Jason didn’t respond. I didn’t blame him; how would you respond if someone said what I did?

“What do you think Alleata’s gonna ask me to wear?” I ask, desperate to change the subject. Jason shrugs, pulling his blanket off of his body.

“She just made a new dress,” Jason answers. “If I had to guess, she’ll probably ask you to wear that. She hasn’t seen anyone wear it yet besides a mannequin.”

“What’s the dress like?”

Jason shakes his head, quickly checking his phone. “She doesn’t like telling people what her clothes look like ahead of time. Other people would try to use that information and steal it.”

“That’s fair.”

We fall into an awkward silence, neither of us sure what we should say.

“Astrapophobia,” Jason says suddenly. I nod, looking at the weighted blanket. “It’s the fear of thunder and lightning.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, how long?”

Jason shrugs, looking around the room. “About eight years, I guess. I can’t quite remember why I have it, but I have it.”

“You don’t remember?” I sit up a little straighter. “At all?”

“I don’t remember anything, no,” Jason replies. “But I feel like I do. You know when there’s a word that you can’t remember, but it’s on the tip of your tongue? That’s how it is. It’s right there. I can feel it, but I can’t- I can’t see it. And it frustrates the hell out of me.”

“And you haven’t tried to remember?”

Jason lets out a bitter laugh. “Have I tried? Of fucking course I have. I just- I can’t remember. No one’s been able to help me remember. I had a therapist for a while, and then Dad decided that he didn’t need his son going to a crackpot and pulled me out of therapy.” Jason scoots back and leans against the wall, looking up at the ceiling. “The funny thing is, I was getting better. I could deal with thunderstorms for a longer duration without getting an attack. Now, it’s the first crack or first strike that gives me an attack. I got worse. It wasn’t this bad when I first got it.”

“What if you asked your mom to take you to a therapist without telling your dad?”

Jason opens his mouth to say something, then closes it and blinks a few times.

“I could probably do that,” he murmurs. “Dad never pays attention to me anyways. He won’t notice if I’m missing once or twice a week.”

“That- that doesn't sound like a healthy relationship."

"It isn't, but there's nothing I can do about it. That's how our relationship has always been." Jason closes his eyes and a ghost of a smile appears on his face. "It won't change. It'll be like this until the day one of us dies.”

“I know we just met today, but I think you should talk to your dad about this.” I lean forward and rest my arms on my legs, my fingers laced together. “Not your phobia, but your relationship.”

“Who’re you to tell me what I should do?” Jason spits, leaning forward and glaring into my eyes. “Like you said, we just met today. We’re not friends.”

What’s with the sudden attitude flip?

“Jason, I’m not trying to control your life, I’m just suggesting-”

“Fuck off.”

I stand up and brush my hair behind my ear, turning as I do.

“See you around, Jason,” I say, walking out of the room. I manage to take three steps before breaking into a sprint.

This is what happens when you trust people. They only let you down.

“Woah, Xael!” Two hands grab my shoulders, preventing me from running into the person. “Where’s the fire, girl?”

“Sorry,” I whisper, looking down at the ground, knowing that Jonny’ll be able to see right through any lie I try to tell.

“Weren’t you with Jason?” Jonny asks. I nod, and he pats my shoulders before letting go of me. “Sophie’s upstairs. Want to go hang out with her?”

“Actually, where’s Lukas?” My voice cracks when I say Lukas’ name, and I mentally curse myself.

“Lukas is still manning the gate.” Jonny tilts my head up, and I nearly start crying as we make eye contact. “Should I call him? Or should I call Sarah?”

“Thanks, Jonny, but I want to go speak with Lukas about something.”

Jonny takes a step back silently. I jog around him then up a set of stairs, biting my lower lip to try and keep myself from crying.

“Lukas!” I call, stopping in front of a cherry wood door and knocking once. When he doesn’t answer right away, my mind reels and I think over what I’m doing. “Actually, I’m okay. Sorry to interrupt you at work.”

“Stop right there young lady!” Lukas’ booming voice makes me jump. I look up at Lukas and watch his grin fall away from his face as he steps rapidly towards me. “What happened?”

Tears threaten to spill from my eyes as Lukas’ arms slide around my shoulders, holding me against his chest.

“I don’t know,” I murmur, my hands in fists at my sides. “I don’t know.”

Lukas lets go of me and opens the door to where the gate control is, then presses a hand against the small of my back and ushers me inside.

“You were with Jason, right?” Lukas asks. I nod, looking down at the floor.

“I’m sorry about this,” I whisper, rubbing my eyes. “If you don’t mind, I’ll be on my way now.”

“You aren’t leaving this room until you’re not about to cry,” Lukas orders. “Take a seat, hon.”

“You’re at work right now,” I state, letting my stubbornness take over. “You should be doing your job, not cheering me up. I’ll be fine.”

“Xael-”

“I promise I’ll be fine.” I look up into Lukas’ eyes, blinking away my tears.

“Sophie’s chilling in the staff break room.” Lukas sits down in his rolling chair and spins around slowly, staring up at the ceiling. “Why don’t you go talk with her?”

I nod, even though I have no intention on going to Sophie.

“I’ll see you at dinner,” I say, turning and walking out of the room. Once I hear the door close behind me I’m off like a bullet, up two flights off stairs while pulling a pen out of my pocket.

I won’t do it. I’m not going to stoop that low.

I open the door to a random room and Jason whips his head up to look at me, a razor in between his fingers. Without thinking I’m across the room and the razor blade is on the floor in the opposite corner.

“This is why you made me leave,” I say, grabbing a random piece of cloth from the shelf behind Jason’s head and pressing it against his shoulder. Jason nods, looking towards the door. “Why do you do this to yourself?”

Jason shrugs, pressing his lips together into a thin white line.

“Not in the mood for talking. Got it. Hold this against your shoulder.”

Jason reaches a hand up and presses it against the cloth as I retract my hand, already scanning the room for hiding places.

“Where are your other razor blades?” I demand, looking directly at Jason. He looks at me and shrugs. “I don’t give a shit how untalkative you feel right now, you’re gonna tell me where they are.”

Jason’s eyes dart from me to a space behind me, then back to me. I grin triumphantly before turning around and walking over to a shelf that contains some boxes and some pieces of rolled up cloth.

“Which shelf are they on?” I muse. He doesn’t want anyone to find them, so they aren’t on a shelf at eye level. That knocks out these three, which leaves the top one and the bottom one. People are more likely to put things they need to use often towards the bottom, which means that they’re somewhere up top.

“You’re not gonna find them.” Jason’s voice is hoarse. I look over at him only to see that the cloth is discarded on the ground, blood dripping down his arm.

“I will though.” I turn around and drag a wood box over to the shelf, stepping on it once it’s close enough. “They’re either in these two boxes or in this piece of cloth.”

“They’re not in the cloth or the boxes.”

I grab the cloth and unwrap it, satisfied when four razor blades drop onto the shelf.

“Never gonna find them,” I mutter, wrapping the blades back up and tucking them into my pocket. “Simple psychology tricks. This is what you learn when you have no friends and no social life.”

“Give them back.” My back is pressed against the wall and Jason’s body is dangerously close to mine. His eyes bore into mine and my breathing hitches.

“You don’t get them back!” I spit, putting a hand on his chest and pushing him away from me, silently catching my breath. “You don’t get them back, Jason. I either keep them, or you take them back and I’m telling Lukas, Cray, Jonny, and Sarah.”

“You wouldn’t dare-”

“Try me!”

We glare into each other’s eyes in silence. Jason seems to ponder my words before stepping back and nodding.

“We’re going to Sarah’s office though,” I state, marching past Jason and opening the door.

“You said that you wouldn’t tell-”

“I’m not going to tell her, we’re going to dress your wounds.”