I was Colorblind ever since I was born but I never felt the need of colors in my life until that day when my dad looked me in the eyes. His Expression was the most colorless I’ve ever seen. Every little detail of his face was looking at me full of Pain and Regrets. Self-hate and fear. Fear I couldn’t define. I was overwhelmed with the emotions my dad shown me. Dad, the hero every child admired, the man who never shows fear or sadness, the strongest of all, was looking at me, his six year old son with an expression of a broken man. Since that day my dad never looked me in the eyes again.

I started to avoid people out of fear that they would look at me with an expression who would make me feel guilty. At that time I didn’t understand why everything happened what happened. I felt hurt and guilty. I thought it was my fault that my parents became cold and desperate. The other kids began to avoid me too because their parents told them to stay away from us, now that my dad became a alcoholic and my mum was known as whore. We lost our money and so we lost our privilege. All the kids who said my dads car was cool and wanted to play at my house were now avoiding me like the plague. I started to be a loner.

After I changed schools (we had to send me to a less expensive school) the bullying began. The Kids there didn’t care if their parents told them to avoid me they just saw a strange kid who could become a good punching ball.

I don’t have many memories of the bullying but a specific memory forced her way to my mind and is still imprinted on my brain.

I was wearing edge filter glasses as kid because of my Achromasia.

„Look at that Guy he wears orange glasses!“ A boy shouted.

A girls voice: „Shh, my mum told me not to speak to him. He is strange.“

I was hiding behind my camera my eyes on the ground wishing to be somewhere else. Somewhere where I could be free.

„I heard his parents are sick.“ Said the boy loud enough for me to clearly hear it.

„Do you think he is retarded?“ Another Girl asked.

„He always writes with green. I think he doesn’t even know what color is what.“ Laughing.

Then the boy stepped near me. I looked up in fear an the boy held a pencil in my face: „Hey retard, what color is that?“

The pencil had a light shade of gray so it was probably yellow, or light green. I stared at him not sure wether I would make things worse or better if I replied.

„What your looking at? Cut it off thats creepy!“ The boy said becoming slightly uncomfortable.

So I replied with a low voice: „Yellow“. The Kids started to laugh and the boy in front of me sticked the pencil dangerously close to my face and yelled: „Boy are you blind? Thats Pink!“ Now he started to wave the pencil in front of my face and his free hand reached out to my glasses, while he said: „Thats Probably because of your glasses, how are you even supposed to see with that thing.“ Before I could react he snatched my glasses away and throw them into the grass.

The sudden impact of the light hurt my eyes so much that tears began to flow. My eyes were always sensitive to light because of my Achromasia, but right in this moment I felt pain like needles boring their way deep into my eyes and sending the pain straight to my brain. It was unbearable so I closed my eyes and sat crying on the floor.

The other kids were still laughing and the boy who had thrown my glasses away raised his voice and said: „Why are you crying? Are you Gay?“

„What is Gay?“ One of the Girls asked.

„That is if boys try to be girls.“ He explained.

Now I can only laugh about that memory. Using Gay as insult if you don’t even know what it means is so stupid. But back then I couldn’t laugh. I was in Pain and my glasses were no were to found. It was a horrible Experience. But its over. So why would I still care about what People said to me over 15 years ago. So what if I am Gay. If anyone has a Problem with it, it is just that: His Problem. Not mine.