Seri stepped into his office the next Monday morning with a bounce to his step. He thought he’d never been so thoroughly swept off his feet. After sharing dessert with Richard that afternoon in the park, they’d stayed out and watched as the setting sun gave way to twinkling stars. When the evening grew chilly, Richard had produced a second blanket to wrap over Seri as he cuddled close against Richard’s warmth.
They stayed out late, swapping stories and a few kisses. Richard had insisted on accompanying Seri back to his apartment, but had stepped inside with him just long enough to kiss Seri breathless in the foyer before he took his leave.
Now, sitting at his computer, Seri felt warmed by the memory. Richard had promised to tell him when their next date would be later in the week, and Seri couldn’t wait to find out what they’d be doing. He could barely remember why he’d felt such an urge to control every little aspect of his life. I should have asked Richard to take over years ago. Seri shook his head and regretfully turned his thoughts towards work. There was still the usual mountain of work to tackle, and, humming slightly under his breath, Seri got to work.
--
Later that day, Seri’s thoughts had once again slipped back to warm kisses in a chilly evening as he sat through a weekly directors meeting.
“…Seri?”
He jerked slightly in his seat and looked up at the senior director who was peering over his glasses at him. “Ah, sorry sir, could you repeat that?”
“I was asking if you had a chance to deliver the cost analysis for the Crow Street project?”
Seri’s stomach lurched. The report! He had promised to deliver those figures by that morning, and had completely forgotten. Seri opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Get it together! He tried again.
“Ah, of course sir. There’s been a slight delay on that report – would sometime this evening be okay?”
The director nodded amiably, “Of course, of course! Just email it over when you have it. Now, moving on…”
The rest of the meeting washed over Seri as he sat numbly and wished he could run back to his office. A late report. Late! Seri had forged his reputation on always delivering early, and now he had forgotten a promise he’d made weeks ago. He silently cursed the good spirits he’d enjoyed all morning.
Maybe if I wouldn’t have had my head in such a cloud, I wouldn’t have forgotten that report! I had plenty of this time to finish it this morning, but I just had to be daydreaming again. When Seri finally returned to his office, he saw that Richard had already set out his lunch. Seri pushed it aside and began typing. I’ll get to lunch right after I make a good start on this…
--
Seri had just sent the documents that evening when Richard entered his office with a cup of coffee.
“Good evening sir! I thought you could use…” Richard trailed off. “Sir? Are you feeling okay?” Seri looked up guiltily and then glanced at his still uneaten lunch.
“Ah, well, no, I mean, uh… everything’s fine. I guess I just got caught up in something…”
Richard’s smile was replaced by a worried expression. “It’s not healthy to skip meals, you know. What would we do if our fearless leader became ill? What would I do?”
Seri accepted the cup of coffee and took a small sip. “Don’t worry, don’t worry. It was just today. I promise.”
Richard’s gaze lingered a moment longer before his smile returned. “Excellent! Now let me go reheat your lunch for you and you can get caught up!”
Seri took several deep breaths after Richard bustled out. That’s right. Everything is fine. Just one little slip. There’s nothing to worry about. Seri promised himself he’d just be a little more cautious at checking his many to-do lists. Nothing to lose sleep over…
--
By Friday morning, as Seri tiredly collapsed into his chair, he knew that he’d once again lied to himself. He had started by spending most of Monday night tossing in bed as he worried about what other deadlines he might be forgetting. The next day, Seri decided to put in some extra work to make sure he could rest easy that evening. That had unfortunately not left Seri with any free time for frivolous tasks such as eating or taking breaks, and although he collapsed into bed that night in an exhausted haze, he again tossed and turned until morning, haunted by anxieties.
Seri had a suspicion that the bags under his eyes must be making him look as frazzled as he felt. He knew his worries were irrational, but pushing himself to complete more and more was the only thing that helped ease the simmering anxiety that haunted his thoughts.
True, it was less like “ease” and more like “temporarily mute,” but he had fallen into this pattern before. From past experience, he estimated he’d need another week at least to return the churning rapids of his mind to a placid sea. His happy thoughts at the beginning of the week seemed like a distant memory. It’s what I get for letting my concentration slip.
That evening, Richard entered his office with a brief knock, but this time wasn’t carrying the usual cup of coffee. Seri spared him just a quick glance before returning to his report. Better not to get distracted.
“Sir?”
Seri grunted.
Richard stepped around until he was standing beside Seri at his desk. He gently swiveled Seri’s chair around until Seri was forced to stop and look up at Richard.
“Sir. We’re all worried about you.”
“Me? I’m fine. I’d just like to get some more work done.”
“Sir. Seri. You’ve been working nonstop all this week. I think you’ve finished enough. At least have something to eat. People are getting worried you’re going to collapse from exhaustion.”
Seri tried to swivel his chair back, but Richard held on. “Richard, I said I’m fine. Now please, enough with the distractions.”
“Please, Seri. I can see that you’re anxious. We all can. Please let us help you. I promise everything is all right.”
Seri’s heart sped a little faster at the concern in Richard’s eyes, but he angrily shoved the emotion down. Letting his heart take control was what had caused this mess in the first place. Better to avoid any more of that at least until after his next promotion.
Richard reached forward to cup Seri’s cheek, but Seri knocked his hand away before it made contact. “Richard, if you’re just going to stand here distracting me, I’d rather you just leave.” No. Please don’t go.
Richard’s eyes widened slightly and he took a step back. Seri could see the hurt in his eyes. No, I’m sorry, I take it back.
“Sir, please. We’re concerned. I’m concerned. I just want you to be happy. Your entire life doesn’t need to be your work, you know.”
“And how do you think I got here? Enjoying myself? It was hard work that got me here, and it’s hard work I need to concentrate on. Now please leave me alone. You’re a distraction I don’t need right now.” No, I do need you. Please stay.
Richard took another step back, the hurt showing plainly across his face. “Sir, I only want you to be happy. Perhaps if I’m bothering you that much, I’ll take a few days off. Give you your space. If that’s what really would help you?” Seri’s heart hurt at the hope he still saw in Richard’s eyes.
“Yes, that’s fine. Now, goodnight Richard.” Seri finally turned back to his computer, and he barely heard the click of his office door closing as Richard quietly stepped out.
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