It’s eight o’clock when I check my phone, and I haven’t cooked yet. I put my clothes on and run downstairs only to find my children already chilling in front of the TV.
“Good Morning!” I chirp.
“Morning, daddy!” Kat and Kenny say at the same time.
I almost ran into Keith who's going to throw out the trash.
“Hey, did you eat?” I ask him.
“We already did.” He points his finger to the kitchen.
I rub my temples and take a sit next to Kat in the couch. Kennedy and Katherine both looks at me in such a strange way.
“Dad, are we still going to the carnival?” Kennedy asks me.
“Yes. Of course.” Fuck! I completely forgot about that. “We leave at four, okay?”
“Okay.” Kennedy cheers then disappears to her room upstairs.
“Dad, can you braid my hair?” Kat hands me a bunch of elastics.
My hands are starting to split Katherine’s hair into sections and start braiding it. I don’t know how to do fancy braids, so I just do the regular ones while my thoughts are wondering around.
It has been four weeks since I keep my distance from Lara or I suppose it is the other way around. I couldn’t even see her around the neighborhood any longer and she declined all the meetings that we have scheduled earlier. She told me that she couldn’t make it to the office and only sent the manuscript by mail. I miss her. So much.
“Ouch!” Katherine scream when I acciddently pull a tiny piece of her hair.
“I am sorry, sweetheart!” I even almost let go of her unsecured braided hair in my hands.
“Do you think we will see Lara at the Carnival, daddy?” Katherine is looking at me over her tiny shoulder.
My heart sinks.
“I hope so.” I truly am praying.
“I miss her.”
“You do?”
“Yes.” She admits.
“I miss her, too.” Kennedy joins us back in the living room with her pink fluffy mini backpack. “She’s really nice and she bakes a delicious cupcakes.”
“I like her. She’s pretty, just like Ariel.” Katherine adds.
With a broken heart, I secure Katherine’s braid with an elastic.
“Can we take her to the Carnival?” Kennedy asks for my permission and pops an idea in my head.
“Err…” My tongue gets twisted somehow.
“Please, daddy!” Katherine pleads.
“I don’t know, Sweetheart. She could have plans with her family or friends. We can’t just force her to come with us.”
“We could ask her first.” Kennedy shrugs her shoulders.
“Don’t bother!” Keith slams the door.
“Why do you hate her so much?” Kennedy picks a fight. Again. With her brother.
“I just saw her leaving.” Keith answers. Unbothered by Kennedy.
“Already?” Katherine sounds her disappointment.
“Yeah. She took her car.”
“I thought that everyone’s going to the Carnival.” Kennedy can’t hide her disappointment too.
“Well, some people needs to go to their friends and family.” I cup Kennedy’s face.
I take my leave and head upstairs to hide my feelings about this. My legs don’t even have then energy to walk me up to my room anymore. I feel so drained. Even when I see Keaton sleeping peacefully like this can’t fill the empty place that she left behind.
What did she do to me?
All my life, I have never felt so helpless like. Even with Kylie, I felt like I completely had her. I had the control, full control of her. I have never wanted anything in my life like I want her. Now. And yet I know that she does not want me.
Should I call her? I have been texting her, not that she did not reply to any of my texts. It’s just that she reply with the simplest answer ever, like she did not take an interest on texting with me. If I call her, will she answer? What if she decline my phone? I wouldn’t be able to sleep if she really did. Screw it! I am just going to give it a try.
Dear, God! She is not answering.
“Hello?!”
Is this a dream?
“Lara?” I make sure of it.
“Speaking.” She answers cheerfully.
“Hi!” I can’t help but smile from ear to ear when I hear her sweet voice.
“Hi!”
“…”
“Kyle?”
Shit! My mind was away.
“Yes. How are you? I mean how have you been doing?” I shut my eyes tightly over my stupid conversation starter.
“I am doing great. Thanks for asking. How are you and the kids?”
“We miss you.” I blatantly answer her question. Dumb ass.
“…”
“I mean, the kids miss you.” I should lie better.
“Oh, I miss them too.” She surrenders.
“Actually, they have been wandering if you could join us for Lunch.” I fold my lips together, waiting for her answer.
“Hmm, I am sorry. I have plans.” She lets me down once more.
“Oh, I… Err...” I am too disappointed to blurt out words right now.
“But I will be at the Carnival. Are you guys going?” She picks me up right after she broke my heart.
“You are?” My excitement leads me to talk like a little boy.
“Uh huh!” She answers. “Are you not coming?”
“Of course, I will! We will.” Again, I answer too fast.
“I will see you guys at the Carnival, then.”
“I’ll, Um, I’ll…”
“Dad!” Keith cuts me off.
“I’ll see you later.” I disconnect the call.
“Who’s calling?” He seems suspicious.
“Nobody.” Probably the most fucked up answer there is.
“So, you’re talking to a phone ghost?”
“What do you need?” I put my phone back into my pocket.
“Sorry, to bother you with your fuck buddy, but Keaton is running out of diapers.” He rolls his eyes.
“Lara is not my fuck buddy, and the diaper is still in my trunk. I forgot to take it out.” I walk pass him to get the diapers.
“Sure, she's not your fuck buddy. Yet.” He mumbles.
I turn to him with a temper in my head, “Could you please not pick a fight in a peaceful Sunday morning?”
“I am just saying facts.” He spits.
“It’s not a fact!” I glare at him.
“Not yet.” He glares back at me then go ahead to leave me being dumbfounded in the hall.
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