Cheng was standing by the sinks, looking directly at me.

For a second, neither of us spoke. Then one corner of his mouth lifted.

That fucking smirk.

“So,” he said, folding his arms. “What exactly were you doing in there?”

Heat rushed back into my face. “None of your business.”

“I could’ve sworn I heard my name.”

“You heard wrong.”

“Mae, I was standing right here.”

“Then stop listening to people in bathroom stalls.” I tried to pass him, but he shifted into my path, close enough to stop me without touching me.

“You said Cheng.”

“I could’ve said anything.”

“You moaned it.”

“Jesus Christ. Not everyone is obsessed with you.”

His smile faltered. I should’ve stopped there. Instead, I kept digging.

“Half the university follows you around, so now everything has to be about you. Maybe you heard what you wanted to hear.”

The smirk faded, and something in his expression shifted.

“Maybe.” He stepped closer. “But I don’t think I imagined everything else.”

“What everything else?”

“You getting jealous. The way you look at me. The way you react when I touch you.”

My back nearly touched the stall door. His hand rose toward my face, stopping just beside my cheek.

For once, Cheng didn’t look smug. He looked nervous.

Cheng. Nervous.

That frightened me more than the flirting ever had.

“Mae…” His voice softened. “I think maybe you and I—”

“Don’t.”

His hand froze.

“Don’t turn this into something it isn’t.”

“Then tell me what it is.”

I couldn’t.

Minutes ago I’d been inside that stall imagining those same lips saying my name. Worse, part of me wanted him to finish.

So I did what I always did when something scared me.

I made it hurt.

“You’re my friend. That’s it.”

Something changed in his face. Even I didn’t believe me.

“Those girls at university want you. Emma probably wants you. Go enjoy all that attention instead of convincing yourself there’s something between us.” 

His jaw tightened. “Is that what this is about? Emma?”

“No.”

His eyebrows lifted.

“For fuck’s sake, Cheng.” I pushed at his chest. “Not everything revolves around you.”

He caught my wrists—not hard, just enough to keep me there.

“Then stop looking at me like you want me to kiss you.”

The air seemed to disappear between us. I forgot how to breathe.

My gaze dropped to his mouth.

Something almost hopeful flickered in his eyes.

I panicked.

“Those girls want you. I don’t. I don’t want to lose you as a friend, so just drop it.”

His fingers loosened. “Friend.”

“Yes.”

He stared at me as if giving me one last chance to take it back.

I didn’t.

“Right.” He stepped away. “Sorry. I must’ve misunderstood and thought that you…”

He stopped himself. Then that familiar smile returned, empty this time. “My bad, friend.”

The bathroom door slammed behind him.

I took one step after him before stopping.

What the hell am I doing?

Going after him to say what?

Sorry I imagined you while touching myself? Sorry I got jealous? Sorry I’m upset because you probably believed me?

“Fuck.”

I splashed cold water over my face until the heat in my skin finally started to fade, then stared at myself in the mirror.

Friend.

That was what Cheng was supposed to be. What I needed him to be.

So why did saying it feel like I’d pushed away something I desperately wanted?

Just go back.

We’d eat. Finish the evening. Tomorrow he’d annoy me, I’d insult him, and everything would return to normal.

It had to.

I dried my face and went back to the table.

Cheng was already sitting with Emma. He didn’t look at me. Not once.

Fine.

The food had arrived, so I sat down and reached for the beef. I left it on the grill for barely two seconds before pulling it off and eating hungrily. The almost-raw centre eased the ache in my stomach immediately.

At least hunger was something I understood.

“You were really hungry, I see.”

Emma smiled at me, hoping I’d join the conversation.

I kept chewing. If I hadn’t been so damn hungry, I would’ve left.

“Cheng talked a lot about you,” she said. “I’m happy I finally got to know you properly.”

I glanced at him.

Still nothing.

“Oh, did he? Weird. He doesn’t do that with all his other friends.”

A quiet snort came from Cheng.

So he was listening.

“I’ve seen you at his place plenty of times,” I told Emma. “We’ve just never really talked.”

“Well, I’m glad we all came out together.” She sounded sincere, which made it worse.

I wanted her to disappear so I could be alone with Cheng, and I hated myself a little for it.

Emma laughed when I reached for another barely seared piece. “Wouldn’t it be the same as not cooking it at all?”

I shrugged and picked up a raw slice. Before it reached my mouth, Cheng stole it with his chopsticks and dropped it onto the grill.

So now you’ve stopped ignoring me?

“Just don’t, okay?” He cooked it the way I liked, then stretched his arm across the table to feed me.

I opened my mouth. My fingers closed around his wrist without thinking.

Firm. Real.

His dark eyes finally met mine, and something in my chest loosened.

Everything was fine.

We’d fought before and always ended up pretending nothing had happened. Maybe that was why I kept provoking him.

Anger was still attention. If he was angry with me, at least he couldn’t ignore me.

I released his wrist and ordered another beer.

It arrived quickly, but Cheng stole it before I could drink.

“Can I have that back?”

He looked directly at me and finished the whole glass.

“Man, what’s wrong with—”

“Here you are!”

The waitress returned with three wine glasses and a bottle.

Cheng raised his glass.

“This is for you, Chin Mae. For all the work you’ve been putting in every day. University, everything else.” His expression softened. “Cheers.”

My irritation collapsed.

Minutes ago he’d left the bathroom looking like I’d slapped him, and now he was buying wine for me.

His brain needed to make peace with his actions.

Emma nudged my ribs. “I didn’t know you were working.”

“Actually—”

“He works for me,” Cheng cut in. “He looks after me while I’m here studying.”

Of course the little prince couldn’t let me explain.

I rolled my eyes, but there wasn’t much to hide. The pay was good, and most of what I did for him I’d already do for myself—or someone I wanted to look after.

“That’s nice! Then he’s doing an amazing job.”

“He is indeed.” Cheng winked at me over his wine.

I hated the stupid jump my stomach made. “Yeah, whatever, spoiled little prince.”

Emma laughed. Cheng followed a second later.

Despite myself, I smiled into my glass. For a while, the tension loosened.

Not forgotten. Just buried somewhere I didn’t have to touch it yet.

After dinner, one of Emma’s friends invited us to a disco pub nearby.

We hurried through the cold to an old building on a quieter street, its entrance crowded with drunk people smoking beneath the lights.

Inside, music slammed into me. Alcohol, perfume and overheated bodies thickened the air.

Students from university seemed to be everywhere, many of them orbiting Cheng as usual, desperate to impress him.

Pathetic.

The crowd swallowed us almost immediately.

I felt Cheng behind me, fingers catching the edge of my sweater whenever bodies pushed between us. Somewhere along the way I lost sight of Emma.

Then I noticed a group of girls looking our way. Well—at Cheng. Obviously.

I recognised one from university. When our eyes met, she held my gaze long enough to make her intention obvious.

My body tensed.

Why the hell am I angry?

Nobody wanted to watch their friend get used. That was all.

But judging by the rumours, Cheng hardly needed protecting.

I turned toward him. “I’m getting a drink while you have some fun,” I said near his ear, nodding toward the girls. “You have company over there.”

The bitterness in my own voice surprised me.

I stepped back.

Cheng caught me before I could leave. His arms crossed behind my neck as he moved lazily with the music, his hands sliding down my back until they settled at my hips.

My breath caught.

His lemony perfume flooded my senses. He was so close that turning my head an inch would’ve brought our cheeks together.

My body reacted before my mind could—want tangled with frustration, excitement with the need to get away, my pulse jumping everywhere his body touched mine.

“I don’t want to have fun with anyone else,” Cheng murmured into my ear.

His arms tightened. “I only want you.”

My jaw clenched.

Was I not clear enough in the bathroom?

We were drunk. Emotional. Confused.

Whatever kept happening between us was getting too close to something neither of us could call a joke anymore.

“I-I can’t.” My temple rested against his. I breathed him in again.

That only made everything worse.

I knew what he wanted.

A kiss.

And the worst part was that I wanted it too.

I just wanted him to do it first. Then I could get angry, blame him, pretend I’d only been caught in the moment.

God, I’m awful.

I wanted it without wanting responsibility for choosing it.

Cheng pulled back enough to look at me. A slow, knowing smirk appeared on his lips.

He knew. Of course he fucking knew.

He tucked his face beneath my chin, resting against my shoulder. My whole body told me to hold him.

So I did the opposite. “See you later, Cheng.” I pushed him away.

For one horrible second, I nearly reached for him again.

Instead, I left him standing alone on the dance floor.

He was my friend. And I wasn’t gay.

This was confusion. Alcohol. Loneliness. Whatever explanation let me keep breathing without asking harder questions.

Anything that didn’t require asking why I’d imagined him in that stall, or why I only want you had made my whole body ache.

I reached the bar. That was when I noticed the bartender.

Dark blond hair. White shirt, partly unbuttoned. Black trousers. Broad shoulders.

I couldn’t stop watching him.

Eventually, he turned toward me with a smile. The music swallowed most of what he said, but I understood when he placed two free shots beside my whiskey.

“Looks like you need a drink. On the house.”

His icy blue eyes held mine as we knocked back the tequila.

I forced a smile, then ordered more.

One drink became another. Then another.

I kept promising myself the next would be the last.

It was Cheng’s fault. Or so I told myself.

The girls. His hands on my hips. His perfume still trapped in my nose.

I only want you.

I drank because I wanted all of it gone. It didn’t work.

Eventually I slumped against the counter when something warm brushed my cheek.

“I’ve got a break in a few minutes,” the bartender said. “We can get to know each other, if you want.”

He was close enough that if I’d answered without moving, my lips might’ve brushed his.

I felt strange.

Tired. Fed up. Angry.

My mouth was dry, and I couldn’t decide what to say.

Apparently my silence was enough. He returned to serving customers, glancing back occasionally.

I ordered another drink and lowered myself onto a bar stool.

A few minutes later, he appeared in front of me again.

“I’m Liam. Nice to meet you.” He turned my stool toward him.

Coloured lights crossed his face, making his blue eyes unnaturally bright.

Then he stepped closer and lifted my chin. His mouth touched the side of my neck.

I stiffened.

A small bite followed.

“H-hey, sorry, but—” I tried to push him back. Liam caught my face between his hands and kissed me.

For a second, everything in my head stopped.

His mouth was soft against mine.

For the first second, I stayed rigid, too surprised to react. Then his lips moved again, slower this time, and something in me loosened. My fingers tightened against him as his tongue brushed mine, tentative at first, then deeper when I didn’t pull away.

A shiver ran through me.

I could taste alcohol on him, feel his breath against my skin, the steady pressure of his hands keeping my face tilted toward his. My pulse stumbled, and before I’d fully realised what I was doing, I’d let him in.

Then something changed.

The sensation spread too quickly beneath my skin, turning my limbs heavy and my thoughts strangely distant, as though every second of the kiss was pulling me further away from myself.

My thoughts blurred.

I couldn’t tell whether it was the alcohol, exhaustion, or something else, but I went strangely docile beneath his hands.

At some point his fingers slipped beneath my clothes, touching my heated skin.

I should’ve moved.

Instead, my head floated somewhere far from everything I’d spent the evening avoiding.

Cheng.

The bathroom.

The dance floor.

For a few seconds, all of it disappeared.

Liam kissed me again, pressing me against the glittered counter. When I broke away for air, he followed my jaw and neck with slower kisses.

That was when I realised my fists were tangled in the back of his shirt.

Not pushing.

Pulling him closer.

“I don’t have much time,” he murmured, brushing my hair back, “but I’d like to know you... better.”

Before he could kiss me again, someone shouted his name from behind the bar.

His break was over. Liam gave me one last quick kiss, then his hand slid behind me and squeezed my ass.

A stupid smile pulled at my mouth before confusion swallowed it.

I wanted to leave.

At least, I thought I did.

But since Liam had touched me, my whole body had become too sensitive, too responsive, as though it were exposing something I’d spent years trying to suppress.

I can’t be like this.

I couldn’t be gay. I only had to tell him that. Then everything would go back to the right side.

I just had to—

“Here.” Liam slipped a piece of paper into the back pocket of my jeans.

“My number.”

“I love the colour of your eyes,” he added. “You’ll have to tell me where you bought those lenses.”

My thoughts stalled.

Lenses?

“See you soon, cutie.”

He brushed his mouth against mine once more before disappearing behind the bar.

I stared after him.

The colour of my eyes?

Slowly, I raised my gaze.

Beyond the bodies moving across the dance floor, someone stood perfectly still.

Cheng. Looking directly at me.

My stomach dropped.

Oh, shit.

Did he see all of that?

Then he started toward me.

People blocked him, but Cheng shoved through with enough fury that several turned to glare.

Adrenaline cut through the alcohol. I stumbled off the stool.

I pushed through the crowd and burst outside, where freezing air slapped my face and cleared my head just enough to make everything worse.

I couldn’t face Cheng.

If he came after me and tried one of his stupid flirting games again, I wasn’t sure I could push him away.

Damn.

I was so doomed.