The Idiot Named Etta
I said goodbye to my clique of souls, feeling oddly sad to leave them behind. As much as I didn't like their icy touches and fly-like behaviour, I did begin to enjoy their company. The tiniest bit. But I wouldn't say that aloud because I'm sure they'd follow me forever if I let them.
My legs were smooth and shiny—all thanks to the skilled hands of Hathor and a honey wax she'd made. I ran a hand along my shin, grinning at the elderly soul who raised an impressed eyebrow.
'You see? This is how smooth I normally am.' The old soul touched my skin gently, running her chilly fingers across my leg and nodding in approval.
I felt like a new woman. Like a clean woman. Hell, I almost felt like old Etta; human Etta, not stranded-in-a-God's-realm Etta. Coming to Hathor's realm was a close second in the list of the best things to happen to me since falling down a sandy dune and landing in Amon's pond. Meeting Amon himself was obviously a first. Hathor's hand touched my shoulder gently and the souls took a step away from me, giving us both some much-needed room.
'Ready to go back?' She smiled at the souls near us, nodding her head at their antics as they waved for her attention.
'I'm so ready.'
I missed my stone bed. I missed my pillow. I missed eating grapes. But, more than anything, I missed Amon. Like a fucking idiot.
Hathor wrapped her thin fingers around my own and I gripped onto them tightly, knowing just what was coming. She counted down from three. I held my breath and clenched my teeth together, keeping my eyes glued shut as the world dipped and swirled around us. When I opened my eyes again, I was blinded by the sun reflecting from a familiar body of water. I blocked the light with my hand and squinted through the heat waves at Amon's gazebo in the distance. Then I blinked, and Amon was in front of us in all of his shirtless glory.
'My King,' Hathor said, folding into a deep curtsy.
'Hathor. Thank you for Etta's safe return.'
Amon's eyes ran over my body as though making sure I had no new injuries. I shivered when his eyes drifted back up to meet mine. I'd forgotten how pale his eyes were; how blue they looked up close. His hair was shorter than before, freshly shaven just like Hathor. I ran a hand through my clean hair and took a shaky breath, avoiding his deep eyes.
'Etta.' He held his hand out and I grabbed it instinctively, a red flush etching across my ears at how quickly I moved. Dammit.
'I hope to see you again before you return, Etta.' I looked back at Hathor and then the happiness dropped from my stomach like I'd just jumped off the tenth floor of a building.
'Me too. Thank you for all your help. And your advice.'
She smiled, but her eyes flickered to my hand entwined with Amon's. I loosened my grip slightly and pulled away. Amon held on tighter, his dark eyebrows creasing in the middle as he glanced down at me. I looked away from them both and kicked the sand, watching as the light grains scattered in the breeze. God, what was I doing? What was he doing?
And then the sand beneath my feet was stone, and we were standing in the cooling shade of Amon's gazebo, Hathor nowhere to be seen. I shook off the queasiness brought on by the quick movement. Amon led me to the day bed and helped me lay down, holding onto my waist as I lowered myself with my one good arm. He propped a pillow behind me before creating a chalice full of cold water. I grabbed it thankfully, taking a long gulp as he settled in next to me. We were silent for a moment. Both of us watching the birds on the pond before he spoke.
'How was Hathor's?'
'It was good.' I spun the water in my chalice, seeing how close I could get it to the rim without spilling.
The gazebo was the same as always: hot, small, quiet. I wondered what Amon did when I wasn't around. I wondered whether Amon felt lazy when he spent a day laying about. Probably not. I'd assume gods who had all the time in the world wouldn't worry about wasting one day away. For humans, though, one day is a good chunk of our life, and the more of them I spent laying on this bed the more worried I felt that I was losing time, wasting time, that I'd never ever get back.
'You look nice.'
Water dripped across my leg as my hand flicked the chalice too far, causing the water to drip over the edge. Amon's hand darted out and caught the chalice just before I dropped it across the clean bandage tightly wrapped around my broken arm.
'Thank you,' I whispered, flicking some water off my fingers and taking it back. I didn't know whether I was saying thank you to his compliment or his save.
Amon hummed and leant back, his eyes watching me carefully as he folded his arms behind his head. I caught his eyes for a moment before looking away. What a fucking idiot I am. Get your shit together, Etta.
'Are you hungry?'
I nodded and he sat up, thinking for a moment. Two large plates of food appeared when he swiped his hand over the gap between us. I grinned at the pile of tiger nut balls, picking one up and biting into it greedily. He watched me before picking up another one, holding it out to me with a smile. I placed my cup on the floor and held my hand out. He frowned slightly but dropped it into my palm.
'You're quiet today.'
And you're not, I thought.
I was always the one who had to start the conversation and keep it going. Today I didn't know what to say; I felt a little awkward seeing him again. I felt stupid, to be honest. Like a little human girl who knew nothing, is nothing. He's a god and I'm just a girl who made a wrong turn somewhere along the way and ended up here. For better or for worse, I'd found myself in Amon's debt and I had no way out until I was strong enough to make the trip home.
'I don't know what to say.' I replied honestly with a small shrug, biting into the ball and looking away from him.
'I thought you'd excitedly tell me about the differences in our realms.' He took a sip from a chalice I didn't see him make. I picked up a piece of fig, biting into its supple flesh.
'There are a few, but I didn't think you'd care about them.'
'I didn't know that you cared about what I thought. You've always told me everything before; why stop now?'
I shrugged. Amon let out a sigh and we fell into silence as we ate. I crushed open a small nut as I thought about what the hell I was doing. I was an idiot for developing these...feelings for Amon. I didn't even know what they were. Could I call this love? Or was it simply infatuation?
It had been a long time since I'd been in love—three years, at least. My high school sweetheart boyfriend dumped me when he realised that I'd decided I wanted to live in Egypt and aim to become an Egyptologist. I can't say I blame him a whole lot. I wouldn't have wanted to follow him to another country and sit side-lined whilst he followed his dream. But it still hurt.
If you have a relationship that's perfect in nearly every sense of the word and it just ends, amicably, then I'd dare say that hurts a lot more than a relationship that ends negatively. Unless someone died, then I think that would take the cake of "most painful breakup experiences". Amicable ends are a close second though. At least if a relationship ended badly you can hate the other person; you can yell and scream and cry and know you have someone who is "at fault". In a breakup like mine? All I ever think about are the "what ifs". What if I didn't move to Egypt? What if he decided to move with me? What if I don't ever become an Egyptologist? What if, what if, what if.
I wish I could hate him. Hell, I wish he hated me! Instead, he still sent me messages to see how I was. He even called me sometimes. Jesus, he even called my father every few weeks. He was—is—the perfect boyfriend in every sense of the word. And the perfect ex. I wonder if he knew I was missing yet.
Maybe my father was the one to tell him in one of their catch-up chats. My parents always hated that I'd ruined a perfectly good relationship for my own selfish career. I wonder how much they hate me now that I'm missing? Probably even more. When I return...if I make it back, then they'll probably wait until I'm cleared by a doctor and say, "you should never have come here". Honestly, can't really say they're wrong either.
Coming to Egypt hasn't got me anything more than a bad sock tan and a broken arm. Well, maybe it did give me a little experience. And Salma was amazing to study under—she really had taught me a lot in the small time I'd been with her. Salma was probably drinking and smoking the world away right now. I know she'd be feeling guilty that I was missing. She'd definitely be blaming herself. I wish I could contact her and tell her that everything was alright, that I'd be home soon. But I couldn't. Could I?
'Amon?' I asked, looking over at him as he sipped some wine.
The plates of food had been cleared and the sun had begun to set in the distance. I shivered at the cool breeze brushing the white curtains through the air. His eyes settled on mine as he placed his cup on the ground next to him.
'Yes, Etta?'
Oh god, his voice washed over my skin like melted butter. It oozed into the crevices of my fingers and toes, warming me from the inside out. I swallowed deeply but didn't break eye contact.
'Is there anyway to get a message to someone in the human realm?'
I shivered again, this time from the chill that had cooled the night as the sun dipped even lower. He shuffled closer, pulling his body flush against the side of mine. He was warm, just what I'd expect from a sun god.
'Why is that?'
'I want to try and contact my boss. Tell her that I'm alright.'
He was thoughtful for a moment. 'Possibly. I can ask Re to send his hawk.'
'Really?' A broad grin spread across my face as I imagined Salma crying in relief. 'Can we do that? I know Salma's out there feeling horrible for getting me killed on my first expedition into a new dig. God, she'd be feeling so horrible. She should be, too. Not that it's her fault for my falling down here—that's totally on me—but she should be feeling bad for all the shit she made me do.'
Amon watched me, a small smile edging at the side of his lips as I continued to ramble.
'Can you believe that she made me drive thirty minutes, thirty minutes to buy a pack of special cigars for "good luck"? Who does that? Plus, she didn't give me any money, so I had to pay for it myself and they were damn expensive!'
Amon hummed as he leant closer, his nose brushing along the top of my head. I continued to talk, but my voice grew quieter with every word.
'And...and she always makes me drive just because the traffic is bad and, what are you doing?' I stopped talking, my voice a bare whisper as Amon's lips pressed to my forehead.
'Nothing.'
'No, you're doing something.' His lips brushed against my forehead again as he laughed gently.
'Keep talking. I like listening to you.'
'No.'
I shook my head and pulled back a little, trying to distance myself from him. He was a literal trap! Here's Re and Hathor telling me not to get too close, not to fall in love, and then there's Amon, being all touchy-feely. What's a girl supposed to do? Amon grabbed my hand and pulled it to his chest, warming my cold digits against his flushed skin.
'What are you doing?' I whispered as he leant even closer, his free hand lifting my chin up so I would look at him.
'Should I stop?' His hand released my chin and moved to brush my hair back, his long fingers twirling into the short strands.
I nodded hesitantly. 'Y-yes, you should.' My face moved closer subconsciously and Amon tilted his head to the side.
'Are you sure about that?'
'I can't. We can't.' My voice cracked as tears welled in my eyes.
Oh, how I wanted this. Him. Whatever we had. I wanted it all; I wanted to grab all that was Amon and stuff him into my heart and carry him home. But I couldn't. And shouldn't. Hathor and Re were right—we were two completely different beings. There's no way we can be good for each other.
'Why not?' Amon's hands gripped my hair slightly tighter and I gasped, meeting his eyes once more.
'Re and Hathor said that you'll die if I fall in love with you.'
Amon's eyebrows furrowed and he sighed, leaning his head against mine. His hot breath fanned across my lips and it took all my self-control not to smash ours together.
'What if I want to die for you?'
Oh god, oh god, oh god.
Amon smiled slightly and I closed my eyes as his lips brushed against mine, ever so slightly. I took a shuddery breath and looked back at him, his eyes a swirling pool of mixed emotions. I imagined mine were the same—a warring conflict of feelings all bottled up into small irises.
'Are you sure?'
'I'm always sure.'
My face reflected his into a grin before I lifted my hand from his chest and wrapped it around his head, pulling him in and pressing my lips against his.
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