Chris knew that he couldn't hide what happened in Las Vegas from Eric for long. His conscience would take care of torturing him day after day, so he decided to tell him everything when he got to New York. Eric was the most understanding person in the world, if he explained that it was a moment of lack of clarity because of his heat, he would understand. Also He would not see that alpha again, it was just a fortuitous moment that wouldn't happen again.
In terms of sin, he was now seeking forgiveness, but Eric's long silence made him understand that the path to forgiveness was actually the punishment for that sin.
He was getting more and more anxious as the seconds ticked by, the silence felt worse than a noise, and his confidence was slowly dying.
“Please say something. Don't be silent,” he insisted almost with a lump in his throat.
What was worse than Eric's silence was his expressionless face. It was hard to tell if he was angry or sad, but suddenly his lips formed a barely distinguishable smile, as if he were resigned.
“What else can I tell you? It’s an omega’s nature, it was a matter of time before this happened. This just goes to show that in the end a relationship between an omega and a beta wasn’t going to get very far. Will you keep seeing that alpha?”
Chris couldn't assimilate Eric's words quickly, but after hearing his question regarding that alpha, he shook his head in despair.
“Of course not! I have already told you! It was just a one night stand… I barely knew his name… When I woke up the next morning I left without saying anything to him. Please Eric... Don't do this to me, it's hard to be an omega, it's hard not to have control of my own body when I'm in heat... especially if there's a dominant alpha around... I promise it won't happen again! As long as I'm by your side always, that will not happen again.”
“That’s the problem! You can't depend on me all the time! I'm not an alpha repellent, Chris!”
Eric closed his mouth abruptly before continuing to speak, he knew that if he didn't think before speaking he could say really hurtful words. He sighed deeply to calm himself and leaned his back against the wall looking at Chris, who was sitting on the couch looking at him almost on the verge of tears.
“I know it's hard being an omega, Chris. That’s why it is better that we part in a good way. It will not bring you anything good being with a beta, you will only feel more pressure to suppress your omega instincts.”
After holding back for quite some time, Chris started crying. It was not a loud cry; It was rather an extremely sad expression accompanied by tears falling one after another. Eric made a complicated expression when he saw him cry, but he remained firm with his words.
“Ever since I've known you, you've always had a rejection of alphas, but now, almost spontaneously, you end up sleeping with one. What if that alpha is what you really needed? We can't be sure, but he could even be your destined one…”
“Do not say foolishness!” Chris got to his feet almost abruptly and strode over to Eric. “You... I just need you.”
“I understand that you want to lie to me, but don't lie to yourself, Chris.” Eric was walking away from him slowly, trying to regain the distance they had. He couldn't speak the way he spoke to him if he was close. “I am not what you need. Even if it's not that alpha or any other... You need to get on with your life, feel proud to be an omega... Chris, you are a dominant omega, you can achieve almost anything you want.”
“I am satisfied with the life I have.”
“It's the worst thing you can do. Are you really satisfied with the life you have? Are you happy working for Time magazine in a mediocre position when you could perfectly work at The New York Times as a top columnist?”
Chris felt a lump in his throat and even stopped crying when he heard Eric mention The New York Times.
“I know about the job offer, and I also know that you don't want to accept it. Despite the popularity of your blog, Time won't even let you contribute anything. You are just a simple employee who checks what others write. And the worst thing is that you let your talent go to waste.”
“It is a very big position for me…”
Eric let out a “ha” of sarcasm.
“You know very well that it’s not like that. I know you, Chris. I know you don't accept it for me, so you would keep the equality between the two of us. But to begin with, we have never been the same, you must understand that.”
The living room was filled with profound silence. Chris was seriously analyzing the words Eric was saying to him. He couldn't deny anything, because he was right. And it was then that he felt the most guilty. Not only was he guilty of being unfaithful, but he felt guilty for making Eric feel guilty as well. If he stepped into his shoes, things seemed like Eric was a stone in the shoe to Chris, preventing him from moving on to something better.
“You know?” Eric continued. “When I met you, what I liked about you was your determination. You didn't settle for anything and you always tried to be the best, even the best among alphas. That was what I admired about you. Now that Chris only lives in my memories and partly it's my fault.”
Eric's words confirmed what Chris was thinking. Was he being selfish all this time without thinking about what Eric was feeling?
But even so, he couldn't help but want to insist further. “I'll take the job at The New York Times. So please don't leave my side.”
“No, Chris,” Eric sentenced. “If you want to move forward, you have to let go of everything that prevents you from moving forward. And I am one of those things.”
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