I need to sneak out.
I walked down the sandy beaches, wearing my favorite beachwear and armed with a surfboard.
If someone would see have seen me, it would seem that I am going to surf. Which I am not… Hehehe!!!
Looking at the mirror, if I may say so, I look rocking… With my sexy walk, I would have gotten wolf whistles… Maybe I SHOULD go to a human beach…
I slapped myself…
No… No… I have to FOCUS!!?!!
Wait… I looked closely at the mirror…
I considered my face for a while. I don’t feel I am forgetting something. Still I need to confirm…
I coughed a few times to clear my throat, preparing to call one of my most trusted people.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to recite, “Mirror, Mirror, On the wall...” But when my eyes open, I couldn’t NOT be horrified. “OHHH MY GODDD!!!” I let out a scream… a bit manly bellow (Definitely NOT a scream!!!) and backed a few steps…
“Har Har Har!! Very funny!!!” The mirror replied dryly. “You don’t have to look so horrified…”
I pointed out. “You have got… things on your face… I mean… Surface…”
The Mirror rolled its eyes and replied. “What do you expect?? I am babysitting.”
I considered him. He had red lipstick, deep pink blush painted on his cheekbones, blue glitter… No, I think that’s glue… around what should be his eyes (I guess it was meant as a… I don’t know… Mascara?? Maybe a blue Mascara.) and something like a black penguin mustache going on.
“So playing makeup or something??”
The mirror rolled its blue glitter… uhh… mascara eyes at me and clarified. “No. Not really…”
I cranked up my eyes and shuddered. “Ohh… Good. Anything other than playing Tea Party. Because that is a horri…”
“This is FOR the tea party!! You know, to learn proper tea party decorum… or something. I don’t know. The Girls wanted to dress up a bit…”
“…fic. Simply Horrific… Wicked!!! Awesome!!?!! And it is…” I paused, holding down a shudder. “I am running out on words to describe how I feel.”
I felt a chill down my spine. I don’t know why parents let their children play that… thing. “Uhh… so just a quick question… which tea party are you playing?? Just to understand… the British Ladies one or the Chinese Harem one??”
I don’t like tea parties. I always get confused between the two. I love tea just as the next person does. But I HATE tea parties. I had a bad experience with a harem tea party once.
All of the wives of a husband were fighting (quite literally!!!) to emerge as the ultimate lady of the house. I kinda was horrified since it was my first time at a tea party with women… so called noble women, having that kind of a cat fight.
I just wanted to shout out to them ‘Ladies, if a guy marries and can’t make up his mind on ANY ONE OF YOU, then he doesn’t deserve ANY OF YOU!!??!!! Just leave his cheating ass!!! Cheaters should just die!!!’
After that, I have been reluctant to even play tea parties with little girls. Which is so sad, because I LOVE playing with all children. I just LOVE… LOVE them.
I sighed. This isn’t the time to have distressing thoughts. I will get wrinkles on my forehead.
Today I looked like a middle aged, total with hairy arms & legs, jiggling boot-a-licious bum and a full belly (They are called Love handles, Thank you very much!!?!!).
I checked my swim trunks… Again (You can never be sure…)