[Some old thing I made for a story I meant to write titled "Helena the Dragon" it has never been released and I'm not sure if I'll ever pick it back up, so here's something from the perspective of the main character, Helena Elizabeth Cornelia Jewel Idris Jezelia Hayton the Third]

In regards to our Gods, I have always wondered if they are really there. Are our Gods there of our own free will? Will they truly protect us as we think they will? As they claim they will? What if there is something out in the universe that is stronger than them? What do they protect us from? Honestly, hasn’t anyone else ever thought of the possibility of something other than our Gods or Titans out in the universe? What if there is something more powerful than our own deities?

Every day of my life up until I was around the age of fourteen, I was told that there was a flaw to me that made me different from everyone else. Though, this has always had me thinking. Isn’t there any flaw to our Gods? There are most certainly flaws with us, so what about them? Everyone is said to have their own special flaws that make them different from everyone else, so what about the Gods? What makes them different from us?

My mother used to push me very hard until I was around the age of ten. I had come home late and she was furious. All I had wanted was to make friends, which I clearly said to her, I wasn’t able to hear her response to my outburst that day, but the next day, she was so very nice to me and I did not know why. Every day after that, she was unspeakably nice to me, she never raised her voice, she always carried the same kind smile on her face wherever she went. Everyone commented on her sudden change, as though something else had taken over her body. I knew the reason she changed, though. She changed to please me, she loved me more than anything and she did not want to see me become broken as she had. She put up this facade for years just for me. That is what I believe a true mother should do for their daughter. Then came the day that she died.

On the day that my mother died, I called out to the Gods for the last time of my life, I questioned why they allowed my mother to die. The kindest woman I had ever met, why would they take her from me? Just to satisfy their own greed, perhaps? I was unsure. But, this had gotten me thinking. Do we ever truly know our Gods? We are told from a young age that the God of the Sky protects us from harm, while the God of the Sea brings about the tides to protect us from what lurks below. Though, I have always wondered, who protects the Gods? It most certainly is not us. If the Gods truly protect us, there is no way that the protected could protect the protectors.

This has me thinking of one of my old friends. She always claimed that she would marry rich, and I believed her. Though, after a while, she asked if I would marry her. I was unsure of what to do, our Gods would forbid it, but what if they could not see? Through our half-kiss half-gasping for breath, we promised to always love each other, ‘til death do us part. She was always with me, even through my roughest of times. I loved her, and she loved me. There was a time when I wanted to become so strong I could give the Gods a piece of my mind and teach them what it truly means to be human. Though I gave up on this and wanted to become stronger to protect her, she was the most important part of my life and I couldn’t live without her. Or, so I thought. One day, I was assigned to become the High Knight of a kingdom, a kingdom ruled by King Nicolas The Second. I gratefully accepted, though, I had to leave her behind. It saddened me greatly, but she promised to wait for my return. So, I believed her, as I always have. Lovers should always believe each other. I believed her more than I did my own mother. That is not necessarily true love, however. True love is not knowing everything about your partner. True love is not giving everything of yours to your partner. True love is loving someone earnestly and truly regardless of what they might become.

At one point, I did decide to at least attempt to pray to a deity, to no avail. That deity would not be able to help me contact the Gods, they would not help me gain the approval to marry her. That deity has no power. I do not believe any deity truly has any power. They are but placebos, they have the power that we assign to them. Or perhaps, they just do not exist and that’s why they have no power.

To be completely honest, I have written this because I don’t believe that the Gods have power over me, I do not think they have power over her, and I don’t think they have power over you. Part of being human is being separate from your Gods. Being human is having a sense of individuality. I know this, she knows this, it is time that you knew this.

I do recall one instance when she asked me to marry her, she asked multiple times and did not falter once. That was when I knew it was true love. She loved me enough to propose not once, not twice, but five times. One day, I remember it as though it were yesterday. We were on our backs, looking at the sky in the garden. She asked me, “Hey, will you marry me?” I said, “Of course, I said yes to you, after all. Besides, we have known each other so long” She replied, “Pretend that we had not met, pretend that you did not know me, Will you marry me?” I had thought about this for a long time. I wondered what had drawn me to her. This single encounter was one of my best memories of her. I didn’t get to tell her, “Yes, of course, I would marry you. I love you, and I will love you throughout all of time, even when we are reborn.” I smiled at her, and she smiled back, “Even if the world turned against you and told lies about you, I would still love you” She said. I really did love her, honestly.

Enough with my past, though. I have started writing this because I know that my time is going to be limited here, I will definitely disappear soon. The other me, she is such a bright child, and I truly want to keep her safe, but I am not sure if I can anymore. It breaks my heart to see her in pain. Adorable is all the words I have to say about her. She is always in my head, literally and figuratively.

Recently I was reminded of the old story of the man who tried desperately to have a son, he tried and tried, but he and his wife had a daughter. In his anger, he killed the infant and framed it as an accident which was the fault of the infant. So, he and his wife tried again for a child, this time it was a boy, as he wanted, but, this boy was not into boyish things, he was instead obsessed with girlish things and his biggest dream was to be a princess. The man was convinced that he was cursed to never have the perfect child and committed suicide. It taught us the lesson of how we cannot take what we have for granted.

I have always thought that the Gods probably relate to this story as well. They are probably so disappointed at us but have learned better as to try and get rid of us, or they may just make something even worse than us by mistake. Though, if they are truly all-powerful, would they not be able to make us perfect? Would they not be able to remove all flaws from us? These are questions I have always thought of.

I always wondered why the Gods allowed us to have horrible memories. Do they enjoy showing us these bad things? Do they want us to feel things that they themselves have suffered? Or maybe they do not have the power to stop the bad things from consuming us and shaking every fiber of our body. I had always thought that the Gods would not allow me to feel true suffering, but, now I know that they truly do not care what happens to any of us. It solidified my belief that there were no Gods in the Heavens and that our preconceived notions of said Gods were false.

I had not truly felt pain until I had to leave my hometown. Though, it ended up being one of the best times of my life. I loved exploring the land, I actually loved the feeling of freedom. If you love your freedom, just think of what everyone sacrificed for it. This is not to have you go into a guilt trip. I have thought about everything my family gave for me so that I could be free, and I learned from it. I nurtured the thought of my family sacrificing themselves for me. I do not let it cripple me, I let that be my strength and my reason for living. I have no regrets.

Thank you for reading this, even if it is a bit disorganized and random. Goodbye now.

Helena Elizabeth Cornelia Jewel Idris Jezelia Hayton The Third