[cw for mention of child death and (reclaimed) t slur] 

“Two Trannies would explain this shit way better,” Nils says, and I do a double take. 

We’re a few hours away from the outlet shopping center, and with it Nils’ silence. We’ve been talking almost non stop, and when I say “talk” I mean argue. Nils doesn’t like doing anything easily. The others seem amused by our banter, someone interjecting a comment every now and then when things (Nils) gets too heated. I’m trying not to stare at the black fluffy tail that he’s taken out from the leg of his pants. The large wolf ears concealed under his beanie seem normal by comparison.

“And that means…?” I prompt him.

“My brother and...friend did this ‘talk show’,” he says, doing air quotes. “called Two Trannies At the End of the World. They hacked into the door camera audio at the apartments and used it to keep morale up. Even when they weren’t doing it they were always talking about this stuff. They’re better at it than I am.” By “this stuff” he’s referring to werewolf lore that I’m trying to wring out of him. 

“The bar is low,” I tell him.

“Watch it.”

“I’m assuming by the way you said ‘friend’ the relationship is complicated,” I say.

“God, you really can’t mind your own business, can you?”

“Alex is gonna be so stoked that you called her your friend,” Jacob says, turning around to flash a grin.

“You better not fucking tell her,” Nils yelps, throwing the stick he’s been fiddling with.

“Like I said: complicated,” I say. Nils glares but doesn’t correct me.

“Alex is the reason I’m like this.” He shifts the beanie away to show one of human ears, usually hidden by his shaggy black hair. It's deformed, like a cauliflower ear on a baby.

“Can you only hear from the dog ears?”

“Can you fucking focus here, I’m answering your first question.” He’s referencing the first question I asked after seeing his ears, which was ‘How’d that happen?’ Somehow he’d avoided this for a remarkable amount of time. All I had gotten out of him was that the ears and tails were permanent. He couldn’t unmorph them from his human form. 

“Of course,” I say.

“So. Alex is a vampire.” He gives me a look, testing me. I don’t say a word and he continues. “And a shitty one, too. Vampires aren’t like us, they have all these rules and secrets. And Alex is shit at all of it. Before she would always wait too long to feed, and it got her into a lot of trouble.” I can’t hold my curiosity any more and speak up.

“Do vampires need to feed on humans alone or can they-”

“They can suck animal blood but gain more energy from humans! Can you please let me finish!”

“Yes.”

“Five o’ clock,” Nicole says from the front. We spend ten minutes taking care of a small herd and continue.

“Anyways, as I was saying,” Nils says, flicking black ooze off his bat. “Alex was behind on her feeding schedule. She collapsed in an alley. And because I’m a model fucking citizen, I stopped to help her. Then this happened.” He pulls his turtleneck down, showing me two clean scars on his neck. The skin looks paler around it and I can see his blue veins.

“Fascinating.” Nils rolls his eyes.

“Alex freaked out because she doesn’t believe in killing people, or whatever. So she tried to turn me and I started morphing. I don’t remember that part. Apparently I got like, 10% the way through and then lay like a corpse. Then Alex started Googling shit because the vampire network sucks so bad.” I open my mouth and Nils cuts me off. “Pun not intended.”

“I was going to ask about the vampire network.” This is a lie, I was going to comment on the pun. But the vampire network was definitely my second thing.

“Vampires aren’t like us. They aren’t family. Alex only knew one other vampire before, and she hadn’t even met a werewolf until me. So she tried to get in contact with her source and I went on the worst fucking trip of my life.” Nicole slows down but Nils’ glare turns her around again. “Turning is as painful as morphing, but stretched out for days. Your stomach shrinks and your body changes energy sources and you feel everything.” He digs his nails into his palm. I notice they're dark and curved, too narrow to look quite human.

“So morphing is painful,” I say. Nils shrugs but he’s shaking too much to pull it off.

“Yeah, but it happens so fast you can barely feel it. Vampire transformation is dying.” He furrows his brow and shakes his head as if to clear his thoughts. “Anyways, Alex’s only vampire friend dropped the bomb that I was this century’s first and-supposedly-only vampwolf. Then shit hit the fan.”

“The quarantine happened right after?” I ask, shocked. Nils nods. “That must have been traumatizing.”

“Well, who wasn’t traumatized on D-Day?” We’re silent for a few moments, thinking about the calamities everyone who's survived this long has had to face.

“What was your plan before society collapsed?” I ask.

“There wasn’t enough time,” he says.

“Of course, but what do you think you would’ve done?”

“I don’t know. Drop out of school and depend on the pack for everything. It wasn’t going to be fun.”

“How unfortunate.”

“Yeah, I got a pretty fuckin’ unfortunate life, huh?”

“So, the ears, tail. Mutated ears and nails. What else?”

“How about you go into detail about your specific anatomy first?” Nils growls.

“I can if you want me to.” A sly smile slips out before I know it and Nils pushes me away with his claws.

“You are the FUCKING WORST.”

At sunset we stumble onto a surreal place. We were carefully avoiding the country roads out this way, as far from the city as they were. So when the square building suddenly appears in front of us it’s like a dream. Nicole and Jacob pour over the map and find no trace of it. There’s the dirt path that leads up to it, but that’s all. The front doors are wide open and we can see lockers with stickers and posters about a talent show. It’s a school.

“I don’t like the smell of this place,” Nicole says.

“Zombies?” Jacob asks.

“No, just...death.”

“Even I can smell it,” Nils says. His beanie is at a weird angle and I get the impression his ears are down, like a dog when scared. Everyone looks to Savannah and the beagle, who are sniffing intently. Savannah finishes and gives Nicole a look.

“Alright, you’re the boss,” Nicole sighs. “Oh, Gracie, please don’t fuss now.” The baby is morphing between her puppy wolf form and human form and it's mesmerizing to watch.

“Even Gracie knows,” Nils says.

We clear the first floor of the school. Right away we’re able to tell this was a lived in place, a base post D-Day. The windows are barricaded or reinforced and there's even a few trip wires. This makes the open front doors more unsettling.

A dark brown blood smears up the stairs. There’s pictures on the wall, framed and otherwise. Some are done in crayons and most look like kids drew them. A child has written dozens and dozens of names in chalk on the wall next to the ascending stairs.

Iggy

Mrs. Cloverfield

Katie Monroe

The Guy At The 7-11

Mom

Jessie B

A chill runs down my spine as I realize it’s a memorial.

Nicole stops the group when she starts to cry, saying she doesn’t want to spend the night here. Jacob pulls her aside to talk and we clear the second floor without them.

This floor is more lived in. Entire classrooms have been cleaned out and repurposed as bedrooms, with gym mats as mattresses and a clinic with surprisingly robust supplies. None of us takes supplies at that moment, but later Jacob goes back to collect. There are more bloodstains on the floor in the hallway, all leading to a closed door. Savannah looks to Nils to open it.

It’s another staircase. The way down is completely blocked with hundreds of tables and chairs, a seriously impressive blockade that leaves one to wonder how it was made without attracting the entire NoVa herd with the noise. We follow the bloodstains up to a door that says “ROOF ACCESS: STAFF ONLY”. Except some words are crossed out and it now reads: “OO ASS AF”. Nils chuckles when he sees it. Savannah stares.

“What? It’s funny,” he says.

“I’m going to open the door a crack,” I tell Savannah. I do and she sniffs cautiously, then looks at Nils. “Does she smell anything?” I ask.

“Nothing dangerous,” Nils says. He opens the door and peaks a head out into the fresh breeze. And then he’s retracting quickly, closing the door. “Don’t tell Nicole,” he grimly says.

“What is it?”

“A bunch of dead kids.”

I say nothing because there is nothing to say.

After we clear the building and reenforce the front doors, Nils finds a guitar on the first floor and brings it to camp. No fire is started tonight, the weather warm and comforting. We open the windows so we can hear things outside better. Nicole has calmed down by now and Gracie has settled into one form as a sleepy puppy in her lap. Her mother gasps in delight when she sees the guitar.

“Nils!” she says, like he pulled it out of thin air.

“Hello there,” Jacob says. He gives a low whistle as Nils hands it to him. “It’s missing a string, but someone was taking good care of it.” He gives a few twangs and retunes it for a few minutes. The uncoupled chords begin to connect and a light melody is formed. It’s the first live music I’ve heard since D-Day.

“Play that one Elaine Daaé song,” Nicole says, holding Gracie to her chest. Jacob begins playing a song that I immediately associate with Poppy.

“Remember when her brother was in that cult?” Nils says. Jacob’s fingers fumble and he chuckles.

“When was this?” Nicole asks, trying not to laugh too hard and wake her kid.

“2017. It was a big deal on Twitter,” Jacob says.

“Do you think Twitter still exists somewhere?” Nils asks, half to himself. Nobody answers his question. People talk to death about the world outside of the quarantine zone (fondly referred to as the Dead Zone) but new information is rarely shared. A year ago a man in my group said the wall in NoVa was unmanned and the soldiers were gone. Whatever the situation was, it wasn’t affecting things on the inside.

“Any requests?” Jacob asks as he finishes the song. He’s looking at me.

“I don’t really know any songs,” I tell him.

“Didn’t you listen to music?” Nils asks.

“I played violin when I was younger…”

“You’re the worst,” he says at once. “I bet you were really good at it, you were probably good at everything you did.”

“I was terrible, actually.” Nicole and Jacob snicker. “My expertise was more in the academic field.”

“The worst,” Nils reinstates. Jacob begins playing a new song, unfamiliar and upbeat. At the sound of it Nicole starts laughing so hard Gracie opens her eyes and Nils shouts “SHUT UP!” Nicole quickly shushes him and he goes into a quieter protest.

“How do you still remember that!?” he says.

“A man never reveals his secrets,” Jacob says, winking. I look to Nicole for an answer and she grins.

“It’s a theme song from an anime Nils liked. He even cosplayed one of the characters-” Nils gives her a kick and she stops. “Sorry, sorry.”

“I hate you guys,” Nils rants. “Everyday I wish I was stuck with Rawls. You’re all terrible and will never let me-” A low groan comes from outside, a few stories down but audible nonetheless. And just like that, we’re back in the default mode. Even Gracie, who was beginning to wake up and fuss, shushes like a trained dog.

“I’ll take care of it,” Nils says, getting up. I stand to join and he holds up a hand. “Alone.”

“That’s not safe,” I say automatically. Nils looks incredulous.

“Is he for real?” he asks Nicole.

“It really isn’t safe,” she says. She’s tense, holding Gracie tight as if someone was trying to rip her away. Nils grumbles in vague protest. “Please, Nils. For me.” I see the chalk memorial on the stairs in her expression.

“Fine, fine, dumb human weapons it is.” Nils suffers me getting my knife out and tightening the laces on my shoes, waiting at the steps. He averts his eyes from the names on the wall.

“I know what you’re thinking,” he whispers when we reach the front door.

“Is that a vampire ability or a werewolf one?” I’m given a haggard look. “Right. What am I thinking?”

“You probably think I don’t care about this,” he says, even quieter. He gestures at the school and in the direction of the stairs. He’s waiting for my response.

“I think...I would’ve thought that when we first met,” I say, and he looks surprised.

“You don’t now?”

“I don’t.”

He leans against one of the front doors and stares out the window at the lone zombie stumbling through the brush. Its tiny, its head barely peeking over the grass.

“If I stop for even a minute...if I think about it…” He digs into his palm with his beastly nails and tiny circles of dark blood form. “I get so angry I can’t think straight.”

“Angry at what?” I lean on the other door. 

“At everything,” he says. “The virus for happening when it did. Alex for turning me. The government for its shitty reaction. But mostly myself. These kids lost everyone in their world, fighting all alone. And I’m sitting warm and happy talking about anime.”

“You’ve lost me,” I say, and I can tell my confusion closes him off.

“Forget it. You ready?”

We make quick work of the zombie. Nils brings it down with his bat and I finish with a stab through its skull. Both its eyes are gone, turned to a gooey mush dribbling down onto its Star Wars t-shirt. I wonder if it was one of the names or the one who wrote them. Like it makes any difference.

We take a quick lap around the building to be safe and when we come back to the front door I’m struck by the scenery. The path is nearly overtaken with lush greenery and fireflies blink across the vibrant colors of the sunset. It’s a beautiful sight. We both pause to look out at it and enjoy the panoramic.

“I bet it looked great from the roof,” Nils says.