Read Ebony Pin :: Thirteen - Visions in a Shell

In the many days after that, Lord Hebo would spare time from being with me, to attend to his duties as the Lord of the Rivers.

And while I understood that it was only right that he focused upon his duty to his subjects and domain, and thus never complained to anybody—I had to admit that I had occasionally felt lonely in this period.

It was like… my days upon the moon again.

But there were many things that were different as well.

Entertainment was no longer limited to two or even one participant, as I had many people to play with now! Many games were simply not possible when there were only two people, but now I could play tag, kick-a-conch, or even sing and dance and play instruments in a band.

Everything was so much more lively now!

…and yet, every once in a while, I would return to my bed, and lie listlessly upon it.

…feeling lonelier than ever I had felt before.

I had tried to eavesdrop in the main hall, but realized by the endless and difficult talks that they had there, that there was nothing I could do to help them out.

To help Lord Hebo out.

I turned and looked up at the glow snails on the ceiling.

They always reminded me of the snow on the moon.

‘I want to sort snow…’

‘Make some rice cakes…’

‘Maybe eat them too…’

It was surprising to think, even though I had fled the moon of my own accord not too long ago, how strongly I yearned to see it now. I missed the peace and quiet. I missed the landscape of pure white. I missed the palace full of strange tools and the fragrance of herbs. And most of all—!

‘I want to see Sister…’

This I said as I turned and buried my face into the pillows. It was too late for it, but I felt sorry about suddenly leaving without saying a single word to her.

She hadn’t done anything wrong to me, and I berated myself for acting like I had done back then.

Then again… it was because I had acted the way I had, that I was able to meet Lord Hebo…

I rubbed my nose against the pillows in search of a whiff of his masculine, reassuring scent.

I hugged the pillow, and wondered about what he was doing, slowly dozing as I wondered how he would treat me when he returned…

Never knowing that the days of my happiness were already numbered.

I woke up one day to find Lord Hebo standing over me beside the bed. But I realized as I called out to him, that he wasn’t there anymore.

Not the Lord Hebo that I knew.

He shook his hands away when I held out my own, and covered up his face.

‘Go back to sleep, Xuanzan’, he said as he turned back towards the door.

‘But where are you going Milord’, I said, almost pleading—

‘I have more work to attend to’, he answered me brusquely and began stepping away.

I had waited so long to be with him, having to part with him again so soon, so suddenly, and in such cold fashion—shook my very heart within me, and squeezed it into tears.

‘When will you be back!’ I cried.

But he shut the door behind him without answering my question.

And he never answered my questions again.

From that day, Lord Hebo would often be absent from the River Palace, doing things I knew nothing about, for he never shared them with me.

The only conversation we had were the one-sided commands for me to keep to my quarters, telling me he was busy, as he occasionally entertained his strange human guests, in their fiery red robes.

Slowly, even my right to wander the palace would become limited.

Days would pass and then nights would pass without even a glimpse of his face, as I cried myself to sleep in my bed every single time.

In what used to be our bed.

He no longer laughed with me, smiled at me. He wouldn’t even talk with me properly anymore.

Even as I cried and sobbed and clung onto the cuffs of his golden robes, he would only shake himself free of me, without even a trace of anger.

I was… no longer visible within his eyes.

The entire River Palace was surprised at the sudden turn of treatment that he was giving me, and they all pitied me and took care of my needs as before, but ultimately none dared to question the wishes of their Lord and Master.

They all kept a measured distance from me.

And I was alone.

It was loneliness greater than I had ever imagined, to be alone within the midst of so many people.

To be quiet in the midst of so much bustle and life!

… I ached for the familiar emptiness of the Lunar Realm, where there was often only me, but never Loneliness—never suffering like I felt now.

I lay upon my bed with tears glistening in my eyes as they joined with the water of the palace.

Remembering all the things I used to do upon the moon… and not being able to help imagining doing them now with Lord Hebo...

I wanted to play hide-and-seek with him…

I wanted to make snowthings with him…

I wanted to cast shells with him…

I just wanted to be with him...

I suddenly stirred in my bed as I checked my last thoughts, and reached into the pockets of my white dress.

There they were, the white turtle-shells that Sister had given me, that I had neglected practicing with for so long.

There had been times when I had given up on finding out about the past and future—because I was hopeless—because I was hopeful.

I didn’t know which one I was now, but these turtle-shells were the only thing I had left to cling on to.

… I wanted to know why.

Why had Lord Hebo abandoned me?

Why did he no longer love me?

I needed to know!

…And I needed to know everything.

I snuck into the mirror room that was always empty whenever there wasn’t a contact being made.

Sat down upon the magic circle operating all the mirrors of the chamber, and connected myself to them all, like I had connected to floating creatures that offered us light.

… It was something Lord Hebo had taught me.

I was about to use them in a forced attempt to stabilize my spirit, and connect it with the world—the same way they were regularly used to traverse great distances in communication.

It would without a doubt have severe consequences upon my own person.

But hopefully, it would be enough to give me a message I could understand.

I tried to clear my mind.

Let my spirit flow into every single mirror within the room.

Felt the ting of their surfaces as they resonated with me.

They were ready.

But I was not.

It was just so hard to clear my heart.

Visions of Lord Hebo seemed to fill the very blood coursing my veins.

Overflowing into melted tears.

I couldn’t clear my thoughts.

But my heart was so single-minded, that it was empty of all other things.