base of his neck. I know that he’s awake, but he’s quiet for a long moment.

“I can’t believe that you want to touch me right now, after seeing that. It didn’t bring back high school memories?”

I trace my fingers along the ridge of his hip bone while I answer.

“Aiden, we both know that you never came after me like that. That just made the way you treated me look like kindergarten stuff. I’m just now realizing how much you held back with me, actually, because that was something else.”

I feel him let out a sigh.

“Noah was right, this wasn’t the time to hold back. If Ralph is issuing threats, everyone we care about is in trouble. Kent, Gabby, maybe even Destinee or Angie, I don’t know. Noah’s sister. I wanted to send a particularly strong message.”

“Well, you definitely succeeded. But don’t let time skew your memory, okay? Yes, you used to be awful to me, but it was not that.” I poke his side gently. “Don’t get it twisted.”

He rolls over, and now we’re facing each other on our sides.

“I was worried you’d be more freaked out,” he says softly. “I didn’t think you’d want to be anywhere near me right now.”

“Aiden, you said it yourself, that’s not you anymore. I shouldn’t have agreed to this. I should have known how hard it would be on you. But you have to know that I don’t see you as that person. You’re who you are now. You help people. Even if that felt really sucky, you were trying to help Noah. And me, for that matter. At the expense of your own feelings. It was... hard to watch, yes, but I’m not afraid of you. I know who you are.”

This is a night of many long silences. Aiden just looks at me, his eyes sorrowful and dark.

“You don’t know how bad I feel about what I put you through in high school.” He breaks his gaze away and rolls onto his back. “I think about it every day. Or I used to, until I came back. You’re so damn nice about it, I almost forget to feel bad. I have no idea how you do that.”

I inch closer to him and test out resting my head against his chest. He doesn’t object, only curls his arm around me and holds me there. I want to answer him, but I can tell he’s working up the nerve to say something more, so I wait.

“How could you ever forgive me?” he finally asks, his voice turned raspy. “I still can’t wrap my head around it. I still can’t really believe that you want to be with me, when that’s our history. I thought there was only a scrap of a chance you’d even be willing to speak to me.”

“Aiden.” I nuzzle my nose into his chest. “You’re not giving yourself enough credit. I never would have wanted this with the old you, true. But again, we’re talking about who you are now. This is the you that decided he wasn’t going to let rage and alcohol swallow up his whole life. This is the you who fought his way back, who’s trying his hardest, who cares about others - this is the you that you built.” I lift my head so that I can look him in the eye. “You’ve worked so hard. This all made me remember how far you’ve come, from what you were.”

Aiden shakes his head like he doesn’t understand me at all.

“Are you ready to forgive literally anyone?”

“Not anyone. I have my limits. But I do think that people usually deserve a second chance. Even Ralph, for the record.”

“What?”

I shrug, trying to think how to put it.

“I have a feeling that maybe, one day, you and Ralph will be able to work things out. He clearly gives a shit about you, somewhere deep down inside, and I think you feel the same way. I know you wouldn’t have been happy doing that to anyone, but. Especially him.”

“You think he and I are gonna work our shit out, after that?”

“I’m saying that if he ever asks you for a second chance, and he actually means it, you should give it to him. Just like I gave one to you.” I tap Aiden’s nose with my finger. “Or you might have to be the one to ask him. Based on tonight’s performance. I don’t know. I’d definitely wait until things calm down, though.”

Aiden stares at me, a little speechless, apparently.

“You’re so good,” he says. “It’s ridiculous. I never thought… after everything from high school…” He touches a finger to my jaw, captures me in his blue gaze. “But I always hoped. That we could - that we could start over.”

My pulse is kicking up to an unmanageable speed. I can feel a blush spreading everywhere, across my face and neck and ears, but it doesn’t matter. I don’t even have the capacity to be embarrassed right now, not when Aiden is telling me such impossible things. I always hoped, he said.

“Well - we did start over.” I lean down and put a soft kiss onto his lips, to demonstrate. “As much as any two people can, anyways.”

He threads his fingers through my hair, rewards me with a teeny tiny little smile. I match it with a giant one of my own, startling a huffing laugh out of him.

“So, um. Am I to discern that you had a little bit of a crush on me in high school, dude?”

“A. Little. Bit. Of. A. Crush.” Aiden lets out another short laugh, takes his arm from around me, and presses his palms against his eyes. “Oh, man.”

“So then why!” I can’t help it, I have to ask. “Why was I your favorite target? I would have liked you a lot more if you just didn’t do that stuff!”

“It’s - complicated. Hard to explain.”

“Okay, well, tell me something. What did I even do to attract your attention? I’ve wondered for years.”

Aiden is quiet for a moment, hesitating.

“It was the first day of school. I picked you out of the crowd in the hallway before the bell even rang.”

“Seriously?” I sit upright, staring down at him. “What, like, at random?”

“No, of course not. I heard your energy.” He swallows. “It was so - I don’t know how to describe it. Bright and sweet and - different from anybody else’s that I’d listened to before. I heard it over all the other noise, it was crazy. Still remember how that felt. I just walked down the hall until I figured out who it was coming from, and it was you.”

Something indescribable is happening in my chest right now. It almost makes me dizzy, and I have to force myself to focus.

“Okay, so you heard that, and you thought, I’m gonna give this guy hell? I don’t get it!”

Aiden groans.

“I thought a lot of dumb stuff, all of which made sense at the time. Not so much, in retrospect.” He winces. “All I can say is that I’m sorry. And you know what? This time with Ralph, this is it. I’m never doing that again. For any reason. Even if it’s fake, and even if it solves whatever ridiculous problem we happen to be facing. I can’t stand the way it fucking feels, not anymore. I hate it.”

“I think that’s a very smart idea.” I drop my forehead to rest against his. “You’ve grown so much, man. I know your aunt probably tells you, but just in case no one has recently, I want to say it. Like, not to be corny, but... I’m really proud of you.”

Aiden buries a hand in my hair again, something moving in the blue pools of his eyes. I lean forward and gently place one kiss on each of his eyelids, one on his nose, and a longer, deeper one on his mouth. His lips part beneath mine, his fingers tightening their grip on my hair. I feel his heartbeat speed up against all of the points of contact between us.

His eyelashes are wet. I notice the damp brush of them against my cheeks and pull back immediately.

“Aiden, we don’t have to do this right now, I was only-”

“No.” He locks his arms around my neck. “Please, I - I just want to forget about everything. Just for a minute.”

He doesn’t have to tell me twice.

~~~~

I blink awake slowly, momentarily forgetting where I am. Aiden sleeps with all of his windows open and the blinds rolled up, which means that white, early morning sunlight is stretching its fingers over the room. No wonder he always gets up so early.

I check the time on my phone and blink in surprise; it’s actually almost 10:00. A glance through the window reveals that the clouded sky is diffusing the sunlight. Not early, then, just a grey day.

What woke me up? The muffled sound of voices, coming from the porch.

Aiden is next to me, his hair a silly bedheaded mess on the pillow. I think he’s feeling a little better; he seemed to unthaw in my arms last night, find his way back to himself.

So - who’s outside? Kent, maybe? I climb out of bed and steal some of Aiden’s mouthwash, rinse my face off before I move out to the porch.

I pause in the doorway, surprised. Noah is out there, leaning against the railing, chatting with Raj.

“-a back feed system into the circuit panel,” Raj is saying.

“Oh, yeah, you should really get a pro, dude,” Noah answers. “No offense, but even the way you’re explaining this, it doesn’t sound like you’re experienced enough to do it yourself.”

“Um.” I step out outside and slide the door shut. “Hi?”

Raj and Noah turn.

“Oh, hey, man.” Raj waves, smiling brightly. He and Noah are both smiling, actually. Good conversation, I guess? Or maybe Noah is just excited about his first day of real freedom. Thank you, Aiden.

“Hey, Raj, how’s it going?”

“Pretty good! You look surprised to see me. Did you forget that you told me to drop off the work order this morning?”

Oh, shit. I did forget. I texted him last night and told him that I’d be at this address, but it completely flew out of my mind, with everything going on.

“Sorry, yeah! I can sign it right now.” I accept the clipboard Raj is holding out and scribble my name at the bottom.

“I was just telling your friend Noah that the wiring at the house I’m fixing up is a disaster. I know the basics, but I’m better with a hammer and nails. Take a look at my pre-electrocution face now, because this may be the last time you see it.”

“Hey, I-” Noah hesitates. “I wouldn’t mind coming over and taking a look at it, bro.”

Raj raises an eyebrow.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I haven’t gotten to play around with ripped up wires for a long time, and I could probably tell you how much to pay someone without getting ripped off.”

“I’m going over there right now,” Raj says, smiling. “Jamie, you want to come, too? Get some ideas for the flowers and stuff?”

“Sure, but I need to get changed, wake up Aiden…”

“Bet. I’ll go to the car and deal with some calls. Meet me down there?”

Noah and I both nod, and Raj disappears down the stairs.

“That guy is pretty chill,” Noah says.

The sliding glass door clicks open again, and Aiden shambles out, yawning.

“What’s going on?” he mumbles tiredly, crossing the porch to me.

“We’re going on a field trip,” I tell him, and then freeze in surprise as he winds an arm around my shoulder and bends to plant a little kiss on my lips.

“G’morning,” he says, his voice still threaded with sleep. I twist to look at Noah, who is staring at us, his eyes perfectly round, mouth hanging open.

“Um, babe-” I anxiously lay a hand on Aiden’s chest. Does he realize what he just did? “Noah’s right here.”

Aiden lifts his sleepy gaze to Noah.

“Something you want to say?” he asks mildly, leaning his chin on my head.

“I - uh - I don’t - what-”

Aiden watches his shocked stammering for a minute, then looks back down at me.

“What’s all this about a field trip?”