I woke up by a shushes conversation around me.

My head are throbbing and my eyelids felt heavy. I have to blinks several times until my eyes are adjusted to the brightness and the feeling of disorient fade back before I took a look at my surroundings.

I was in a spacious room with its white and green wallpaper and its pristine white ceiling that I knew too well as I’ve been staying in this room for the past nineteen years of my life. The room was rather dim and the heavy blue curtains were draped shut so I was unable to tell the current time.

Moving my head to my right, I saw Hagen and Kennet that were in the middle of a quiet discussion amongst themselves on the table set near the window. I’m not sure what they’re talking about, but Kennet appear to be listening seriously at the older man’s words. Aside from them, I hadn’t seen anyone else in the room.

Hagen was the first one to realize that I had awoken and offered a smile as the two rose from their chair and walked to me, “How are you feeling, Your Highness? Can you move your body?”

I felt a little sluggish, but I think I do, so I nodded and tried to sat up, but then I took a breath and suddenly I coughed hard in the process. My chest hurt from the coughing and the sudden movements made the dull throbbing on my head that I felt when I woke up to a full on headache.

I wheezed some shuddering breath to ease the pain as Hagen helped me to a sitting position on my bed and places some pillows on my back while Kennet took a glass of water from the bedside table and gave it to Hagen, in which Hagen then helped me holding it on my lips.

“There, drink it slowly. You’ll feel better,” he said with his low, calming voice while patting my back.

My throat was parched and it felt really uncomfortable, so I gulped down the water gladly. The cool water felt really good on my throat and plain water had never tasted so sweet as this moment. After I finished all the water on the glass, I heave a long sigh and laid my back to the pillow. Hagen places the glass back from where Kennet took it and walked out for a second to talk with someone I assume is my chamberlain Aron, from the voice.

My head was still throbbing and my body felt sore and heavy at places, and I’m feeling more lethargic than before. I reaches out my hand to my forehead to press the throbbing point, and I found that it was bandaged as well as my palm. I frowned.

Why am I bandaged?

I asked Hagen that when he was back at my side and he answered with a sad smile, “What is the last memory you have? Do you remember being on a ship?”

I was confused for a second before it hit me.

The storm, the failing ship, the look of despair on everyone’s face, and the waves that sink us all.

I swallowed a lump on my throat, asking him if there was any other survivor from that ship beside me. He glanced at my brother, whom had keeping his silence all the while as if asking permission to deliver the answer I dreaded.

We stays on the uncomfortable silence for a long time as my anxiety keep on rising until Kennet finally took a step closer and sat on my bed while Hagen moved back and and stood still, giving us the space to talk. He holds both of my hands and his amber brown eyes stared right into mine.

I gazed at the face that looks very much like mine, with the exception of his full lips and thicker eyebrows. People often mistaken us for another from afar, but up close, no one would ever missed his quiet charisma that he carry ever since his boyhood. But looking closer now, he appear tired and there’s an obvious eye bags under his eyes as if he hasn’t been sleeping much these days. He looked at me with a solemn expression I seldom saw on him, and the dread dampen all the hope I have for the safety of the sailors, guards and the advisor.

“We received a message from an abbot on a small fishing village from one of the east coast islands,” he began, “they said that there was a very nasty looking storm that was visible from their island far north that noon and it happened for hours. After the storm has calmed, some nuns found you unconscious on the shore near their monastery that evening and they recognized you. They were making a guess that the ship you’re sailing is most likely was capsized on the storm before,” he paused, wanting me to confirming the obvious. I nodded slowly, and he continued, “they took you in and you were having a very bad fever that night, but they doesn’t have the medical capabilities to take care of you, so they have no choices but to personally took you to the palace that very night and you were unconscious the whole time until now.” He was quiet for a long seconds, appear reluctant to continue to talk about the thing I wanted to know the most.

Kennet was never big on small talk if it’s not needed and in a way he’s a lot more quieter than I am, so having him say this much and not came straight to the part that I knew wouldn’t be good is disheartening. I exhaled the breath I didn’t realize I was holding. Heart pounding, I tried to brace myself for the next thing he’ll have to say. I smiled stiffly, tugging the hands he holds and urged him to continue, and his expression dropped more than I remember him having for the longest time.

“They... never found any other survivor. Not on that island, nor the others. The citizens still having a watch around the shores for any survivor, but we have little hope for any. Father had taken care of the sailors and guardsmen’s families by reimbursed them for the tragedy. It was three days ago since you were found and your fever finally broke yesterday night, but you’re still unconscious even after that. We tried to keep you hydrated by pouring water onto your throat, but if you’re not able to awake, we were worried that...” Kennet trailed off as his expression falter and his eyes glistened for a second before it was gone and he’s back on his solemn face and his holds tighten around my hands. Kennet is hard to read sometimes, but from what I learn about him over the years, its a mix of sorrow, worry and relief, for both me and the lost life of the people on the tragedy. He continued, “I know this is selfish of me to say while there’s a lot of household that has lost their family member on that ship, but I’m very glad that you’re alive and safe, little brother.”

Tears prickled my eyes and I lowered my head, nodded at his words, because I’m actually very glad that I’m alive too despite everything that had happened.

But then again, deep inside, I felt the growing emotion I recognize as guilt swirling around on the back. My sense of rationality knew that it was ridiculous to feel the seething guilt since the storm happened and it wasn’t really my fault or anyone else’s, that I worked hard to help in any way I can during the storm just like the others. But then again, another voice on my head beat me with the thought of the reason why we were sailing on the ship in the first place. If it wasn’t for my courtship to the lady, none of this would’ve happened and no one will have to lose their life in the storm. I remember their faces and names as I converse around them for the duration I was on the ship. I remember their laughters when they joked about and the look of horror when the last waves came crashing down on us, especially Captain C’s face.

He shouldn’t have to felt that kind of shame. It was no one’s fault and as I thought about it, what would their family buried their tombs with? Will it be empty as their body was sunken to the depth of the sea? I wouldn’t know how to face the sailors family as the only survivor on the shipwreck, and that wasn’t something I like to think of at this moment.

They all died, but the useless you is alive and well.

My throbbing headache became a lot more painful and I felt the dampness of my skin as I rubbed my hand on my forehead again. Hagen came closer when he saw that and did a rudimentary check up on me. He checked the bandage on my head and asked if I felt nauseated and if I remember how I’ve gotten my wound. I don’t feel any sickness except feeling tired and having a headache, and I told him that I was hit by something when I fell to the sea, but unsure of what it was. The headache and the feeling of lethargy I’ve been having might be a symptoms of concussion but as we weren’t sure about how bad it really was and on top of that, I most likely has lose a lot of blood and he advised me to not moves too much for today and we’ll see if there was an improvement on my headache tomorrow, and the bandage on my palms were some scratches from the ropes I holds on the ship, but he said that I can remove them tonight.

Kennet hold one of his hand on my thigh gently as Hagen did my check up and making sure that I have no other discomfort. I can feel his warmth seeping through my skin over the blanket, showing his quiet support. Hagen told me to lied down until some food were delivered to my room and he told me to eat before I slept. I might have felt the pang of hunger before, but my appetite just wasn’t there, though I nodded and laid down as he asked.

We all fall back to silence once again, and the sounds of moving sheets and footsteps was the only sounds I heard for some time aside from the sound of waves outside my balcony that overlook the open sea.