It was well into the night, I was aware of that much. The small window positioned above my bed was just a tiny rectangle and during the day allowed a bit of light to beam, was now dark with the night sky. I hadn’t moved, I hadn’t shifted, hadn’t tried to tend to the gashes along my back.
The pain had been refreshing, it took away the need to escape, I had deserved the punishment. I probably deserved more.
In the basement, the only noise came from the drippy fought. The only sounds that I could hear from upstairs, were Pierce’s footsteps as he moved overhead. My wolf craved the Cat's presence. The need to be accepted and forgiven, all to strong for him and his wanting helped me maintain my position. The smell of food had filled the house earlier into the night but I had known food wouldn’t me be brought to me. I didn’t deserve it.
The conversation with Pierce from that morning still filled my thoughts. I had questions that now, may never be answered. Taking a deep breath, I resisted the urge to fidget. My legs had grown numb and I was extremely uncomfortable.
I closed my eyes and tried to allow my thoughts to wander to better places. it wasn’t the first time I had been in a similar position, but I had been chained to the wall and could sleep. This time was different.
It was my emotions that shackled me to this spot my desire to be accepted and forgiven. I had no holds on my wrists, no support.
My thoughts drifted from my predicament to my old pack. I was searching my memory for happier times. When I was left extra food on plates, or when the battle instructors didn’t allow the pups to hit me more than necessary. I was shown kindness from the pack on so many occasions. Would I really believe everything Pierce said? Would I believe Kain? Would I believe my Alpha? Was he truly that kind of wolf to have killed his mate in favor of me? I scoffed at the notion but my wolf felt differently. He saw my memories, my past became his present as I thought of all my encounters with Alpha.
There were no red flags to me, but my wolf growled at my naive self. Alpha used to pat me on my head and call me a good boy. He treated me nicely and only punished me when it was truly needed. There were only a few times when he did it out of anger, but he would pat my head afterward. I was useful at those times.
My wolf growled lower, I was annoying him, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to believe that I was groomed, that I had been brought to the pack for things that I couldn’t even fully comprehend.
Kains distraught face flashed into my mind and I felt my chest painfully tighten. He had looked so powerful the first time I had seen him. His very aura gave off such dominance, but the last time I saw him, that moment after the punishment, his howl. All of it crushed my wolf and my soul.
If I had stayed, would I have been his second chance? If I had been able to speak, would things be different? If I had begged for his forgiveness, promised to never think of Alpha again, would today be different?
Frustration was starting to build up within me.
Just as I was about to allow myself to feel the rage that was building at my core from everything that has happened, I heard the door open. I didn’t move, didn’t flinch, barely breathed. I felt his presence, smelt his unique scent, my wolf rolled, I braced myself.
“Have you stood in that place this entire time?” His voice was barely a whisper. I didn’t nod, unsure if he truly wanted a response from me. Hands gently grasped my shoulders, involuntarily my body flinched. The remembrance of just hours before those hands used a whip to slash my back ran through my mind. I had wanted it, but my body refused to acknowledge the need I had felt, the wanting I had for the punishment. It refused to feel the same things my mind desperately felt, I was at a disconnect, with not just my wolf but my very being. The slip was starting, I knew it was, or maybe it had been starting from the moment I met my wolf and didn’t have the chance to connect with him.
“Toby, hey lay down.” Those hands, carefully guided me to the bed, slowly ensuring I lay on my stomach, unaware of the internal struggle I was having. Unaware of the very real possibility that I could become feral. My wolf snapped at me, denying what I felt was going to happen. He seemed to sure that it wouldn’t, but the disconnect was very real, very scary. I kept my eyes closed, refusing to look into the green eyes that seemed to bring me too much peace, eyes that gave me slight hope for a better tomorrow. I knew it was absurd, pointless. I was branded, I was simply lucky that Pierce seemed to have an agenda with me for the moment, but once he was done with me I would be useless to him and back into the wilderness I would go.
Pierce moved above me. I wasn’t sure where he disappeared to, but he was back within seconds. Rough hands silently traced each lash that marred my back, and then back again but the second time with some sort of suave that held a very strong unpleasant odor. My nose scrunched in distaste. I didn’t like it. “It doesn’t smell that bad, man up. You dogs smell worse.” His voice wasn’t harsh, even his slight insult held no malice.
“I’m not sorry.” I didn’t think he would be sorry, nor did he have a reason to be. “But I don’t want to do it again, so don’t try to leave. ” He whispered the last part. My heart swelled at the words, they were words I desperately needed to hear and I was thankful for them. I knew his meaning wasn’t the same as what I wanted them to be but for the moment, I would allow myself I pretend. Slowly I opened my eyes and looked at the male beside me. He was dressed in a large sweatshirt and sweats, his hair pulled back into a top knot. His eyes were hard-set as they worked over my exposed back, his hands finishing up. He truly was a handsome Cat.
“I’ll bring you some soup, then tomorrow we will continue our conversation.” I gave a short nod. I wasn’t sure if I was happy to continue or if I was scared of what his answers would be to my questions. I didn’t know if I was ready to find out.
Pierce reached toward the ground and pulled up what looked like bandages. “They’re a little deep so wrapping them will help you sleep better. Your body is still too malnourished to heal at a normal rate though.” His face looked a little troubled as his eyes did a double-take over my naked body. “You really need to eat more.” With those words, he stood and walked back up the stairs and returned with a small bowl of soup.
My eyes were heavy, and as much as my stomach growled in hungry, my eyes were just too weighted to hold open. “Aye, mutt, don’t fall asleep, you need to eat a few bites.” Listening, and not wanting to disobey, I struggled to sit up, wincing in pain at the pull of my skin with the movement. Pierce reached out to steady me in a sitting position and then handed me the bowl. I accepted it with shaky hands. Slowly I ate small bites. The soup was delicious, like that morning I was blown away by the food. My hair fell forward and before I had a chance to move it, a hand reached out and tucked the lock behind my ear. “Don’t let your hair get into your food.” I froze, his voice was close and as I glanced my eyes up from my food I was met with those familiar green ones. Pierce was too close, just a hair's breath away. His eyes bore into mine and I noticed his nostrils flaring slightly. “Fuck, you smell good.” Closing his eyes Pierce slowly shuffled himself a little closer, his knees resting on the sides of my thighs and his face moving toward my neck.
I didn’t move, I just stared at the wall in front of me. I wasn’t sure what he was doing, but I could feel my heart hammering against my chest. His scent surrounded me, fresh, clean, woodsy? comforting. His scent was addicting, my wolf loved it, felt secure, but my mind was reeling. I wasn’t sure what was going on.
“Calm down.” His voice was soft, soothing. “I’m just smelling.” He spoke as if what he was doing was common, but for me, it was a new uncharted territory. The wolves had gotten close a few times, but in this situation, it felt too intense.
Letting out a little chuckle, Pierce slowly moved back until we were eye to eye once more. “Omegas naturally have a soothing scent, it helps the pack in times of great stress.” My head tilted to the side, did all shifters and were’s know so much about Omegas? As if sensing my thoughts he continued. “It’s always a smart thing to know as much as possible about the enemy's weak spots.” My eyes widened. Omegas were a weak spot within a pack?
Chuckling softly Pierce extracted himself and ruffled my hair gently. “Finish up and go to sleep, it’s already 3 in the morning.” With one last look at me, he retreated back up the steps, making sure he loudly locked the door.
Diligently, I finished off the soup and set it on the small stand near the bed before laying stomach first back on top of the blankets, my back hurting too much to bother covering myself up. Crossing my arms I rested my head on top of them and closed my eyes too tired to bother with my thoughts I allowed dreams to sweep me away, hoping the terrors that the night brings stay away.
••••
Howls.
The echoing of deep howls filled the darkened sky. Mournful in their song, chilling to the core. Screams, loud shrilling screams sounded behind the sad song.
Cries.
Desperate pleas of mercy, begging for another chance, just one more moment, more time. Cries of solitude, of helplessness.
Screams.
Registration in the voice. Strained and hoarse. Anger, resentment filled the voice, strength in its powerful vengeance.
Silence.
The understanding that he’ll come too late. That no one is there to aid. Fruitless efforts were the howls, the cries, and the screams.
“It’s okay to let me go!” her strangled voice finally called out. A desperation weeded within her words, trying to make him hear. “You’ll be fine, you will be happy, find happiness.”
“I need you!” A choked reply, the heart-aching response. The unwillingness to let go.
“I should have gone with you.”
“I should have stayed by your side!”
“Why did I listen to you, I should have been there. I should have protected you, I should have saved you.” The voice broke on a sob, it’s owner unable to hold back his tears. “I should have saved you.”
All I could do was listen to the heartbreaking scene, darkness filled the void, only familiar voices echoed throughout, a scene being played forth in only sounds and cries. My soul howled it’s own sad tune.
‘I’m so sorry, it’s all my fault, I should have saved her for you.’
“Please don’t leave me.” My thoughts didn’t reach as the male continued his pleas, his wretched soul despairing with each passing moment.
His echo but a whisper as his heart was ripped out of his chest at her every cry.
“It’s my fault.”
‘It’s not, it’s mine!’
“She’s gone.”
‘I didn’t know she would die. I didn’t know how to help. I was trapped, but I should have tried. I listened to her howls, I didn’t want her to die.’ The cries continued, and time after time I tried to call out to him, apologizing for her death.
I felt hands grasp my throat.
“She was mine!”
‘She was, she called for you, I listened to her but I didn’t respond. I’m sorry!’
“She was my future!”
‘I know.’
“She wasn’t supposed to die, she was supposed to come home to me.”
‘I’m sorry.’
“Why did she have to leave?”
The hands fell away, and I reached out to grab the man before me, only to be met with air.
“Why did you leave too?”
“Why did it have to be him?”
I released my own howl, as I tried, again and again, to reach for the figure I could only hear but not see.
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