Kasper
Since Iris and I were always early, the school was relatively empty. This was the best time of the day because we got to spend a bit of time together before the rest of the group arrived.
Iris always made me feel calm. There was something about her that I loved so much.
Sometimes I wish that I was attracted to girls. She would be my ideal type. Pretty, smart and kind. She’s got it all.
We currently had an entire hour before school started and I was so tired. I could feel my hangover coming. I felt so nauseous.
“Iris, have I told you that you’re my favorite,” I inquired of her while hugging her tightly while we sat on an empty bench. “You’re my bestest friend ever. Honestly.”
“I thought that was Mila,” she said nonchalantly. If I was honest, Mila was my bestfriend, but after she got together with her boyfriend we started to drift apart. I still love her and care for her, but our bond wasn’t the same. Or, I’m just a jealous person that doesn’t like to share my friends.
“Nope. She left me for her boyfriend. I love you the most now.”
“Oh. So I’m just a “reserve friend”?”
I felt guilty because I knew she sometimes felt left out. I didn’t know how to talk about these things without feeling awkward.
I usually just pretend like everything is okay and move on.
“I can see the gears moving in your head. Do you want me to hug you while you sleep till the bell rings?” Iris didn’t even look up from her book while saying it which made me pout.
“You’re not mad at me right?”
“Your hangover is punishment enough.”
“Hey,” I mumbled. “Your fantasy world isn’t as important as I am. Give me attention.” I tugged the book out of her hand only for her to elbow me and pulled it back.
“You’re hungover. I think you really should sleep. You’re not usually this clingy. The party must have been great.”
The party. The one Ian refused to invite her to because he’s an idiot. “Right. What did Ian say to you?”
She shrugged and furrowed her eyebrows. “Ian? Why are we talking about him,” she asked in confusion.
“They said that he didn’t invite you 'cause you’re boring. Was it true? Did he say that to your face?” Iris smelled really good. I sniffed her neck more. “By the way, you smell so good, I could eat you.”
“Oh my god Kasper, get off of me.” She chuckled and nudged me on the side again.
“Do you want me to puke all over the floor?” I exclaimed with a laugh. “But seriously, what did he tell you?”
“He came over last week when you weren’t here and he invited everyone except me to the party. I’m used to it. People don’t like me and I’m fine with it. I’m not pretty like Mila or as outgoing as Luisa.”
It hurt my heart to hear her say this. Iris reminded me of myself in a way. She never really opened up to us and when she did it was always about something bad. People’s perceptions of her have ruined how she sees herself and I don’t think she sees how beautiful she is.
Unlike Luisa and Mila, Iris was very modest. She didn’t draw attention to herself unless it was necessary. As the years have gone by, I’ve seen her become more closed off, just as I am.
“You’re so beautiful.”
“It doesn’t matter how much I hear that, I won’t ever believe it. The person I see in the mirror doesn’t reflect your words. You don’t have to lie to make me feel better.” At this point, her glasses-clad eyes were slightly filled with tears. When she noticed me watching her intensely she blinked them away.
“I’m okay. I have to be. Sorry for just pouring all of this out to you. You probably don’t want to hear my problems,”
I squeezed her hand. “I’m always here for you.”
I’m such a hypocrite.
“I know. Look, I know they don’t like me. They don’t need to invite me and I’m honestly fine with it. Don’t make their issue with me, be an issue with you,” she pleaded.
“Maybe the others don’t care, but I do. We’re friends and we have to stick up for each other. I’m going to take a nap now, okay?”
I didn’t want to continue the conversation because I knew I’d end up digging my own grave. I let go of her and laid my head on the bench.
~
By the time I woke up I could barely figure out what was going on. Everyone was talking at the same time as if it was recess.
Why was it so loud?
“Wake up, loser,” Mila said and poked my cheek.
“So loud,” I muttered and rested my head back on the
“It’s lunchtime. I think you should get up.”
I jumped up. “We had math Mila. Why didn’t someone wake me up? You know she hates me. She’ll call my parents.” I started to freak out. How did I manage to sleep that long?
“Your math teacher didn’t come. Mila stop messing with him,” Asia scolded her.
Mila shrugged and laughed. “That’s good for him. Nobody told him to mix his alcohol like that. You ditched us last night, so I hope it hurts.”
“I’m surprised you noticed that I left since you were so busy with your boyfriend,” I spat. “Did you want me to sit there and watch you?”
“I take back what I said last night. You’re still a douche,” she flipped her newly blond curly hair and turned to everyone on the table except for me. “I’m going to order some food. Does anyone except for Kasper need anything?”
“I’ll take the burger,” Luisa replied, handing her the money.
“Harry’s bringing my lunch,” Asia said with a slight blush.
I kept my face neutral as he said that. I tried not to make any type of face because they would question me. I’m not sure if I’m ready to answer anyone.
“Must be nice,” Luisa teased. It seemed as if Asia was the only person she wasn’t passive-aggressive with.
“Iris, anything for you?”
“Um… I’m fasting today,” she replied and continued reading her book. I knew that she fasted for religious reasons, but it’s been happening a lot more lately and I hope she was okay. I always felt uncomfortable asking her about it, but maybe I should.
“Alright. Nobody else wants anything right?” Mila asks loudly. I wasn’t sure if she was referring to me, but I really couldn’t take her attitude right now. I felt myself drifting off again. I needed five more minutes to catch myself.
I really should stop drinking so much when I go out. It’s all fun and games till I get a hangover at school. When I got home last night, my parents didn’t see me, and this morning I left extra early to avoid them. I’d have to face them eventually, but I don’t think that I was up for it.
“You’re not going to believe this...” The moment I heard Luisa’s voice I got even more annoyed. She’s probably going to talk crap about someone.
I grumpily sat up. Iris who sat beside me handed me a bottle of water and a painkiller. “I got you some water earlier, just in case,” she whispered.
“Thank you.” I swallowed the pill and finished the bottle.
I felt a little better. I decided that maybe if I stretched my legs I might feel better. I stood up and started walking to the nearby gym. I shoved my hands in my pants pocket and walked to the nearby gym. The football team was doing a few drills, while the volleyball team did some on the other side. I liked sports, but I really sucked at playing them.
As usual, I was lost in my head and I didn’t realize that I was walking straight into someone.
My luck.
“Kasper, Hi!” Elias said with too much enthusiasm.
I always made it my mission to avoid him. How did I end up bumping into him? I didn’t want to see his stupid… handsome face. His hair was let loose with a few waves cascading past his shoulders.
It should be illegal to look so good.
I shouldn’t be thinking about him that way, especially with him right in front of me. I wanted to hide.
“Hi,” I mumbled.
I stood there waiting for him to walk away, but he didn't.
“How are you? I usually see you at the cafeteria around this time, but I didn’t see you. I thought you were absent.”
Pause.
How did he know where I usually hung out for recess? That’s strange.
“I’m okay. You?”
We awkwardly stood near the gym chatting. I never wanted to talk to him again.
He was nice and he tried making jokes and I wish he wasn’t. If he was a horrible person, I would’ve had an excuse to not want to be around him.
Now that I’ve seen that he’s decent, I’m worried that my uncontrollable feelings might deepen.
When the bell rang signaling the end of recess, he looked sad. I didn’t understand his expression.
“Well, I hope we get to talk some more at a later time.” The blush on his face confused me. Was it cold?
Although our island was multicultural, I didn’t know much white people. Did their skin get red a lot?
“I guess,” I shrugged.
“Umm… can I give you my number?” he asked, while the redness on his cheeks deepened.
“Are you okay? Your face is so red. Want me to take you to the nurse?”
“It’s red? Oh my god. I’m fine. Umm, so can I have your number or?”
“Oh.”
I thought he asked me in my imagination. We exchanged numbers and he quickly ran away from me.
I was so confused.
Why was his face so red?
Why was he looking at me like that?
Was this some sort of joke?
I sighed and went back to the table. Everyone was gone beside Iris.
“I didn’t want to leave your bag, so I waited.”
“Thank you.” I hugged her tightly. “You’re honestly my favorite. I mean it. Thanks.”
“Okay. Now get off me. I don’t like clingy Kasper,” she teased.
“Fine.”
~
I got in trouble.
“How many times do we have to tell you to come home before your curfew?” My dad yelled at me.
I stayed quiet because the moment I’d open my mouth, he’d yell more. I should be used to this by now, but every time he did I’d always be a bit shaken up.
“This is the last time you’re going to a party. You’re graduating soon and I want you out of my house. You’re such an embarrassment. I bet Mila doesn’t do half the crap you do to us!” My mother chimed in.
Well, Mila’s parents are nice people. They were accepting of her boyfriend and they aren’t judgmental. They were open with each other and she was able to talk to them about her feelings. I can’t do that with my parents.
“I don’t know what you expect me to say.”
“We expect you to take responsibility. It’s not like your grades are decent. You’re a mediocre student. It’s like all the private lessons we gave you were done for no reason. You’re not only rude to us, but you’re disobedient and lack sense. You can’t be all three and expect us to not get angry!” Dad yelled as his voice grew louder.
Maybe I was rude and disobedient. I can accept that, but when they spoke about my intelligence, it always struck a nerve. I know I wasn’t as smart as my classmates and it really bothered me. The private tutoring didn’t seem to help and sometimes I did feel stupid.
“Maybe if you paid more attention in class and not focus on partying, you’d be a little smarter,” my mother added.
I sighed. “Okay.”
“That’s all you have to say? You’re so rude. How could we raise such an ungrateful child,” my dad exclaimed walking towards me. When I was younger he used to tower over me, but right now we were the same height.
“What do you want me to say? Everything you said is true. I won’t argue.”
“You won’t even defend yourself. Coward. You’re nearly eighteen and you act like a little girl,” he chastised.
I closed my eyes and tried not to get worked up. I wasn’t going to cry in front of him. He didn’t deserve my tears.
“I bet he still hangs out with Asia!” my mother said as she watched me with disgust. “Do you?”
“I don’t,” I lied while making eye contact with my dad.
They banned me from hanging with Asia when they found out he was gay. It was a very stressful moment for me. I was hoping that they’d be supportive of him when he joined the pageant, but all they did was talk about how disgusting he is. At that moment I knew that whatever thoughts I had about my sexuality had to stay with me. I could never open up to them.
“Good. At least you’re doing something right. If you get home later than 7, there will be consequences. Get out of my sight,” dad spat out.
I slowly walked to my room, trying to compose myself to the very end. When I made it to my bed I deflated as the tears fell down.
I know I was always angry.
I know that I can be rude at times.
I know that I’m not the smartest.
But I just wanted my parents to accept me, even just a little bit.
As my vision was blurred, I felt my phone buzz in my pocket.
Hiiiiiii, I hope you’re having a good afternoon ☺️ - Elias 4:28 p.m.
It’s Elias btw. - Elias 4:28 p.m.
It was nice talking to you at school. - Elias 4:28 p.m.
Sorry if I text too much. I really want us to be friends. - Elias 4:29 p.m.
Sorry again. I’m weird. I’ll just wait for your reply🙈 - Elias. 4:29 p.m.
I felt the tears fall even more as I read through the messages. Why is he so nice?
I knew that he was gay and I felt some false hope creeping in. This wasn’t good. This will make things complicated. I closed the messages and flung my phone to the corner of my bed.
It’s better if I just distance myself from everyone. Since my parents can’t stand me, what’s the point of anything?
If you don’t mind sharing.... Have you ever experienced parents that weren't supportive? Do you have any tips on how you dealt with that?
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