It was not his fault that maybe the boy was fated to die on that day. He had tried saving his life twice, he had done more than enough charity. But he couldn’t help feeling annoyed. Maybe if Sui hadn’t confess to him that day, he would feel calmer and would accept his death more leisurely?
Looking at Sui’s photo on his former desk, Xuyun couldn’t help but thought, “did he confess to me because he knew it was his last chance?”
But then, another questions popped up.
If people die solely because of their fate, then, how they die didn’t matter? Right, despite the fact that the criminal who had killed him in the past had been taken care of, Sui still died. In short, did all ‘murdered victim’ died because it was their time of death, not because of the killer?
If we solely believed in fate, people would not die when it was not their time to die, no matter how dangerous the situation they were in. Likewise, people would die when their time had come, even if it looked like they were safe.
If it was true, then what about his uncle? Xuyun’s uncle was killed in the government secret mission long time ago. They said it was an accident, but Xuyun saw how quick they forgot about that mission, so quick it was weird. Xuyun still remembered how lonely it was, in the rundown apartment where he and his uncle lived. Sometimes his uncle’s colleagues came to play poker like it was their own home, but that day, who came was a few unfamiliar men, who brought with them a very shocking news and a piece of letter.
Not long after, he was officially adopted by the government.
If that day was really his uncle time of death, and not because of the government’s conspiracy, what the hell was he doing all these years? He trained really hard to be the strongest fighter, he did the tasked government assigned him like a loyal dog, he promised every year, at his uncle and colleagues’s tombs to avenge them.
He even had plan on turning back the time to save him, but he realized he couldn’t, because the him from that time was not powerful enough.
What was he doing all this time? What would he do from here on?? Do people really die because of fate? Couldn’t humans decide on their fate themselves? Couldn’t humans change the future?
There was no one who could answer his questions, except that one person.
Xuyun came back to the fourth August 20. At exact 8 AM, the boy bowed to him, once again.
“Senior, I’m Sui Shizi, special class grade 4-3. I love you, senior!”
Xuyun walked closer to him. Realizing his senior stopped in front of him, Sui lifted his head. Their eyes met.
“You can… look into the future?” he asked. Xuyun could look into his eyes and felt that he was hesitated to answer.
“Yes,” he answered.
“Can you look into your own future?”
Once again, the boy paused. “I-I can…”
“Can you change it?” Xuyun felt he was getting impatient.
But his question confused Sui. Then, a suspicion came to his mind. “Senior…, do you know about my future?”
Xuyun’s eyes grew widen. Did he say anything that spill the fact? On one hand, he wanted to hide what would happen in the future, but on the other hand, he just wanted to get to the point.
But, this guy would die anyway. What would happen anyway, if he told him the future he had already knew himself?
“I knew about it. I could turn back time. I came from the future.”
Sui looked shocked. The shock lasted for awhile. Xuyun had predicted this reaction.
“Aren’t you the physical type??”
Xuyun sighed. “Both. It’s troublesome if people know about it, so I hide it.”
Xuyun never told this to anyone, even to the higher-ups; because they saw it themselves. He imagined if he ever told this to any other people, they might got scared, jealous, or somehow would look proud, like the higher-ups, knowing that they added another useful pawn.
But, this boy was making an expression he didn’t know.
“Huhuhu!! Senior! Do you even have any weakness!!”
He covered his face with both hands. He was…. crying??
Xuyun stared at Sui, like observing some creature he had never encountered before. The boy covered his face and sobbed, but when he lowered his hand, a wide smile emerged from inside.
“Does that mean… you came from the future to save me?”
Being asked that in sudden, Xuyun got stunned.
“No,” he said firmly. “You think you can do something if your death time had been decided?”
Sui got silent for awhile, before he said, “time of death is definite. One could change the future except their time of death.”
“Does it mean that, there’s no such thing as a murderer and a murder victim? The only thing responsible for death is fate?” Xuyun could feel the tremble in his voice.
They looked at each other. Xuyun thought, somehow, this boy might notice his helplessness figure right now. If it was true, then, how weak humans really are? We tried to save lives, like a hero, but what was the point? What were polices and doctors for?
Like he could read his mind, Sui slowly said, “humans are weak.”
“That’s why the future is being hidden from us. If human could learn what will happen in the future, they would surely break down.”
What does it mean?
Before, Xuyun thought that being able to learn from the future was an advantageous power. But now, knowing that there was nothing humans could do to avoid death, he was not sure anymore.
Maybe it was true, the less you know, the happier you would be. Even though he now knew the real truth, he was not sure if he could tell this to anyone, assumed that, someone would believe it. But what was the point of telling them the real truth? It was too cruel. Sui was right, this truth would broke down human’s spirit.
What about this guy called Sui Shizi? He knew the truth from long ago, maybe he had already got accustomed to the truth? He had known that everything would die eventually. He could even tell if people around him were about to die, yet he could only keep it to himself.
Knowing that he would die before turning 20, yet he could still confess to the person he liked, even going to arcade and colosseum, where did he got that drive to keep living?
“Come to think of it, you came from the future, so you surely have seen how I would die?”
Sure, this boy is weird, Xuyun thought. He nodded.
Sui’s eyes grew widen. His faced moved forward, like urging Xuyun to tell him how.
Xuyun told him. Sui rubbed his chest while hearing about the last accident. “Whew,” he didn’t look sad, looked more like he had just got out of the cinema after watching a horror movie.
“This time…. maybe you’ll die from a lot more worse accident. Aren’t you scared?” Xuyun couldn’t help asking the weird boy about this concern.
“Well,” he inhaled deeply. “Fortunately, I can only predict that I’ll die from an accident, and not what kind of accident it will be. That’s quite reassuring.”
True, not knowing what the future would bring, was the greatest gift that humans had.
“So, how far have we gone, senior?”
Xuyun tilted his head. “What are you talking about?”
“Did I confess to you each time too?”
“I guess…”
“Have we date?”
“No!” Xuyun replied fast.
Sui pouted. He thought for awhile, then said, “how about this one time? You will not see me again in the future anyway. Think of it as doing a dying man’s favour!”
“You planning on using me?”
“No, no, no! How dare I to do that!” Wrinkles appeared in Sui’s forehead. “Well, you used me too, senior. You did asked me about the future secrets, right?”
Wrinkles now could be seen too on Xuyun’s forehead.
The boy smiled. “I don’t mind if you want to use me, senior. Feel free to ask anything you want to know, I just want a one day date with you, no, only ten hours. Well, it’s nine now.” He counted the time on his watch.
Xuyun didn’t say anything. Actually, he didn’t feel like doing anything anymore. He felt like swinging a sword to release his emotions.
Even though he looked absent-minded, he still noticed the pair of legs coming closer. “Leave me alone,” he said. He was going to turn away, but his gaze was locked on the his glistening pair of eyes. Xuyun could still see his clear reflection on those.
The boy raised his arms. What was he going to do?? Xuyun moved his hands and caught Sui’s shoulder.
Then, Sui’s arms circled around Xuyun’s back. Slowly, they pressed on his back, tighter. His face buried on Xuyun’s chest.
“This time, we have gone into hugging step,” he said. Xuyun’s chest got warmer because of his breathe.
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Xuyun could hear the boy’s heartbeat. He held his shoulder, they were slightly shaking in rhyme with the heartbeat. Why is your heartbeat that irregular? Are you going to die from a heart attack this time? Xuyun couldn’t help but questioning him in mind.
Having people touch him in the back and chest, getting so close that you could hear them breathing, touching skin to skin, was an unfamiliar feeling to Xuyun. So this was what people called hugging?
“Are you out of you mind? Get off me!” he said, uncomfortable.
Sui released his arms. He looked at Xuyun for awhile, then he smiled.
He took Xuyun’s hands off his shoulder and said, “senior, this is how you hug properly. Look at this.” He then placed Xuyun’s hands around his waist, before circling his arms again around Xuyun’s back. Now, they were closer than before, their chests rubbed against each other.
Xuyun still felt alarmed. But indeed, this was more comfortable than before.
He grabbed the boy by his shoulder again, pushing him away. “Is this enough?”
Sui smiled, satisfied. “We can go on a date now!”
Xuyun frowned when hearing those words. “Not a chance.”
“Come on, only until 6 PM,” Sui begged him. “You can ask me anything about the future.”
Xuyun thought for awhile. The guy in front of him was the only person who got a clue about the secret. And he was about to die in 9 hours. Okay sure, he would curse life in these 9 hours, then lived like theatre doll in the next few years until his time of death.
“Where do you want to go, senior?”
“Last time, you went to the arcade.”
Smile grew on Sui’s face. “Let’s go! Let’s go!”
He piled school’s tools one by one besides the school walls like before. Looking at him trying hard, Xuyun chuckled, unconsciously. After Sui’s hard work in piling a step stone, Xuyun jumped easily instead, without any tools.
Sui complained, “senior, why didn’t you tell me this?”
“You have to put in effort even when skipping class.”
Sui pouted. Xuyun smiled in his heart.
“How do you feel after learning the truth for the first time?” Xuyun began ‘interrogating’ him while they walked to the arcade.
Sui stared at him, trying to remember how it felt. “The first death I’ve seen was my friend’s. I was terrified by this vision and told him. We were trying to avoid the cause of his death,” he said, slowly. “But, even though we had successfully avoid the cause, he still died from another cause. Then I realized that death is really cruel.
“After that, I came to understand that every people will eventually die. I didn’t get too emotional anymore, didn’t try to change the future anymore.”
He looked at Xuyun. “You will do fine too after this, senior. After all, you have ended a lot of lives. Ha-ha-ha.” He stopped laughing after receiving mental stabs from Xuyun’s stare.
Xuyun had killed a lot of people before. He felt like he had been used by ‘death’ as it’s personal killing weapon. He felt like shit.
“So, what are you doing in arcade? You got no talent.”
Sui played a shooting game. Waste of money, really, because the game ended in one minute when it should have lasted at least five.
Maybe because he was now with his beloved senior, he didn’t make any ruckus this time. Seeing him only cursed slowly after playing badly a few time, Xuyun sneered.
“You cursed loudly and kicked the machines last time. Go on, do it now.”
His words shocked Sui, making him red from embarrassment. “How can I do that when you’re here??”
Xuyun smiled. This shocked Sui more.
“You’re so handsome while smiling, senior! Please smile more!” he shouted unconsciously. He raised his hands, wanting to touch Xuyun’s dimple, but got caught by Xuyun. Before he could scold the boy, something fell, making a loud sound.
“How can two freaking gays come into my turf??!”
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