Approaching the table after him, the food was already on the table, so I quickly and silently sat down, forcing myself to forget what happened while grabbing the red meat with the tweezers, removing it after only two seconds and munching it hungrily.

Hearing some laughs, I popped my head up from all that heaven “You were really hungry, I see.” Emma smiled at me, somehow hoping that I would interact in the conversation, but I kept on eating. I didn't want to talk, I didn't want to look at either of them, and I didn't want to be there... If I weren't that hungry, I would have gone already.

“Cheng talked a lot about you,” she said enthusiastically while I simply glared at him for a second, putting down my steel chopsticks and finishing the rest of my beer "I am happy to have properly got to know you!"

"Oh, did he? Weird, he doesn't do it with all his other friends," I stated tartly, hearing a snort coming from him. 

"But you're right. I saw you at his place many times, but we never got to talk.” I mumbled, looking at him with dull eyes but then turning to Emma with a forced smile. Of course, we never talked; she would bolt out of the apartment as soon as I stepped in.

“Well, I am glad we came out altogether,” she looked me in the eyes, and a sting came to my heart as what I truly wanted was her to disappear and enjoy that night only with him.

“Wouldn’t it be the same as just not cooking it at all?” Emma laughed, finishing her juice and placing it far from her plate. I mounched on another piece of meat, hoping to stop my selfish thoughts.

I shrugged my shoulders and picked up a raw piece of beef but when I was about to take a bite, Cheng stole it with his chopsticks and placed it on the grill, avoiding my gaze. So now he stopped ignoring me?

“Just don’t, okay?” he defended himself, picking up the meat as I liked it cooked and trying to feed me by stretching his arm across the table.

 I simply nodded in response; his dark eyes sent chills down my spine as I opened my mouth to welcome the food, placing my fingers around his firm wrist only to reassure myself that everything was fine. 

I did surely pissed him off before, but our quarrels always end up as nothing happened. They passed the moment we finished talking, and maybe that was why I kept instigating him. I wanted him to react, to be pissed so that he couldn't ignore me anymore, not even when he was with his other friends. 

Making eye contact with the waitress, I ordered another beer that came right after, but when I was about to take a sip, Cheng stole it once again, whispering something in the waitress ear before she left.

“Can I have it back?” I asked, trying to contain my rage, but my friend chunked down all my drink, placing the now empty glass in my hands.

“Man, what’s wrong-”

“Here you are, guys!” the waitress interrupted me by placing three wine glasses on the table and pouring some wine in each glass and leaving us alone when finished.

Cheng raised his glass, looking at me “This is for you, Chin Mae, for the hard work you put in every day between your job and your studies. Cheers.” he smiled genuinely, making me feel guilty for being harsh. 

Honestly, it was weeks since he completely ignored me, he threw a fit when we were in the bathroom, and now he bought a bottle of wine for me? His brain might be really damaged. He needed to make peace with his brain and heart; God and any other entity may bless his soul. 

Emma poked my ribs with her elbow, urging me to grab my glass and clenching it with theirs. I blushed, “I didn’t know that you were working.” she stated as she sipped some wine.

“Actually-” I tried to explain, but of course, the little prince stepped in. I bit my tongue to avoid another argument in front of others while crossing my ankles together so that I wouldn't walk away and return home. I had to keep my calm; I was only too sensitive tonight. 

“He's my butler.” Cheng replied before I could even think to continue, “He looks after me while I am here to study.” I rolled my eyes and heavily sighed as I didn’t want to reveal our weird relationship, but I guessed I didn’t have anything to hide. The pay was good, and I usually did what I usually would do for myself or for someone I wanted to look after, so...

“That’s nice! I see that he is really doing an amazing job,” she concluded, pouring me another glass while Cheng looked at me satisfied.

“He is indeed," Cheng said before sipping his wine, winking at me. I knew that he was only playing with me, but somehow I was angry at him. If he didn't want to go out with Emma, why must he take me with him? I would have gladly avoided being the awkward person who needed to be on the spot because the conversation was dying. 

“Yeah, whatever, spoiled little prince." I spout before realising it, watching them burst into a loud laugh and secretly enjoying the sound of it. But besides the gaffe and other embarrassing moments, the evening went by, and after eating, Emma’s friend invited us to a disco pub not too far from where we were. We walked fast to escape from the cold and finally arrived at the old looking pub in a remote area, full of loud and drunk people smoking outside the building. 

Once inside, we met many students from our university that I only recognised because they were most of the time buzzing around Cheng, trying at least to make a good first impression like he was some sort of idol of the Business and Management freshman year. 

Pathetic.

The smell of alcohol and loud pop music made me dazed already, and the fact that I drank quite a bit was surely not helping. I could feel Cheng clinging behind me, pulling the edge of my sweater lightly when the bodies around us made it difficult to move on, and of course, I lost sight of Emma without realising it. 

I grunted, a bit annoyed, not knowing what to do and embarrassed to end up dancing in front of everyone as I didn’t feel to have yet reached that level of the drunken state where you start to not care about the things that surround you.

Even if the pub's lights were dim, my eyes spotted a crowd of giggling girls that were looking at us, mainly at Cheng obviously, and I felt like I already knew how the night would've developed. One of them, who I remembered talking a lot with Cheng during universities breaks, pierced her gaze fiercely in mine, making me understand her intentions. She could clearly see that it was a good opportunity for her to make out with the cool guy of the football and basketball team, and I couldn't help but feel fired up with anger.

My body tensed up while I gawked her back, and I bit my inner cheek, trying to calm down. Why did I feel like that...? I guess nobody wanted to see their friends getting used and manipulated, but he was the one who was getting famous for sleeping with any cute girls, so I guessed tonight wouldn't make any difference for him. I only hoped they would use protection.

I quickly turn to face Cheng, who looked at me bleary before I get closer to his ear. “I am going to get a drink while you have some fun… You have company down there.” I added bitterly, stepping back with a sour smile, so sour that I too didn't know why it turned from that to a sad and resentful one. 

My friend quickly crossed his arms behind my neck and leaned on me, dancing to the rhythm of the tunes. His body entangled with mine while he slowly let his hands slid down my back until he reached my hips, clenching them like he didn’t want me to go. 

I deeply inhaled his lemony perfume that inebriated all my senses; he was so close that our cheeks could touch if I moved my head by only one inch. I could feel his hot body screaming for attention that I couldn’t give him, confusing mine and my mind by feeling excited and disappointed at the same time. 

I laughed, noticing some people looking at us, but I couldn’t get myself to step back yet. “I don’t want to have fun with others… I only want you,” Cheng confessed sweetly in my ear. He pulled me against him like we were not close enough, grinding his body on mine- I clenched my jaw in dismay.

Was I not clear before? I basically told him to back off ... We were both drunk and being carried by emotions that were going to ruin our friendship for sure. It was dangerous, and I didn't want to let them win anymore.

“I-I can’t.” I stuttered, leaning my temple on his and breathing in again his intoxicating perfume. I knew he could feel it because I felt it too. He wanted me to kiss him, and I wanted him as well, but... He had to initiate it so that I could shout at him and blame him for letting it happen after it. 

I was the worst, was I? I didn't want to take responsibility for what was about to happen; I didn't want to give my consent only to be on the right side. Gosh, I was such an awful friend. I was about to ruin his life if I let that happen.

I snapped out of my thoughts when a tempting smirk raised from Cheng's lips. He knew what I was thinking about; he was reading me like an open book. Nestling his head on my shoulder, he hid his face under my chin, and I screamed internally, closing my hands into fists. 

“See you later, Cheng,” I said coldly, pushing him back. I didn't know who I left him in the middle of the floor alone when my body and mind screamed to go back and hold him... but it was just an illusion. He was my friend, and I would treasure his friendship until the end. I didn't have to cross that line anymore.

And Cheng wasn't interested in something more than friendship. He talked with many girls at university, and by how the rumours were spreading, he didn't only speak to them. And also, I wasn't gay. All that was just… confusion, yeah, a grown-up confusion period. That was it. I needed to stick to the right side; I didn't need to complicate life more than it is already.

I leaned on the bar counter, and something caught my attention: I didn't know why but I couldn't remove my eyes from a bartender that was just pouring some drinks to some people a few meters from me. Dark blond hair, dressed in a simple white shirt and some black trousers; his muscles were considerably showing off from his low-buttoned neckline. 

He turned towards me, and, in an instant, a smile grew on his perfect face. I couldn't understand what he said as he took my order, but I appreciated it when he placed some free shots next to my iced whiskey.

“Looks like you need a drink. On the house.” His icy blue eyes captured my attention as we looked at each other while we chunked down the shots, pleased to find out that it was tequila. Forcing out a smile, I ended up ordering more.

So many drinks and shots added up to the last one that I promised myself to have, and that was only Cheng's fault. The thought of those girls and his perfume that still reigned in my nostrils made me think that if I drank more, I would've soon forgotten everything, but it didn't. I sank my shoulders and leaned more on the counter when something warm and soft touched my cheek, but I felt too tired to look up and check what was going on.

“I've got a break in a few minutes. We can get to know each other if you want.” I immediately recognised the deep voice of the bartender, and I shivered, finally opening my eyes. We were so close that if I just talked, I would have touched his lips. 

I felt weird and tired. 

I felt fed up and angry. 

I didn't even know how to answer him. My mouth was dry from all the alcohol. 

But the silent response seemed to have satisfied him, and as he got back to serve other customers, he occasionally glanced at me, leaving me... feverish. While ordering another drink, I finally decided to sit down on the black bar stool as my body felt hot and heavy.

“I'm Liam. Nice to meet you.” The bartender was now behind me, and with a quick movement, he turned my stool to him, making me stand up and leaning my back on the black glittered counter. His eyes seemed to stand out more when the psychedelic coloured lights laid on us, but my thoughts were soon cut down when he got closer, raising my chin and kissing the sides of my neck, biting it slightly.

“H-hem, sorry but-” I stuttered, trying to push him back, but Liam held the sides of my face firmly before his soft lips crashed with mine. Without realising, his tongue squirmed and danced with mine, melting like cotton candy... But after I let him in, I felt like he was sucking something from my inside, from my very core, leaving me dazed and muffled.

I didn’t exactly know when his hands got under my clothes, touching and contemplating my damp skin, but I was aware of how I got so docile since he touched me. My head felt light, and at that stage, I already forgot about everything I have been worried about recently, especially today. 

Liam kept kissing me with passion, enhancing every brush inside our mouths with a gentle and seductive push on my body, but I had to interrupt our connection as I was out of breath. Leaning my head back, he took the opportunity to lay soft and wet kisses on my jaw and neck, bursting into a soft laugh that made me realise how my hands were holding the shirt of his back with the intent of pulling him closer.

“I don’t have much time now, but I would like to know you... better,” he confessed, caressing my hair. Holding up my chin with only a finger and ready for another passionate kiss to begin, I heard someone shouting from behind the bar: I guessed his break had finished already. 

Liam nodded to his co-worker before leaning to kiss me one last time on the lips but only superficially. His hand slid behind my back and to my butt, grasping it tightly, and I couldn't refrain but smile. Only I knew that I was confused: I couldn't talk, move, nor wake up and react to what happened. I wanted to go away, but since Liam touched me, he made my body so sensitive that it had revealed its true nature...the nature that I have been trying to avoid and suppress for all this time. 

I couldn’t be like that. I needed to move. I couldn’t be gay. I just had to tell him, and I would have been back to the right side. I just had to-

“Here, my number.” Liam slid a piece of paper in the back of my jeans “I love the colour of your eyes; you have to tell me where you bought those lenses. See you soon, cutie.” kissing and licking my lips before pulling back, he disappears, leaving me dumbfounded. The colour of my eyes?

I slowly raised my gaze from the empty place that Liam occupied before, but behind the many bodies dancing, there was one standing still and looking at me right in the eyes. 

Oh, shoot. Did he just see all of it?

Cheng started to make his way towards me by pushing aside furiously the people who were on his way. A bolt of energy strikes through me, and I immediately stumbled into making my way out of the pub, letting the cold hair slap my face and slightly waking me up. 

I couldn't face Cheng right now. If he tried one of his stupid flirting tactics, I didn’t think I could push him away, not after what happened. Not after I've especially told him that I wasn't gay, and then he found me kissing another guy.

Damn, 

I was so doomed.