'Should I or Should I not?'

I now remember why I gave you up!

The pulsing in my head clouded my mind. I opened my eyes. Raising up, I looked around the messy room. Panic threatened to spill forth. Where am I? More importantly where are my clothes! Did I follow another stranger home? I groaned. Knowing that nothing more could be done, I lay back down and closed my eyes.

"Afternoon my freeloading friend." My eyes shot open at the sound of the familiar voice.

"Johnathon! Thank God it's only you John!" John walked in the room smiling. The hidden meanings of his cunning look remained elusive to me.

"Damien, I thought you gave it up?" Gave what up? Screw my slowed brain.

"I'm sorry, clarify that." I rubbed my temples in a circular motion.

I need water. I grabbed the unopened bottle of water that sat on the bed stand next to me taking large gulps.

"Drinking!" he shouted. Even though he had raised his voice in anger the disappointment showed clearly on his face. I turned away.

"I did. I just wanted to... I don't know..." The remnants of the whiskey in my system had me feeling heavy and slow. "Sorry. Let's start over. What was the question?"

John scoffed and walked to his dresser, saying, "Do you remember anything from yesterday?" He took out a suit of his clothes.

"No." I replied. He threw it on the bed.

"Change into those. No need to return them." He pointed to the clothes on the bed. I reached forward quickly, only to fall to my side.

John's mocking laughter filled the room. "Are you dizzy?" said John. I glared at him.

"No shit!" He raised his hands in defense. I slipped on the briefs, black jeans and grey tee.

"Hey. Fill me in would you? I vaguely remember talking to someone at the pub and then I woke up here."

"Let's eat first." John's suggestion was odd, but I shrugged it off and followed him out the room.

In comparison to the bedroom, everywhere else was spotless. How am I friends with such a pig? His lunch, my breakfast passed quietly. The meal consisting of toast bread, jam and black coffee went down my throat with much difficulty.

"Ready now?" I placed down the coffee mug and waited on his response. I watched as he placed his dishes in the sink.

"You might be in deep trouble," said John. I frowned. What?

"Start from the beginning." John turned around and looked at me.

"I saw you walking out of the pub. Decided to say 'Hi'. Walked up then realized you were already a little tipsy. Didn't bother to invite you in for a drink. We talked, then you spilled everything about him. I wanted to see who this mystery guy was so I went in only to speed out at the sight of him. All I have to say is drunk or sober... Are you out of your fucking mind! You don't just walk up to the head of a Syndicate and make out with him!"

Syndicate? What are you talking about?

"You aren't making sense." Were the only words I could muster after taking in the pill he fed me. John's eyes opened so wide they might as well have fallen out.

"You are the one who isn't making sense! I told you so many times before you need to keep up-to-date with the tabloids! That man is one of the most talked about heads! Ace, Ace Ackerman! He's the leader of 'The Regalia Syndicate'!" Having the light shed on my situation caused my drunkenness to fly away on wings.

"Oh and you might want to get tested. He is a notorious playboy!" The headache that had vanished a moment ago reappeared with a vengeance.

The previous day's events flashed through my head. Feelings of mind numbing pain. The sound of whiskey being poured into my glass. Subtle notes of an alluring cologne. The darkness of those harsh black pools swallowing me whole.

Excitement; savouring that forbidden fruit inside his mouth. Capturing it, teasing it, relishing in its every movement. The promise that was made. Talking, a lot of talking and the world becoming a blurry haze after being pushed into a car. Why me!

"This must be some type of uncalled for retribution! The one day, the one bleeding day I drink after being sobered up. Geez. How many years has it been? Why did my day have to end like that! I really can't believe this." Voicing my inner thoughts, I clutched the sides of my head.

John nodded in agreement, before saying, "I as well. I never knew you were suicidal to the point of killing yourself with a slow poison." Rising up from the chair I looked around for my phone.

"Where is my phone?" He pointed to the key tray. "Thanks." He looked at me with a 'you are not really going to do that are you' face. I shrugged. I'm a grown man, well established I can deal with this. I may have initiated things but I was tipsy. The worse he can do since I've gone back on my word is... never mind. I dropped the phone onto the counter. I'm not going to bother.

"When does your bereavement leave end?" said John.

"In two more days. Why?"

"Well unlike you I actually have to show up to my job." He stared at me expectantly. I frowned now observing he was wearing very formal wear. "I have to drop a certain someone to get his car in a pub that is almost an hour away." John waved at me.

"Oh shit, sorry!" I jumped up and looked around to make sure I wasn't leaving anything. "My car keys?"

"It was next to the phone." I snatched my keys out of the tray.

"My clothes?"

"In the wash. I'll drop it tomorrow," said John. Okay. Where is...

"My unfinished bottle?" He laughed at my words.

"You slept with it. Is it not on the bed?"

"My shades?"

"In the car."

"My shoes?"

"Funnily enough also in the car. You started stripping before we arrived here."

"Oh." I picked up my phone, keys and went to retrieve my thirty-five pound, bottle of whiskey. I walked barefooted behind John out of his apartment.

"What are you going to do about the whole 'I'll message you later thing?'." I shook my head.

"Don't remind me. I'll think of something later." He didn't pursue the topic. The drive back to Centuries Pub was shorter than I remembered. Grabbing my personal items I stepped out of John's car.

"Thanks once again. You saved a life, mine." I said. He smirked.

"Yeah no problem. See you around!" He waved and pulled off leaving me alone in the car park. My mind felt cluttered. I need a drink. Won't ever learn will I? I took out my car keys and got in. Maybe another coffee will deal with this headache.

"Mr. Dage?" I heard the name being called on the intercom. I waved at the young woman. "Two shots of espresso with whipped cream and a blueberry scone warmed with cream cheese?" She confirmed. I nodded.

"Yes that is me. Thank you." I gave her a beautiful smile, she blushed.

"I hope you enjoy Light Café's Coffee."

Now to find somewhere to... A corner to the left freed up. I speedily ran to occupy the seat. I wonder if I should talk to Pamilla about this in our next meeting. It started as being a supplement to the astigmatism in my left eye, but now. I have to sit on the left no matter what.

Mother, If only you were here. None of this would have happened. I'd still be working on the Marslow Bridge Project. You'd still be teaching art classes in your studio. Mostly importantly I wouldn't have crossed paths with him.

Settling myself comfortably, I opened the cup breathing in the bitter aroma of the coffee beans. The scone and cream cheese disappeared in under ten minutes and was washed down with the remainder of the coffee. The phone that sat on the table turned into a taunting eyesore. Why am I making such a big problem out of this? I grabbed the phone and hurriedly opened a chat.

D - 2:23 pm : Hey. It's Damien!

There it's done. I wiped the cold sweat that started to form on my forehead. A new incoming message sent off my phone. I froze. He answered so fast!

A - 2:23 pm : Good Afternoon Damien.

One, Two. One Two. Calm down. He's human. Just calm down.

D – 2:24 pm : I'm sorry for leading you on like that yesterday.

D – 2:25 pm : If we could put it behind us that would be amazing.

No harm in asking. I'm currently not looking for any flings now anyway.

A – 2:26 pm : You were tipsy, borderline drunk. No problems on my end.

I almost cried from relief.

D – 2:27 pm : Thanks for understanding.

That was easy! My joy was short lived as another message came through.

A – 2:28 pm : We should still hang out though. Here's what. A new nature park opened today on the corner of Jacque Avenue and Tenth Street. Meet me there for 5pm.

I stared blankly at the message.

How can you just rope me in like this! You didn't even give me the option to refuse!

The entire situation felt sketchy, but I had nothing better to do. I put away my childish feelings after giving it some thought. Why not? I got up and cleared away my rubbish before leaving the establishment. I smiled at my stupidity. This is just perfect. I have a date with a syndicate boss. His face came to mind. I stand to be corrected. I have a date with an extremely attractive syndicate boss!

A half smile spread across my lips. Maybe John is right. Maybe I am feeling suicidal. Nothing good has ever been attached to that title. Yet, here I am ready to throw caution to the wind. I laughed softly at this revelation. Oh Mother if only you knew the decisions that your son has made. Now seated in the car I headed home.

Four o'clock crept up behind me with little warning. My phone's alarm chimed loudly on the bed stand alerting me, that I'd run out of time. I re-read the message once more. I never responded. He probably thinks I'm not going to come. In this case I could stay at home and watch some movies or do some work. Should I or should I not go?

The more I dwelled on it, the more I realized how much I wanted to go. Screw this! I got up off the bed massaging my scalp. Why am I over thinking things again? He looks more likely than not to be in his early to mid twenties. I'm in my early thirties. The balance is in my favour ... theoretically speaking.

I walked into the bathroom, showered, washed my hair and brushed my teeth. What to wear? Entering my walk-in closet, I pulled out a back loafer, a pair of dark blue jeans, a white v neck and a black, three quarter sleeve blazer to add a layer to the outfit. Within the hour I was dressed and in my car driving to the park.

Standing near the entrance, I pulled out my phone.

D – 4:58 pm : I'm here at the entrance.

No response? The chill of the impending night started to seep into my body the longer I stood there. Five minutes past the hour of five? Where is he? You ask me out and then stand me up. What are you really playing at? I have things that need to be...

"Hey! Sorry I'm late. Things have been really hectic on my end of the woods." His perfect smile captured my unclean soul. I smiled in return taking in his clothes. He wore a simple all black outfit that consisted of sneakers, a pair of jeans and an arm less hoodie that looked striking against his silvery grey hair.

"It wasn't that long of a wait." All my hate filled thoughts were sent to the back of my mind. The feeling of a new warmth seeping into my face made me look away quickly.

Thank god I'm black! A grown man blushing, that's embarrassing!

"Let's walk." Ace suggested. I nodded, as we walked at a slow yet steady pace through the park. A lot of families were around enjoying late afternoon picnics among the bushes and trees.

"So where are you from?" Ace's deep voice broke the silence. I looked at him from the corner of my eye. Should I tell him now or not? This does seem like a good opportunity.

"It's okay if you don't want to answer," said Ace. Huh?

"No. no. That's not it. I was just..." My voice trailed off as I struggled to find the right words. I can't say the wrong thing. If I do, I may not leave here with my life.

"You just what?" His words were not threatening, but the meaning behind them were. Ace looked genuinely concerned. I shuddered. Don't make that kind of expression!

"Nothing."

We walked in silence for some time. The twists and turns of the pathways led us to a grove of trees. It's now or never. I stopped in my tracks and fixed my expression.

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