“Don’t do it.” I smush a finger over Aiden’s lips. “Don’t even do it.”

“Do what?” he asks, his voice muffled.

“Say what you’re about to say, because I already know what it is.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Oh, yes I do.”

“Really.”

“You’re going to be like-” I drop my voice as low as it can go. “Did you think about this for long enough? I only asked yesterday. Don’t you want to take more time?”

Aiden pushes my finger away.

“That is not what my voice sounds like.”

“But that’s pretty much what you were going to say, right?”

“I-” He sighs, fixing me with a disapproving frown. “Basically.”

“Yeah. I know you, dude.” I poke him in the chest. He glares at me, and then we both break and sort of smile at each other. For a few precious seconds, it feels like everything is back to normal, but Aiden quickly grows serious again, and I put my finger back on his lips. “Just listen for a sec, alright? This - this kind of stuff is hard for me to say. Please don’t make it harder.”

Aiden was clearly about to say something, but he pauses, watching me closely.

“Okay,” he murmurs. “I’m listening.”

My stomach flips nervously, but I forge ahead.

“So, um. Noah and I had this whole conversation yesterday. He told me that he’s been dating around, never serious with anyone, because - I think his exact words were: I’ll know the real deal shit when I see it.”

Aiden nods, like he already knew that. “That’s been in his head since high school.”

“I told him that sometimes it sneaks up on you,” I answer, and Aiden pauses.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, but now I think - I think that maybe we were both right. Like - sometimes it sneaks up on you, but then you see it, and you know it.” I hesitate, then reach out and take Aiden’s hands in mine. Gather up my courage, and draw in a deep breath. “Aiden… you are the real deal, for me.”

God, this is difficult. My cheeks are pretty much on fire. Aiden is just looking at me, frozen, but I feel his pulse picking up speed against my fingertips.

“I fucking know that it’s ridiculous, okay?” I qualify, scrambling a little. “You don’t have to tell me! I know that you just came back to town, and it’s been basically only one summer of this, but I swear, it doesn’t make a difference to me! I know exactly what the fuck it is, even though I’ve never felt it before, so that has to mean something! Like - I’ve seen it, I know it, it’s happening, there’s nothing I can fucking-”

“Jamie,” Aiden interrupts gently, a tiny smile turning up his lips. “Why are you shouting at me?”

Oh, god. Cold horror creeps over me. I am shouting. I didn’t realize.

“I don’t fucking know!” I let out a frustrated breath and push my palms into my eyes. “God, I’m fucking this all up.”

“No.” Aiden pulls my hands away, warm fingers pressing into my wrists. “You're not.”

“Yes, I obviously am. Is it weird if I wear my sunglasses, while we do this? That might make it easier, or maybe if you just don’t look at me-”

“Jesus, dude.” Aiden lets out a quiet laugh, that huffing sound I’m almost painfully crazy about. “You’re just as bad at this as I am, huh?”

“For fuck’s sake,” I groan. “I had this all organized in my head this morning, before you came back and I saw your stupid face, and it got me all messed up. I know that it absolutely doesn’t sound like it, but I did think about what I want to say, I’m not just-”

“Hey.” Aiden catches my hands, stills me with his gaze. “Take your time.”

I can tell that he’s nervous, which actually makes me feel a little better. At least I’m not the only one.

“Okay.” I take a moment to let my heartbeat even out. “So, here’s my question. You have to look out for everyone, right? But - who exactly is looking out for you?”

Aiden is clearly surprised by the question.

“I’m not a kid anymore. I can look out for myself.”

“That’s bullshit.” I reach up and take his face in my hands, stare right into his blue eyes. “That’s complete and total bullshit, you know that? This idea that once you’re grown, you don’t need other people to care about you and help you? Of course you do, but everyone wants to pretend otherwise.”

“That’s not what I mean.” Aiden gently pushes my hands away. “I’m saying that I can do it on my own - I can be on my own, if you don’t want to deal with this shit. I’d understand completely. I would never have chosen this for myself, believe me.”

“I know that. I can see how much it weighs on you.”

Aiden blinks and looks down, his eyebrows drawing together.

“So you can see,” he answers, his voice turned hollow, “Why I don’t want you to have to carry this, too. There are plenty of other guys you could be with, and everything would be so much easier for you.”

“Is what’s easy always the best choice? I don’t think so. I know that you’re probably the most complicated person I could choose. I know that being with you, the bad days are going to be bad, but...” I pause, then let out a soft, helpless laugh. “The good ones, though. They’re fucking perfect.”

Aiden looks back up at me. His eyes are pained, but there’s a tiny smile on his lips. It vanishes as he watches me pull myself back together. Swallowed up by worry.

“Look,” I tell him. “I understand why you want me to put it all aside, for this decision. Somehow not factor in the way I feel about you, or the way you feel about me. I’m sorry, but I’m just not going to do that. It’s all connected, so it’s impossible.”

“You-”

“Hang on, I’m not done,” I continue, pushing a finger against his lips again. “I could be wrong, but... I get the impression that you only think about the people you’ve lost. Do you ever stop and think about all of the people that you’ve helped? Like, do you realize what a good thing you’re doing, here?”

“I guess I...” he begins, and then falls silent, his eyebrows furrowed.

“Yeah. I didn’t think so. Okay, so, here’s the thing.” I take his hands again. “I actually really like helping people, and I care a lot about you-”

Aiden pulls his fingers out of mine so quickly that I cut off, startled.

“Don’t-” His voice is suddenly hoarse. “Don’t say anything that you don’t really mean, okay? I’ve been running from this thing my entire life. Are you really going to look me in the face and tell me you’re ready to run right towards it?”

I hesitate, my heart pounding, and reach up. Cup Aiden’s face in my hands. Roll onto the balls of my feet, so that I can rest my forehead on his. His hands move automatically to hold me in place.

“We can run at it together.” I nuzzle my nose against his. “Companion plants, right?”

I think he’s holding his breath.

“Let me help you,” I say softly. “I’m asking. I know it’ll be hard, but… Ugh!”

I fling my arms around his neck and bury my face into his chest, throwing us both off-balance. Aiden catches me and steadies us out.

“Jamie?” I feel the rumble of his voice against my cheek.

I squeeze my eyes shut, then let everything I want to say burst out.

“I’m sorry. I honestly can’t look at you while I say this. Shit is too hard. I’m not good at this, okay? But - what I’m trying to fucking say is - I meant it, when I told you that I see you whole. I want the whole thing. All of you, and everything you come with. I’m not going to let you go on thinking that you have to do everything by yourself. I’m right here. I want to be with you, I want to help, and I don’t want you to think that I’m resigning myself to it. That’s not how I see it, not at all. I - I think that this is the beginning of something beautiful. So, I’m in. Okay?”

I can’t see Aiden’s face, but I can feel the thumping of his heartbeat against me, picking up speed with every word that I say. There’s a moment of breathless silence, during which I feel like the world’s biggest fucking cornball, but. At least it’s all out there, now.

Aiden’s hands slide from my hips to lock around my back. He pushes his nose into my hair and squeezes me tightly.

I finally open my eyes. Blink around at my apartment.

“Um, Aiden? You’re making everything float, again.”

Like, everything. Last time all of the furniture stayed down, but this time, not so. Even my couch is hovering an inch or two off of the ground. Bookshelves and picture frames and Xbox controllers and my coffee maker - everything I own has been briefly untethered from gravity. My apartment resembles one of those NASA live streams that my dad likes to watch.

“Can’t help it,” Aiden mumbles into my hair. “Sorry.”

“No, it - it’s okay.” I let out a stupid little laugh, smiling against his chest. “Does this mean that you’re ready to stop arguing with me about it?”

Aiden loosens his grip on me, pulls back, and takes my chin in his fingers. Tips my face up to his, and leans down to kiss me. Sweet, lingering, slow. There’s something different about it this time, something that knocks my air right out of my lungs. I think he feels it, too, because when we break apart, we stare at each other, wide-eyed, both a little staggered - and then grin like idiots.

“And you’re sure-?”

“Aiden!” I grab his face in my hands. “Stop it!”

“I’m just-”

“No! No more! Enough, you fucking idiot! Just be quiet and accept it, cause it’s happening!”

He’s finally back to wearing that warm smile, and his eyes are like the weather outside: a sunshower. Bright, shining, but also a little wet. He traces a thumb over my cheek, then laughs softly.

“Jesus Christ,” he murmurs. “I keep waiting to wake the fuck up, man.”

My heart lifts, floating like everything else in my apartment.

“Now can we please never talk about anything serious ever again?” I ask, spreading my hands on his chest.

“Hate to break it to you, but that’s probably unavoidable.”

“Fine. But next time I get to wear my sunglasses.”

Aiden shakes his head, grinning.

“Stupid ass,” he says.

“Jerk face!”

He puts a kiss on my nose. “Moron.”

I wind my hands through his hair, and he smiles, leaning in close again.

Someone pounds on my door. Aiden and I both freeze as a shout comes from the hallway.

“Jamie!”

I twist to look at the door, confused. Aiden straightens up and cocks an eyebrow at me.

“Noah?” I call back.

“Duh, who else? Open up, dude!”

I look around at the sea of floating stuff that is my apartment right now.

“Shit!” I whisper, turning back to Aiden. “Can you-?”

He closes his eyes, focusing. There’s a moment of stillness, and then everything drifts down to settle on its nearest surface. The couch, unfortunately, makes an extremely loud thump. Aiden cringes.

“What the fuck was that sound?” Noah calls. “Is Aiden in there? Tell him to put his clothes on and open the door!”

Aiden crosses to the door, turning to roll his eyes at me over his shoulder. I can only smile at him.

It feels stupid good to have him back.

~~~~

It turns out that both Noah and Raj are here.

“My clothes were already on, dumbass,” Aiden mutters, shutting the door after them.

“Oh, see, dude?” Noah says to Raj. “Look at this. They clearly worked their shit out, just like I said they would.”

I try to scowl, but I can’t force the smile off of my face. Aiden appears to be having the same problem.

“Aww!” Raj grins at Noah, who returns it immediately. “My boy came through with the bomb advice!”

“Okay, okay!” I cut in, my cheeks burning again. “What are you two doing here?”

“Check this out, Noah had a great idea.” Raj holds up his phone. “We’re gonna make a video for the baby! Like a little pre-birth message, for the kid to watch someday. Especially since I’ll probably die by electrocution before that kid even gets here, with this guy running my wires.”

“You would have died by electrocution if I hadn’t run your wires,” Noah answers, but he’s grinning. He looks back to me and points at Raj’s phone. “So, I was gonna film it, but apparently my videography skills aren’t up to par.”

“I don’t know what the fuck he was doing,” Raj tells me. “But somehow I looked like a monster. Can you do it, instead?”

“Film your baby video?” I ask, surprised.

“Do you mind?” Raj offers me his phone. “I just remember Aiden saying that you take really good pictures.”

“Oh, did he?” I turn to Aiden, smirking. He blushes, shrugs. “I mean - okay. Yeah. Gimme that.” I take Raj’s phone and open up the camera. “You want to do a practice take, first?”

“Oh, that’s a good idea. Okay.” Raj stands straighter and fidgets his fingers, suddenly nervous. I hold up the phone, focus the camera.

“Ready? Three - two - one-”

“Hello, baby,” he begins, rather solemnly. “It’s me, Rajiv. Your father.”

I stop and lower the phone.

“Um - feels a bit - formal? Like - the baby will know your name already, man.”

“Fuck!” Raj shouts. “Can we start over? Stop laughing, Noah!”

Noah presses a tattooed hand over his mouth, his grin so wide that it’s dimpling his cheeks. I stop the recording.

“Ready, Raj?” I ask. “Take two. You’re fine, calm down. We can do as many as you want.”

“Right, right. Just tell me when you’re going to start.”

“Alright - here we go-”

Raj clears his throat and tries again.

“Hello, my son or daughter. Or - they could be nonbinary, couldn’t they? Hello, my... child? Wait, that sounds weird. Shit! Start over, Jamie!”

“Why?” I ask, grinning just as big as Noah. “This take seems pretty much perfect to me, at least so far.”

Now both Noah and Aiden are trying not to laugh.

“Noah,” Raj groans. “Help me.”

“The fuck do you want me to do?”

“Come here, be in this with me,” Raj answers, reaching for him.

Noah blinks.

“What - no, man. Come on, this is for your baby-”

Raj seizes Noah by the wrist, dragging him into view of the phone’s camera.

“Check this out, forthcoming baby!” he says, pointing at Noah. “This guy, he’s your dad’s good friend, and he’s helping me put your room together. Couldn’t have done it without him. We’re both so damn excited to meet you!”

Noah’s cheeks are suddenly pink.

“Dude-” he begins, trying to pull away, but Raj holds him firmly in place and continues.

“He’s also been teaching your dad some words in French! Like... une chouette. Which means cool.”

“Chouette means cool,” Noah laughs, his pronunciation making Raj’s sound clunky by comparison. “Une chouette means an owl. Are you still recording, Jamie?”

“Of course I am. This is the best take we’re going to get, hands down.”

“Okay, no, come on.” Noah detangles himself from Raj. “We have to start over.”

“You two think about what you want to say,” Aiden tells them, as I stop the recording again. “I'm gonna head out.”

I walk him to the door as Noah and Raj begin debating opening lines. Wait while he pulls his shoes on.

“You have to leave? Is everything alright?”

“Everything is way better than alright.” Aiden straightens up and touches a finger to my jaw. “I just need some time to process everything we talked about.” He pauses. “Is that okay?”

Right. Aiden likes to be alone, when he needs to think. I will never understand that, but. He gave me what I needed last night, and I can give him what he needs today.

“Sure, that’s okay.” I lean up to give him a quick kiss, and he catches the side of my face in his hand. “But you better call me later. And we’re not going to talk about anything serious.”

“Deal,” he answers, and ruffles my hair before he goes.