The sun shining through the blinds stirred me from my sleep. Like a child, I groaned loudly as I rolled over. I fought against the urge to kick the bed - to throw a tantrum as nature woke me from the dead.

I glanced towards the alarm clock, noting the time.

Not even nine.

With another groan, I rolled out of bed. My body ached, my lower back especially so, as I stretched to work out the kinks in my body.

Sliding my clothes on from the previous day, I made my way towards the kitchen.

The house was quiet, a simple note laying on the kitchen table.

Gray,

I just went out with a few of my friends to the Home Show downtown

I'll be home around 3

Food is in the fridge if... when you get hungry

Love Mom

With a coffee in hand I wandered towards the rear of the house, glancing across the backyard as I took a sip.

The weather outside was more like that of late fall instead of early spring. Gray clouds high above appeared ominous - threatening a torrential downpour even as the wind howled, shaking the very foundations of the house.

"Please behave for a few hours," I mumbled softly towards the sky, my mind on the chores I had planned for the morning.

With a dose of caffeine entering my system, alertness returning, I turned my attention to breakfast.

Rummaging through the cupboards, I found a half-opened bag of quick oats along with peanut butter and a tin of Hershey's cocoa.

Starting the kettle, I began loading the ingredients into a bowl.

With my breakfast in hand, the smells of chocolate and peanut butter sending my stomach to growling, I settled at the kitchen table.

As I ate I used my phone to peruse the area; noting all the new stores that had popped up along Golf Links Road during my time away. I was relieved to note that there was both a Mark's as well as a Sportchek still within the plaza.

I smiled as I noted the Tim Hortons in the plaza as well.

'How long had it been since I had a Timmies' coffee?' I thought, remembering the makeshift one that had been erected near the FOB in Afghanistan. The coffee had always been weak, yet the smells had never failed to remind me of Canada and home.

With breakfast complete - bowl rinsed and put in the dishwasher - I turned my attention towards getting cleaned up.

Standing in the bathroom; the reflection that met me appeared haunted, tired.

I couldn't come to grips with the man I found myself staring back at. I no longer recognized who I was - who I had become. My eyes frightened me; the icy blue depths were like that of a layer of ice above an ocean. Untold black depths swirled beneath their cool exterior - only hinting at the monsters that lurked below.

They were eyes that had seen too much. Far too much.

Turning away from the mirror - away from myself - I grabbed the beard trimmer that my mother had thoughtfully left out.

It was old, likely my father's before he had passed away suddenly during my youth. Why my mother had kept it was beyond me. Perhaps for no other reason than to remind herself of the man she had loved. A relic of a better time.

"I'm hoping you didn't use this for your pubes, Pops." I muttered softly, a faint buzzing filling the room as I turned it on.

Without another thought, I went to work on tidying up my appearance.

---

The Tim Hortons was packed as I pulled open the door; the proximity of both the University and shopping centers being all too apparent.

Instinctively I scanned the crowd; noting my proximity to exits. I smiled softly as I realized the unconscious act ingrained in me.

The majority of the customers were elderly, large groups of older men conversing loudly about both politics and sports. I imagined they were the daily regulars - using a coffee as an excuse to shoot the shit with their friends and to escape their wives.

A few tables held college aged kids, laptops in front of them blatantly ignored as they chatted amongst themselves with warm beverages in hand.

"What can I get for you?" The server asked cheerfully as I quickly scanned the menu laid out above.

"Just a large coffee, please. Three milk, three sweeteners."

"Gray?"

The sound of my name being called, albeit hesitantly, had me turning instantly.

My gaze roamed across one of the college-aged women I had noticed seated in the corner as I had entered.

Up close I could appreciate her beauty for what it truly was.

Her chestnut hair hung in thick waves, framing her face as it hung to just below her shoulders. Thin eyebrows, nearly black, were knit together as she stared back at me unflinching. Her ruler straight nose led to a slight ski jump - angling upwards. With her high cheekbones, and a beautifully sculpted face, I found the first stirrings of interest.

Yet it was her eyes that drew me in - held me captive. The pale green depths of her irises seemed to pierce right through me as I felt myself unable to look away. Striations of pale amber swirled within their depths, the halogen lights of the restaurant reflected like stars - adding personality.

I knew those eyes.

"Hayden?" I asked softly, voice trembling.

Her slight nod, a sad smile, confirmed my suspicions.

"Home for all of a day and you've already managed to step in shit.' I castigated myself, suddenly wary.

I didn't know what to expect as she took a tentative step towards me - indecision and hesitation at war within her gaze.

Here was the man responsible for her brother's death in the flesh.

Would she scream at me?

Would she strike me?

Turn and flee, tears soaking her cheeks?

Instead she surprised me, closing the distance between us in a heartbeat before throwing her arms around me. I felt her hands clutching at my back desperately, pulling herself tight against me.

Not knowing what else to do; I stroked her back softly as I held her against me.

Her hair tickled my nose; the subtle scent of peaches and cream teasing me.

I could feel the attention of those around us shift towards us, hushed words and pointing. Glancing towards where her friends sat I noticed them talking amongst themselves quietly - no doubt wondering if they should wander over to see if she was alright.

With a gentleness I didn't know still existed within me, I carefully extracted myself from her embrace. Hands upon her upper arms held her, waiting as her gaze slowly swung up towards me.

Her eyes were red, the pink tinge of her cheeks making her appear even younger.

I figured her to be around twenty-one or twenty-two - mentally kicking myself for not remembering her age.

As her eyes met my own, I said the only thing that I could think of, "You grew up!"

Wiping her tears away, she offered me a wane smile. "Crazy what ten years does to a girl."

She didn't offer me a chance to respond, asking, "Will you sit with me?"

The hopeful tone in her voice was unmistakable, nor was the pleading within her eyes.

I found myself not wanting to say no.

Not trusting myself to speak, I merely nodded as I gave her a small smile of my own.

I turned to grab the coffee that had been left on the counter for me before she took my hand in her own.

As if I were some child prone to wander away she led me towards the table I had seen her at earlier.

I could see the curious expressions in her friends' faces, eyes darting back and forth between both Hayden and I as well as to where she held my hand locked in her own.

I was just as confused as her friends were. Hayden's reaction wasn't something I had anticipated.

I felt disoriented.

Following Hayden, I slid into the booth beside her as she released my hand.

"This is Gray," Hayden went about introducing me. "He served in the army with my brother, Dalton."

The trio of girls nodded, offering me smiles. One even gave me an awkward wave before lowering her hand just as quick.

"This is Amanda, Jenny, and Traci." Hayden continued, rattling each name off with a point of a dainty finger.

Not offering her friends a chance to say hi, she turned to level her piercing eyes upon me.

The intensity of her gaze nearly made me gulp.

"When did you get back?"

"Just yesterday," I was quick to answer.

Her eyes narrowed, "Have you seen your mom?"

"Yes."

Hayden sighed softly, her eyes losing the hard edge that had turned their depths flinty. "Whew. I thought I was going to have to slap you."

And I would have let you.

I didn't know what to say. My tongue suddenly felt leaden in my mouth - all the words I wanted to say, was hoping to say, eluded me.

Guilt ate away at me - like a ball of hot lead it sat in the pit of my stomach, an ache radiating outwards.

"How long are you back for?"

I took a sip of my coffee, letting the warmth of it chase away the lingering chill from outside.

"For good."

Her eyes widened slightly. "You mean?"

Nodding, "Yes." I answered her unspoken question. "I'm retired."

"A little young to be retired." Jenny muttered softly, her lips curving slightly upwards as I turned to regard her.

"It was a medical retirement." I said coolly.

Her face instantly paled, appearing to shrink in on herself in response to my retort.

"Medically?" Hayden asked, directing my attention back towards her. "Where?"

Her piercing gaze swept across me - looking for the damaged parts my comment only hinted at. I watched as her eyes lingered on my legs, pearly white teeth appearing as she nibbled on her bottom lip.

Wryly I wondered if she would try to pull on one of my legs to satisfy her curiosity - to see if I was wearing a prosthetic.

"Nothing much...on the outside at least," I answered softly.

I saw understanding dawn in her eyes.

I felt myself flinch as she raised her hand towards me, my body reacting instinctively. Her eyes narrowed at my response - fingers trembling slightly only inches from my face.

Her eyes darted back and forth between mine. Whatever she saw gave credence to her actions - her hand moving towards me once more.

Her fingers stroked along the jagged scar that split my eyebrow - tracing the length of it down towards just below my nose.

"What happened to you?" She whispered softly, more so to herself than to me.

I couldn't feel her touch, something that unsettled me deeply for reasons I couldn't explain. The nerve endings had long since been severed, the blade having bit deep into the tender flesh of my face.

Taking her hand in mine - suddenly feeling self conscious - I lowered it from my face to simply hold it upon the table.

Hayden didn't pull her hand from mine, instead offering it a gentle squeeze.

I was distracted as Hayden's friends began packing up their books and laptops - empty coffee cups discarded in the trash bin.

Feelings I didn't understand, didn't know, overtook me at the thought of Hayden leaving.

I was forlorn at the prospect of losing a chance to reconnect.

Here was my best friend's sister - a man who had been a brother to me. For nearly a decade we had sweat and bled together. As an endless war raged around us the bond between us only grew - the fires of battle tempering it further.

I longed to share the memories of the man with her. For her to know he had been the best of us.

A glimmer of gold amongst all the mud and filth.

"Hayden," The girl named Amanda said. Waiting until Hayden turned away from me, she continued, "Class starts in ten. You coming?"

Hayden shook her head no, thick brown locks shaking to and fro.

"You girls go on ahead," She answered as her gaze swung back towards me. "I'm going to stay with Gray and catch up."

I noted how she didn't ask me.