Chapter Two – For Some Reason, I Like Blonds
Jett would wreck his brain later about where the heck he’d seen April Summer before today because, right now, there were more pressing matters to deal with. Like making a list with all the girlfriends he had about …
“Hey,” he called for April who was struggling with the baby’s car seat and trying to follow him inside the house. “How old is this kid?”
“Seriously?” April threw him a look that told Jett, in a nutshell, what the dweeb thought of him.
“Give me a ballpark,” Jett said and gestured with the hand holding his phone.
“That’s not exactly how this works,” April replied. “I don’t know. I’d say that he’s about one year old … -ish? Ah, look. It says on his onesie. Yeah, this was a gift for his first birthday.”
“Hmm,” Jett scratched his short beard in thought. He was just growing it and believed it made him look interesting. “So sometime, about two years ago, I fucked his mom and knocked her up.”
April stared at him in disbelief. “Don’t speak like that in front of the baby! He understands more than you think!”
“Really? I thought babies only knew how to drool and poop or something like that.”
The look in April’s big eyes was speaking volumes.
“All right, all right, sorry I said ‘fuck’. Do you want to set up a bowl and make me throw pennies in it each time I curse?”
April took a look around, the car seat and the baby still in his arms. “Man, your place is like a fucking pigsty. So do you agree that Jay is your kid?”
“There’s a possibility. I’m a philosopher by calling,” Jett said with a grin. “I don’t reject any possibilities right out.”
“Possibilities that involve getting your girlfriend pregnant? I’m pretty sure philosophers don’t have the kind of problems you have.”
Jett grinned again. “Just leave the kid somewhere.”
From his car seat, Jay was examining everything with curious eyes. He looked pretty mature for a one-year-old, Jett thought with pride. Well, maybe the kid wasn’t even his, and he was getting ahead of himself. He still needed to put his mind to work and remember who the hell he was banging on the regular two years ago.
“I can’t just leave him somewhere. He’s not luggage, you know?”
For a guy who was about to sell his kidney only half an hour ago, April had a mouth on him.
“Well, find a place. You and I need to talk finances.”
After some deliberation, April set the car seat gently on the floor, on a patch relatively free of haphazardly thrown objects, and took the baby out of it. Jay seemed pleased with being released from the confines of his car seat and grabbed April’s longish curls with enthusiasm.
“He’s such a good-natured kid,” April praised him and adjusted Jay’s position in his arms so that the baby could sit comfortably.
“He’s going to rip the hair off your head,” Jett warned.
“No, he’s not,” April said back, and pronounced the words while looking at Jay and imitating the cooing of babies.
Jett shrugged. “If you wanna go bald, don’t let me stop you. Are you bringing him to our small business meeting?”
“Yeah, I am,” April replied promptly. “There will be a bunch of stuff you should buy. Like a carrier, a crib, diapers, toys --”
“Hey, hey, maybe he won’t be here that long,” Jett said and put one hand up.
“What are you paying me for, then? And I need to set you guys up well so that I can go back to my place tonight. It might take a while to put things in order.”
“Do you like your kneecaps where they are in your general anatomy?” Jett stopped April. “And you’re not going back tonight. I need to go places. You stay here, with Jay.”
“Did I sign myself up for slavery?”
“Hey, dude, five grand is five grand. You want the money or not?”
Jett never forgot a face. It was stupid, given the circs, that he was willing to throw that kind of money out the window. But the dweeb was good with kids, by what he could see, and that was worth avoiding complications.
Nah, that wasn’t it. Or wasn’t the full story. He wanted to remember where he’d seen April. There was a particular weird sensation he had when looking at those green eyes, augmented by the glasses. While those seemed prescription glasses, they kinda looked good on the guy.
They were making him … how was that word one of his girlfriends used when seeing something she liked? Ah, adorable. Well, usually, Jett wouldn’t say or even think stuff like that about another dude, but April Summer was as unique and peculiar as his name was.
So, the usual rules couldn’t apply to him. Plus, what the hell was with that ass? If Jett hadn’t – almost – seen the guy’s pecker, he would have doubts whether the dweeb was a dude or a gal.
Whatever. He needed to stop thinking of April’s ass, no matter how round and perky. Seriously, that kind of ass made him want to slap it. Playfully, lovingly, but slap it, nonetheless. He could bet those big green eyes would stare at him like their owner was majorly pissed off, which he seemed to be most of the time.
April had followed him to the kitchen, which, surprisingly, was the cleaner part of his house. He had done so without a word, at least not one addressed to him, as April was taken to conversing with the baby, for some reason. All the kid did was to coo like a bird back to him.
“Write it all down. How much you need to pay back?”
April adjusted Jay in his arms and sat on a chair. Then, with his left, he began scribbling down fast on the paper Jett had handed to him. “Here,” he said quickly and pushed the paper back to him.
“4,876.40 dollars,” Jett recited out loud. “You calculated that on the spot, just like that?”
“Well, when there are kneecaps and kidneys involved, one cannot help but become proficient at math,” April said promptly like that was some kind of logical explanation.
“If you’re so smart, how come you borrow money from the wrong people?” Jett questioned.
“Call it a lapse of judgment,” April said. “Also, a complete lack of options.”
“Is that crypto shit really worse losing a limb over it?” Jett questioned.
April’s eyes lit up, and Jett knew he made a mistake. A cascade of words from which Jett could only catch a few, like ‘digital asset’, ‘ledger’, ‘blockchain’, came pouring out of the dweeb’s mouth.
“Just stop, or I’ll get the urge to kill myself,” Jett said and got to his feet.
He went into his bedroom for the money. There was a current stash he used for the usual stuff. Some could say he was crazy to leave that kind of cash lying around and up for grabs, but that wasn’t where Jett banked. Also, if anyone ever had a death sentence and stole from him, at least Jett knew his real money wasn’t in danger.
Pocketing five grand, he walked back to the kitchen, where he found April explaining to Jay the name of various objects around. Damn, that looked almost domestic, that if Jett ever thought about living with someone and also allow that someone to be another dude.
He shook his head. With the wad of cash, he smacked April over the head not too hard, but not too soft, either.
April jumped from the chair and gave him a murderous look. Well, the dweeb was kinda jumpy. For some reason, Jett found it pretty amusing. “I’m going to pay up what you own, dweeb.”
“All right,” April agreed. “Are you sure you’re not going to come back for my kidney one day?”
“Take care of Jay. Don’t fuck up, and we’re set.”
“Wait. You really need to grab some diapers and baby formula for Jay on your way back.”
“The fuck do I know about that stuff?” Jett bristled. “You buy it.”
“I can’t. As you can see, my hands are full,” April said and raised Jay a little. “Oh, fuck, I don’t think I like the look on his face.”
“What? What’s wrong?” Jett asked, alarmed.
They both waited, their ears pricked, and then a sound like a deflating balloon refusing to go quietly into the night interrupted the silence.
“Dude, what the fuck?” Jett began waving his arms in front of him frantically.
“Phew, it was just a fart,” April said, looking pretty much relieved.
“Just a fart?” Jett hurried to the window and opened it wide. “This is fucking chemical warfare!”
“Language! There are babies present!”
“Fuck that, dude! This kid is going to kill us all!”
“Let’s not exaggerate … Oh, God, that does smell awful!”
Jett turned to notice with satisfaction how April’s face was contorting like crumpled paper, and the dweeb was holding Jay a bit away from him. No wonder there, the little punk was giggling.
“Jett, I’m sorry, man, but you will have to go for a ride to grab diapers and food for Jay, first. Get some blankies, too. Also, some clothes --”
“Give me your damned phone,” Jett said and opened his palm.
April half-turned and made a gesture with his chin for his pocket. Jett sighed and took the phone. Then he entered his number and called his phone.
“Now, you can send me texts like a normal human being. What the fuck? Do you think I can remember all that by heart?”
“All right. But go and bring the supplies we need first.”
“Before paying your debt? Those are not patient people.”
April waved. “They can wait. Priorities, man,” he added and lifted Jay higher, making the baby giggle again.
“All right,” Jett said, feeling more and more exasperated.
He would find Jay’s mom and shove her kid right back into her arms. Then he would grab April Summer, stare into his big green eyes, and stare, and stare until he remembered where he knew him from.
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