T looked so cute, staring at me, holding my arm. Did he need something? I looked back at him this time, looking at him, “Mya, will you go out on a date with me?” he asked. There’s so much going on I needed to clear my head. I covered my face. “I’ll see you later,” I said quickly, trying to leave. I hated confrontation. Lyd was stand-ing there looking mad and concerned she looked like jay tried to fuck the skin off her.

Later, when I arrived home, I thought about that kiss with Lydia and the idea of sex we had last night, and with those thoughts, I assumed I had some type of threesome with her and the bartender. I didn’t know what to say. Could I see myself with lyd? Could I even see myself with T? I was lost, but life must go on and whatever happens. I’m not upset with Lyd like the once was. How could she have known about jay and me?

3 years ago…

The thoughts filled my mind as I drove home traffic was building.

I wasn't upfront with jay, we were just fucking friends, but I always felt more.

2 years ago, before he and Lyd even got together, we were together good sort of we kind of just messed around. But it was me who caught feelings.

I don’t think jay ever knew, but I mean everybody knows how it works you take someone’s v-card you steal their soul.

I mean I was about to come clean he had just got back into town after 7 months of not seeing or not touching each other, and man was I hungry I missed the way he uses to eat my ass. He told me he would never eat anyone’s ass, but one night Jay was licking me from the back; he just bit my ass! We texted, and video chatted while he was gone, then he just fell off the earth.

When I arrived home, I ran the bathwater with bubbles I needed to think.

I drank my third glass of wine while soaking. Jay called me up after 7 months of missing in action, he said we had a lot to talk about, I was ready I was going to tell him how I felt, I pulled up at the smooth breeze restaurant. I waited inside the restaurant ordered a drink because I was nervous. I missed ly-ing in bed with him talking for hours about dreams future goals. I smiled big and couldn’t wait to see him. I quickly became nervous; we had sex and did other couple of things, but we never talked about us being in a relationship; I thought it was apparent.

Time went by; he was becoming late; it had been an hour. I looked at my phone, no texts, no calls. I poured the drink down my throat until the glass was empty and slammed it down next to the other glasses. I told myself a couple more minutes. Then I was going to leave. The waiter constantly asked me if I wanted to order some food or if I wanted the check. I was embarrassed, did he get cold feet. “like what the hell” ”why did he stand me up?” I was just starting to sweat when I heard familiar voices.

“Mya!” A familiar voice called out to me, I looked up to find the source. Lydia, my best friend, called out to me. I hadn’t seen her in years. I was in shock as I saw them walking towards the table, holding hands.

I smile quickly faded. “No fucking way,” I said, dropping my jaw; Jay walked over, waving, smiling, his face turned into confusion at my expression, mines showed nothing but hurt and pain. Time froze. Why was he with her? Why were they holding hands?

My future husband, my life, my one, and only tears filled my eyes as my heart dropped on the floor; this was awkward too much to handle. Were they together?

Is that why I haven’t heard from him?

He smiled his handsome smile again, walking closer to me with those lips that used to kiss mines. The pressure was overwhelming; I had to get the hell out of there! I didn’t have the patience to find my car, so I ran straight into traffic like a crazy person, not to mention it started raining.

I slowly drifted off to sleep, thinking about the past.

Uncomfortably I had woken up to freezing water and pruiny skin. A tear rolled out of my eye the past still hurt. “No!” I could not be with lyd; it would hurt too much. It still burns the way jay looks at me. He called me 100 times that night, but I never answered, I avoided them forever hiding in the same city until I moved out of state. I was happier when I moved, but now every time I look around, I picture my sexual assault.

I did online shopping and had somebody deliver my groceries until. Lyd found out where I lived and stalked me, She was my best friend it wasn’t her fault, I told her I was seeing somebody but.

I never told her who I never told her it was going to be serious.

Lyd changed; she had grown into her body and dyed her hair red. She had tattoos and piercings and was sex craved. She became a woman after I left a very sexual woman.

She stalked me for months and invited me over for a party little did I damn know it was a swinger’s party. I just always wondered was I not sexual enough for Jay? Was I too dark? I asked myself what happened to us, but honestly, I was happy they were happy. Besides, now it is my turn.