“Alex, dear, you ok?” Luna says, placing her hand on his shoulder. “You are very pale.”

“I am fine,” Alex mutters. “Just… remembered I forgot to hand over… something. Don’t worry.”

You sure? You can always go, I can read the sides,” she says with a smile.

“Nah, all is well. It’s nothing major,” he says with an easy smile that should have net him some kind of acting accolade, because nothing was well with him.

He was processing... and cussing me. Carlos had never tanked an audition. His friend was the golden child of musical theatre, he had grown up acting! It didn’t make sense. Sure, he had been a little off on his initial audition but he was a professional, whereas most people on the university were amateurs. It just didn’t make sense.

He is still trying to comprehend what he knows when they hear a knock on the door, followed by Carlos' head peering from it.

“May I come in?” he says.

“Only if you want the part,” David quips with a smile, and just like that, he walks into the room with confidence, all smiles and charm as usual.

“Hey, love, how are you? Been a while since we last saw you!” Luna says.

“Was the French worth it? That’s all I’m going to ask,” David’s voice is dead serious.

“Hahahahaha, my parents would probably say she wasn’t,” Carlos says, throwing his head back. “But I am good. It’s good to see you again, hope you missed me!”

“We did miss you in the play, and Angela,” Luna says, and his expression softens a bit at that.

“I guessed as much, who else were you going to cast?” he says, getting a laugh from both Luna and David.

“Anyhow, are you ready to show us what you’ve got? Alex will help you with the sides and you know how this goes, just tell him to hit play and we are a go,” David says.

Carlos looks at Alex with a huge smile and nods. Alex’s heart is on his throat as he hits the play button.

***

The music starts and he waits for the cue. David and Alex had made a wonderful edit of the song, but it still had been hard to learn in just two days. He’d been forced to sing while drawing architectural plans, oh joy. At least Alex is there with the sides and singing Elle’s bits, that calms him somewhat.

It’d been a while since he had been on an audition. He missed them, but he was not sure if he missed the adrenaline rush and nerves that came with.

It did not help that he still felt rusty.

He had not thought about theatre or acting since last fall. When he took the plane to France he had vowed that the exchange would be his distraction and, hopefully, a respite. Originally he had been so excited by the trip, but after all that had happened, it had felt off. He felt off. He wondered if Angela felt off too. She didn’t seem to, why, with all her dancing classes and actually being in New York. Maybe he was the only one off. Maybe that’s why she wouldn’t text him back on their private chat. It was his fault after all, wasn’t it? He had crossed a line.

He is singing now, trying to empty his mind, to be Emmet.

“Malibu?” Alex says, and Carlos throws him a look. He wishes he hadn’t. Alex looks so much like Angela, he tends to forget it; but right now, he is also looking pale and his eyes look sad. Is something wrong? Maybe he is just in character. He continues with the tune... still trying to be Emmett.

“Oh, why’d you come?” Alex says now, even paler.

“Why, indeed,” Carlos thinks. This semester is a tough one, he has models to build and plans to draw by the day, not to mention his thesis project, which he has to start planning since he starts it next year. But here he is again. Even though he’d promised he was done with collegiate theatre and he has other projects lining up.

Even if Angela is not here.

Specially because Angela is not here.

He wishes she were here. He wishes he could fix everything.

“Well, excuse me. Just because you've got some kind of chip on your shoulder!” Alex says. He looks genuinely angry now. Carlos always wonders why he refuses to get on stage now, he was so good. Eva keeps asking him to force that stubborn Green Giant to come back, but he knows that once his mind is set, there’s no stopping him. Better for Thor, though, if he saw Alex act there’d be no saving him from his crush.

He envies them both. He wishes he had Alex’s stubbornness and Moritz’ romanticism. It makes them decisive. Unyielding even. Not his case, sadly. This audition is as close as he gets to that.

Why is he doing this?

***

Carlos stops singing all of a sudden. He seems confused. He IS confused. Alex know so more than anyone in the room, since he had been doing a perfect delivery in front of everyone while having a meltdown on his ear.

“You ok, Carlos?” Luna says.

“Yeah, I… I just forgot,” he says. There’s a weary smile on his face now. “I just forgot the lyrics, that’s all.”

“I see,” David’s voice is terse. Everyone knows what this means.

“Um…” Carlos is gathering his thoughts. “Well, should… I…?” He says pointing at Alex. At the music.

“Sure, let’s start over,” Luna says, giving Alex a meaningful look.

Alex prepares the track, and waits for Carlos’ nod of approval. He gives it again, but his smile is tense now. All of him is.

Carlos manages to finish the audition now, and he sings it perfectly, his belt is clean and lovely. His acting is anything but, and he knows it.

“Thank you, Carlos,” Luna says. “Would you please call Eva now, please?”

“Surely,” he says. “Thanks for having me guys, I missed this.”

“And we missed you,” Luna says, all while thinking, “Still missing you, love”.

Once the door closes behind him, David just turns to them with a sad frown.

“Well, that was a disappointment, if I ever saw one.” Luna punches him on the arm. “What?! You’re all thinking it too.”

Actually, Alex is thinking more along the lines of wringing my nonexistent neck for the unwanted trip into Carlos’ psyche. Now he knew too much AND too little. There was no way he could talk to Carlos about what he now knows (and doesn’t understand, really) or comfort him about it.

When and why had he chosen to not come back to the Theatre Department? What the hell had happened between Angela and him? Why hadn’t they told him? Why did they act like nothing had happened on the group chats? Had he missed a sign? The answer to that was yes, but there’d be another time to think about it, because Eva was entering the room.

“Hello again,” she says. There’s an edge to her voice this time. Nerves and excitement have finally set in.

“Hey, Eva,” Luna says, beaming. This was the moment she was waiting for. “You ready?”

“When he is,” she says, winking at Alex’s. He just laughs and stares intently, waiting for her signal.

***

She wonders if I am telling Alex how she feels (of course I am), and just because of that, she wants to make it clear she is ok. Yes, she is nervous, but she knows why she is here.

The rooms might be soundproofed, but being on the room next door they can all hear what the others are doing (like Carlos restarting his audition), even if somewhat muffled.

Estefanía had been better than her last time. She was sure of it. On her last audition, she had indulged in the comedy far too much, she had made the character a joke rather than a person. She didn’t need to watch Estefanía’s audition to know how good she was: the girl was a perfectionist down to the core, talented as all hell, beautiful and with pride to spare. If only she weren’t a straight Sampetrina, Eva would love to take her out for a spin, but right now she could only think about taking her out of the picture altogether. This role had to be hers.

She takes a deep breath, and looks directly at Alex. His eyes tell her everything: he is sporting that glazed look that she used to confuse with him spacing out, now she knows better. She wonders how the narration is like. Her narration. She smiles, wanting to tell him she’s got this. He smiles back. He knows. The music starts playing.

When Alex had sent them the songs, she had been ecstatic. “So Much Better” was her favorite song from the whole musical. Ever since Angela had showed it to her, she had loved it. A song about finding validation in your hard work and realizing one's own self worth. How could you not love that? It was everything she had ever wanted to sing, and this might be her sole opportunity to do it in front of an audience, so she makes sure to embrace it.

In the first 40 seconds she bares her heart: vulnerable, defeated, lost… and then the music picks up. She doesn’t have to imagine Elle’s feelings, she lived it when she got the callback e-mail and she uses that. Joy and pride fill the room as she sings, and a confidence she didn’t know her makes itself known within her. When she talks to her imaginary Warner, she sees David shift uncomfortably on his seat, Luna beaming from ear to ear and Alex’s mouth turn into a knowing smirk.

She’s got this. The song might be complicated, but she feels better than she’s ever felt on any audition.

The tears come without warning as the song runs towards its ending. Emotions well up in her eyes. If only her mother could see her now, or any of those ballet girls that told her she’d always be second fiddle to everyone else; they could throw anything at her and she’d be impervious: she is her own pink-cladded superhero.

As the last note escapes her body in a glorious belt, she feels all tension leaving her. Even if they don’t see her in this role, at least today she’s seen herself in it, and that’s more than enough.

***

Eva had left everything on the room. This had been her stage and she had commanded it. As soon as the song ends, she closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and then smiles their way. It’s impossible not to smile back at her.

“Well, where were you hiding those pipes?” Luna teases.

“I think I left them on my Tracy costume, but it is nice to have them back,” she says with a wink.

“Hahahaha, it is nice you got them back,” Luna says, showing a cocky smile to David. “Now, could you please call Estefanía, dear?”

“Sure!”

Eva mouths his way “See you soon” and leaves the room.

“So… do you think Estefanía can top that?” Luna says.

“Oh, shut up,” David mouths. “I admit it, she was wonderful. If she dyes her hair no one would dare complain. But we still have one audition to go, so don’t get over excited.”

She might as well.

Estefanía comes in quick and, although her charm is undeniable, there’s a lack of emotion to her performance this time. Alex sneaks a peek at David’s face as she sings, and he feels happy to find his face tensely unmoving, a failed attempt at masking his disappointment. Eva’s got this.

And surely, as Estefania ends her song and steps out, he allows a muffled groan leave his mouth.

“Well, I guess we have a lead, don’t we Luna?”

“Glad you agree,” she says, winking Alex’s way. “It’s the men who are a toss up, aren’t they?”

“Don’t remind me,” David says. “I can’t believe Carlos screwed this up. What the hell?”

“Throw him a bone, David,” Luna says, patting him on the back. “Last year was rocky for everyone, and then he was away for a whole semester… there was bound to be an adjustment.”

“Oh, don’t make last semester about him! Angela and MAYBE Alex are the only ones allowed to be mad, they had to deal with a freaking mob!”

“And they are his friends! That would rattle anyone, wouldn’t it?”

Alex is quiet as they talk. ‘Deal with a mob’, did they? More than deal with it, Alex had failed to fight it. He was glad the university had not expelled him for defending Angela, but the whole thing still made his blood boil. He wondered if this was what had been rattling Carlos, that he had not been there when it happened. But that couldn’t be it, could it? Angela would never hold that against him, would she? It’s not like he could have known.

“...anyway, Alex what do you think?” David says.

“Eh, what?”

“I asked what do you think. Should we give Carlos a chance despite the audition?”

Alex felt his heart sink. He didn’t want to say. They were giving him a chance to basically handover the role to him, but not only was his audition a bust, what he had heard kept coming back to him. Did his friend even wanted to be here?

“I… I think he has a lot on his mind. As you both know, next year is our last, and he has a lot to keep up with. Architecture is not an easy career, after all,” he bites his lip. He hated himself for what he was about to say. “I don’t think we should force a big role onto him, besides he knows how he fared here, he is no newbie. Maybe talk to him about what he wants to do? Consider the UPS guy?”

“Huh, that could work, we’ll talk to him later,” David says, taking notes. “At least he is a better dancer AND better looking than Jaime, so… he’ll make an amazing UPS man… and Reggae guy. He could actually breath life into those roles. I would have thrown him Callahan but we already called someone to play it.”

Did he do the right thing? He hopes so. He just doesn’t want Carlos to be overwhelmed, but can’t think of another way to help.

“Which leads us to our Emmett, played by Jaime. He fits the bill, and acts well,” Luna says.

“Lies, he sucks, but he is one of the few guys we’ve got” David says. “We are only doing this because Carlos is off and Alex refuses to act.”

“Hey! What do I have to do with this,” Alex says.

“Everything! You are great, but you refuse to get up on a stage anymore. A waste,” David huffs.

“But we respect your decision,” Luna says with a smile.

“It’s in my contract! I already cover a lot of ground, that would be too much. Also, I am passable at best.”

“Yes, so you say,” Luna quips. “It’s fine Alex, but I'd like you to know: you would make a lovely Emmett. Anyhow, you won’t do it… so we’ll leave it up to you to guide Jaime in rehearsal so he doesn’t go full ham.”

“I’ll do my best,” he groans.

“So Warner is the newbie?” David sounds unconvinced.

“He is promising and we need to start training the newer talents, we only have a year left with the current, after all.”

“Fine.”

“And Paulette is Estefy,” Luna says with finality.

They all remain silent for a minute.

“Well, that was quicker than expected,” Alex says.

“We had already discussed all the possibilities, we only needed the audition to be sure. We’ve been doing this for a while, after all,” David sounds bored. “Tell them to come in so we can give them the results.”

Alex steps out and the first person he sees is Carlos, sitting on the hallway.

“Hey,” he says.

“You ok?” Alex asks.

“You know,” Carlos shrugs. “The results are in?”

“Yeah,” Alex fidgets a bit. “Want to talk about it?”

“Nah. But thank you for asking,” he says, a small smile appearing on him. He means it, he is happy Alex cares but he is not ready to talk. Alex just nods and goes looking for the rest.

“Hey, guys, it’s time for the results. Come.”