OCTOBER 25TH

Tonight, I was at home naked sitting in front of my computer thinking about material for my readers. I clicked my pen as I come up with ideas. I pulled my hair into a pony-tail because it was itching the back of my neck. I was struggling with material to write; I wasn’t going to write about my rape because I didn’t want to scare my readers.

I reached into my desk, grabbed my pills, and popped them. Looking through the bank app on my phone, I checked my bank account; the balance was right. I had more than enough money for the date tonight with T. I was happy I had to move on with my life couldn’t sit around feeling bad for myself. I was going to pay for everything this time. Who knows, it might go somewhere. “Ugh,” I said, closing my laptop. Sex sells romance sells, but I didn’t have any experiences to help my thoughts flow I was going to just use T whatever relation-ship we make is what I was going to write about.

I applied some chapstick, pulled up my boy shorts, and snapped on my bra just in case I made sure to wear my bra with the clasp in the front so that only I can remove it. I didn’t know T I didn’t need a repeat at the same time. I wasn’t worried because everybody knew T.

After deep thought and a long list of stressors, I decided to have the date at my house to have a controlled experiment I wanted to have the date at my house in case anything went wrong. I had a panic button everywhere in my home. I also have pistol advice of my shrink. I finished the meal in my kitchen and pulled the drinks out of the freezer. I had on a simple red blouse and skinny jeans with flats. Dinner and a movie a fantastic way to have a date, but just in case he wanted to go out, I did have enough money. I had to stop thinking about the worst. T might be the one…

My phone started flashing, I checked the phone, it was lyd I honestly couldn’t do them right now. I let it ring and go to voicemail, Lyd sent a text afterward, I’ve been avoiding lyd making sure not to be home in case she stopped by, Her calling me only fuels my emotions. Why was she calling me any-ways she already had my man she didn’t need me for anything.

I stood in front of the mirror, looking at myself. I wasn’t happy with what I saw. Was I ugly? What the hell? I thought about the events so far. It made me upset I knew I was attractive. I had to be!

Boring, I think. I took a deep breath, which made me cry. I hurried and popped some more of my pills; my depression was lurking I had been getting better. I have been trying to kick it, anxiety, and depression. I’ve started hanging out with Lydia sex-craved ass.

I had to do better… I was fighting so many mental issues, but my biggest one was my sexual cravings. I am young in my prime, and I didn’t like the way I was living it so far.

I went back to my closet and had to make a quick decision hoe or housewife? I couldn’t decide. I was tired of being boring and safe I was tired of being so conservative, so I was going to turn it up a notch or three. Maybe I was too dull. Perhaps that’s why every person left me? In an angry, frustrated rage, I tore through my closet, finding pieces to create something ho-is but stylish. I found the perfect outfit. However, it didn’t fit anymore; most of my clothes had gotten too small, mainly because of my stress eating. I went from size 7 to size 12 in the hips. I walked back over to the mirror and didn’t like my outfit; it was too tight. Nothing was fitting; it was time for me to go shopping.

I had become a shut-in. I’m naked half of the time or in sweats in my home. I had no choices; I was going to stay home tonight the ups and downs that I was feeling I was going to cancel the whole date.

After five quick minutes, I had thrown all of my clothes out of the closet, and they were all around the room “fuck this shit” “fuck everybody” I screamed in frustration, kicking my dresser. I heard something drop behind my furniture; it sounded like a plastic bag, I got up off the floor and pushed it, so I could see what fell behind It. I found a Victoria secret bag. “I remember this,” I said, smiling. It was something that I bought for jay the day he was supposed to return, but I never wore it, and it was too big in the ass and breast ar-ea, but with my body now, it was perfect.

“Fuck it,” I snatched my hair out of the ponytail and let it hang. I applied some black eyeliner and eye shadow I used some dark red lipstick.

I put on the highest heels that I had.

I was ready! This was the after your man cheats or breaks up with you chapter; time to make a full transformation, I would dye my hair if I had the time.

The phone rung one last time I checked it. It was T I smiled, I answered the phone. “Hello?” I said. “Hey Mya, its T,” he said. I’m not sure why he keeps saying that as if I don’t know. I smiled at the sound of his voice.

“Hey, are you outside,” I asked him? “Nah, I’m down the street your address is 6214, right?” “Uh, I didn’t know what to put on because you didn’t tell me what we were doing tonight,” he chuckled. “T just come I don’t care where we go I’m just trying to kick it.” I knew what I meant by that, but he didn’t; men always think that they are the ones who seduce women, but truthfully, it’s the woman who had the idea first and has all the power.

I turned down the lights and turned on music in the bedroom and shut the door I made the plates; it was homemade food, baked salmon, green beans, mash potatoes, and something special to drink.

I heard a knock on the door and made my way to open it. T smiled at me, just staring at me taken me all in. Yes, sir, I run this my body my home my rules.

He stood there looking stupid before he came inside. He looked me up and down. Then he admired my modest home taken in the smell of the food. I invited him to the table; his eyes lit up.

He smiled from ear to hear. “You look nice,” I said, biting my lip he had on baggy jeans and a tank top with a button-up shirt I loved the way his hair shined. I loved how serious his eyes are so profoundly trained. If nothing went down tonight, I would swear up and down, he was gay.

I was tired of being the good girl for once I wanted to get sexual down and dirty, Fuck jay he missed what I could do I wanted to be held kissed talked to and I want my walls destroyed I wanted to give myself to someone every part of my body. “Where’s the bathroom? He asked. “I was broken out of my thoughts

I pointed down the hall to my bedroom only after he left did I remember about the music and room setting. Oh well, we are both grown I know he can figure it out.