The day after that fateful conversation, Jen couldn't quite get her brain into band practice mode.

It was stupid. Music was the one thing in the world she almost never had any trouble focusing on, aside from video games. But today she wasn't into it. She messed up songs; she forgot lyrics; she missed her cue; she was dissatisfied and made her bandmates start songs over and over and over, only to sing on autopilot without remembering anything afterwards.

"Okay, break time," Felix decided after a miserable half-hour. "You guys think we can order food in here? I'm starting to get hungry."

"Shouldn't you know if it's allowed? You're the one who found this place," Shine replied, setting down his bass and opening one of his inevitable energy drinks. "I'm hungry too though, my lunch break was too short today."

"Even if it's not allowed," Zahir remarked, "it's fine, isn't it? No one will notice, right?"

"Famous last words," said Shine.

Felix pulled out his phone. "Whatever," he said, "I'm ordering pizza. You guys want some too or can I have it all to myself?"

Zahir raised both hands into the air like a child on a roller-coaster. "I want some too!" he shouted.

"Pizza, pizza," Shine chanted. "But don't you dare put seafood on it."

A self-satisfied grin spread all over Felix' face. "You're giving me ideas."

"Don't even think of it! Dude, I'm kicking your—"

"Hi, Marina? Yeah, I'd like an extra-large pizza with tuna all over it—ow!" Still laughing, Felix tried and failed to escape from Shine's tackle, holding the phone out of his reach. "I was kidding, I was kidding! You know I don't like tuna!"

Still standing behind the microphone, Jen stared blankly into nowhere. Her head was buzzing with static noises; the voices of her bandmates registered and yet didn't sound fully real. She was tapping her foot from side to side again, something she only realized now that she was paying deliberate attention to it.

She sighed. What the hell was wrong with her today? She hadn't been this out of it since escaping from high school; especially not when it came to music. Chores? Deadlines? Learning lyrics by heart? Sure, those were things she had trouble with, she'd be the last person on earth to deny that. But it had been some time since she had been this zoned out while doing something she actually liked, not to mention this unable to zone back in.

I'm not losing interest in music, am I?

The thought shot through her like a shock of electricity. With all her other interests, this had been bound to happen. For her whole life she had scooted from interest to interest to interest, never able to stick to anything for longer than a few months before finding a new obsession and moving on. Music, so far, had been the only constant, the only thing she could consistently do.

I want to do something fun. That was the only message her restless brain was sending her, and as soon as she tried to figure out what it wanted, it came up blank. She had both too little energy and too much, and suddenly she had no idea what to do with herself anymore.

"Jen? Hey, Jen!"

She gave a start. Felix had risen from his chair, waving a hand in front of her face. "Hey, are you listening?" he asked. "Jenga, you want pizza too?"

Jen smacked him lightly on the arm. "Don't call me Jenga," she said. "Sure, I'm having some. No pineapples."

"Extra pineapples; got it—"

Jen smacked him upside the head, and Felix retreated with his phone in hand, still cackling at his own joke.

Remaining behind, Zahir and Shine discussed some subtleties of the last song they had played, trying to figure out the best way to play it. Normally Jen would join in, explaining exactly how she wanted them to sound, but right now she couldn't even pay attention to what they were saying. Her mind was going off the rails again, racing through an ever-changing landscape: Music. The band. Gigs. Elise. Talking to Elise after yesterday's gig—writing her own songs—and then…

Excitement sparked. Her own songs. Oh, so maybe that was the issue. She didn't want to do cover versions anymore. Now that she'd had a spark of hope to write what she truly wanted to sing, covering other people's songs simply didn't cut it anymore.

The pizza arrived, and Jen dug into her slice with greedy hunger. She had forgotten to eat lunch earlier today—she had only meant to quickly check her messages in the break, and before she knew it she had found herself scrolling through social media until it was time to go back to work. Work—damn it, that reminded her, her rent was overdue again. Water and electricity bills too. And her phone bill—oh, damn it, she had no idea how she was supposed to pay all of those, especially with the underpaid diner jobs she was juggling at the moment. Not that she was sure she'd even remember about all that when she got home in the first place.

"Is it okay that you're paying for this, Felix?" Zahir asked, reaching into his pocket, presumably for his wallet. "I can pay you back if you—"

"Don't bother, don't bother! I've got an employee discount," Felix replied, waving it off. "Don't you have bills due again soon?"

Zahir looked sheepish. "That's true," he said. "It's so much this month, I need to do something about my phone bill…"

Shine looked up from the pizza he'd been absorbing at a speed normally reserved for vacuum cleaners. "Dude, just ask your parents to lend you some money," he said. "Worked last time."

"Hm, that's true," Zahir admitted. "But I don't want to ask them for money all the time…"

Irritation flared up in Jen's chest, frustration and a pain she didn't want to be reminded of right now. "Just do it while you can," she snapped. "Guys, focus! We're here to play music, not goof around!"

Zahir gave a start and nodded hastily. Shine looked slightly confused, but gave her a thumbs-up anyway. Only Felix furrowed his brow in concern, his expression knowing, seeing through her response all too easily. Thankfully he didn't say anything.

"Yes, ma'am," Shine said, reaching for the last slice of pizza. "But let us finish this first. Some of us are hungry."

~ ~ ~

After practice, when Shine and Zahir went on ahead, Felix remained behind at Jen's side.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked as they left the building together. "You've been pretty out of it today."

Jen took a deep breath, sighed, then shrugged. "I guess?" she said. "My brain hates me today."

"Did something happen?"

Jen looked away.

Where should she start? The situation was plain enough before her eyes, but understanding it and putting it into words were two entirely different matters. Of course, Felix had known her long enough to make sense of most of her disjointed explanations. But she didn't want this explanation to be disjointed. It was too important for that, important enough to deserve to make sense.

"You know," she began at last, "remember that girl I've been talking to? Elise?"

Felix gave a nod and a hum. "The heels and blazer girl?"

"Yeah, her! She's…she asked me about—no, wait. We've been talking lately. Yesterday. We were talking after the gig yesterday." Gesturing vaguely, Jen searched for the right words. "And she asked me—"

"—to marry you?" Felix joked.

Jen elbowed him in the ribcage. "Shut up!" she said. "She asked me why I don't write my own songs."

Felix' amused grin faded into understanding. "Ah."

"And she said," Jen continued, "she's got the opposite problem of me."

Felix stopped walking.

"But that's dope!" he said. "You guys can write songs together!"

Jen nodded excitedly. "Yeah! She hasn't gotten back to me yet, but she said she was gonna give it a try! Can you believe it? I could be singing my own songs!"

A deeper understanding dawned on Felix' face. "And that's why you can't be interested in cover songs anymore," he concluded.

"…I think that's it."

"Your brain's weird, Jenga." Sticking his hands into his pockets, Felix resumed walking. "What are you gonna do if this doesn't work out? Maybe her lyrics suck balls."

"That's not happening!"

Truth was, obviously Jen was worried about just that happening. In that case, hopefully she would lose interest in songwriting and return back to covers; but the more realistic scenario would be her remaining unsatisfied and unable to focus on music anymore. Still, she didn't, couldn't, refused to believe that would happen. Elise seemed to understand her so well. She refused to believe that her understanding wouldn't carry through into the lyrics she wrote.

"It's not happening," she insisted. "I promise it's not."

Felix shot her a concerned glance. "Have you ever seen her writing?"

"No! But she…she's good with that stuff." Jen gestured vaguely again. "That word stuff. She has to be good with lyrics."

Now she just hoped that Elise would follow up on her promise soon.

---

The next afternoon, the lyrics finally arrived, and Jen couldn't think about anything else for the rest of the day.

Her insides were vibrating. At the top of her lungs she sang a first recording of the newly-made song, feeling it more strongly than anything she had sung all day yesterday. Her mind was buzzing, her heart racing, as she ditched all plans she had made for the afternoon to complete the rest of the song as quickly as humanly possible.

She still couldn't calm down when she went to bed that night. She was supposed to get up early for work tomorrow, and here she was, at one o'clock, two o'clock, still wide awake. She wanted to get out of bed right now and make a million more songs. She wanted to write a whole album in one go, even though she knew she'd never be able to get ahold of Elise at this time of the night.

And as she lay there, a realization struck her.

She had found her newest obsession.

And from now on, it was either making music with Elise or no more music at all.