Jake’s eyes snapped open, his body drenched in sweat. Gasping a few times, he desperately tried to get air into his lungs, the nightmare stubbornly clinging to him. He didn’t think he’d screamed out loud this time. That was… progress. The panic was clawing at his brain, making it hard to breathe again. 

Checking his phone, his eyes caught on the date. Of course he’d had a nightmare today. At least it was Saturday and he could pretend he didn’t exist. 

Setting his phone on silent for the day, Jake rolled back over. He focused on his breathing, trying to get it under control, his grief settling over him like a claustrophobic blanket. Jake threw his arm over his face, willing himself not to let the tears fall until he finally drifted into uneasy sleep.

————————

There were voices nearby. Too loud. He was stuck in a sleep fog, his brain fighting to keep him from full consciousness. Prying one eyelid open, Jake barely registered that Damien was walking toward his bunk. He didn’t have the willpower to react to Damien’s tight smile. 

“Just sleep more. I have coffee and food for later, if you want,” Damien whispered, kicking his shoes off and sitting at the far end of the bed. 

Flip-flopping on the bed, Jake curled up against Damien’s leg, pulling his blanket with. He was too warm, but it was so much better than being alone. 

It had seemed fitting that he’d be alone today. Not like he could call anyone. But there was no chance he would send Damien away when he offered his comfort so readily. Hunching in on himself even more, Jake let himself sleep again. 

————————

It was uncomfortably warm. Jake tried to kick the blanket off, a sliver of panic snaking down his spine when he found himself stuck under it. Taking a shaky breath, he peered over to find Damien fast asleep, curled around him. That was… really sweet. Even in his current mental state, Jake couldn’t help but appreciate how kind Damien always was. Despite the fact that he’d accidentally trapped Jake in a weird yoga pose. Stretching his legs out, Jake rolled over, hoping to be able to slide out without waking Damien, but no such luck. 

Immediately lifting his arm so Jake could escape, Damien blinked at him sleepily for a few seconds. “Hey,” he greeted, voice soft.

“Hey,” Jake replied, barely getting the word out around the lump in his throat. He sat up, but sagged against Damien’s chest a few seconds later. 

Damien pulled him closer with one arm, reaching over the side of the bed with the other. He grabbed a bag from the floor, handing Jake a much-needed bottle of water. Jake stared at it, feeling defeated to his core, until Damien stole it back. Opening the top for him, Damien gave it back without a word. 

“Thanks,” Jake murmured, downing half the water in one go. 

Eating through the assortment of food Damien had brought in silence, Jake’s head was a tangled mess until a single coherent thought broke through. 

”How did you know?” Jake asked, leaning back to see Damien’s face better. 

“You, umm, mentioned something before class a couple weeks ago and I sort of looked it up.” Damien ran his fingers through his already messy hair. “When you didn’t answer your phone this morning, I double checked the dates and took a guess.” He was actively avoiding eye contact now. “Sorry, I wasn’t trying to pry.” 

“It’s okay.” Jake shivered, hunching his shoulders. “Surprised you found anything, though.” 

Letting out a deep breath, Damien waited a long minute before asking what was on his mind. “Is there a reason I could only find one article with a brief mention of an ‘incident’ in it?”

His chest tightened at the question, just one more terrible layer to this day. “Yes,” he said, barely audible. “It’s... complicated.”

Damien stilled. “O-okay.” 

Since he couldn’t give any more details, Jake knew it was time to change the subject. Though the next topic was not going to be light, Damien was the only person Jake knew he could trust enough with it. 

“Will you come with me— I mean, if you’re not busy and you don’t mind—” Jake cut himself off, biting his lip. “I don’t want to be alone right now,” he admitted, his voice cracking. 

“Of course.” 

“If you come with, you’re going to have more questions that I can’t answer,” Jake warned.

Pulling him closer, Damien wrapped Jake in a bear hug, gently rubbing his back. “I told you I would respect your boundaries and I meant that.” 

Everything he did took twice as long as usual, but Jake got ready to go while Damien waited for him patiently. A silence had fallen over them and though it was heavy, the day no longer felt unbearable.  

Leading the way out of the dorm, Jake pulled his hood up and shoved his hand in his pocket. The grey day seemed appropriate as they walked toward the bus stop. Jake was beyond relieved that Damien didn’t ask where they were going. He might crumble if he said it out loud. 

Double checking the bus route, Jake motioned toward the one they needed.  When their bus headed out of town, Damien peered out the window curiously, but didn’t comment. 

It was only a few stops when Jake moved toward the front of the bus with Damien close behind him. The two blocks to their destination wasn’t enough for Jake to mentally prepare himself but, despite his focus, he noticed Damien’s hesitation at the entrance to the cemetery. 

Jake wound his way through the plots slowly, evergreen leaves rustling in the breeze. Making it to the gravesite, he sank to his knees, relieved to see fresh flowers but even more relieved to be there alone. 

The grief hit anew, a flood crashing over him, drowning him. His heart was breaking, shattered in ways that couldn’t be easily healed. 

At some point, he’d started crying. Letting his roiling emotions take their course, Jake didn’t try to hold them back. Gasping through his sobs, he cried until his tears ran dry. 

The last few times he’d been here, he had felt heavy, overwhelmed. This was so painful, but also cathartic. 

“Miss you,” he whispered, his shaky words carried off by the wind. 

Finally turning away, Jake dropped his gaze when he noticed Damien standing a respectful distance away. He’d entirely forgotten Damien was there. There was plenty of confusion on his face, but under it was a mask of shared pain. 

Face planting into Damien’s chest, Jake shivered as the wind picked up. True to his word, Damien didn’t ask any questions, pulling Jake into his arms. His silent support gave Jake the strength he needed to walk the winding trail out of the cemetery. 

When they were back on the bus, Jake braved a glance at Damien. “Thank you.” His voice was still husky from his tears, but he needed Damien to understand how much this meant to him. 

An odd look crossed Damien’s face. He opened his mouth, then changed his mind, closing it quickly. 

Bumping their shoulders together, Jake shook his head. “Just say whatever it is you’re thinking.” 

“I have a lot I’m thinking right now,” Damien admitted. “But thank you for trusting me. And I know it’ll never be enough, but… I’m sorry.”

Tears welled up in Jake’s eyes and he had to fight back the sobs that threatened again. Swallowing past the lump in his throat, he leaned into Damien’s warmth.

The muted rays of the sunset began to dissipate into darkness when they got back to campus. A few people glanced their way, but no one seemed interested in bothering them. 

After the emotional ride of the day, Jake was utterly spent, drooping as they made their way toward his dorm. He finally spoke when they reached his building. “I’m going to be terrible company, but is it okay if I come over to study tomorrow?” 

Damien’s face brightened in a soft smile. “Of course. You can come any time you’d like.”