Dashiell refused to leave his room when he came back to the castle. He wanted to be left alone for a while. Both Averet and Erat had protested against it at first, but Dashiell promised them, that he was fine. “We are just outside the door!” Erat had said as he gave Dashiell a concerned look.
They had no reason to be concerned. He just wanted to be alone. To enjoy the silence and the feeling of being on his own.
He was lying on his bed, eyes closed and an arm resting over them. The only sounds around him were the sound of his own breathing. He tried to focus on that and the feeling of his heart beating in his chest, but thoughts would always disturb it. “I know what you are”, “Whore!”, “You have no home!”, “Whore”, “Come on captain, have some fun, you can fuck him too if you want… he likes it!”, “Whore”, “you can’t rape a fucking slut”. Every single voice of every single person, who’d ever hurt him, was haunting him as soon as he was alone. “I’m a fucking person too.” He whispered to himself as he began to cry. “I didn’t ask to be born. I didn’t have a choice.” He said as he sat up in the bed and leaned his back against the headboard. “I’m just broken.” He took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes hard to stop the tears from running. There was a knock on the door, but he didn’t answer. He couldn’t find his voice. The door opened and Erat came through and when he saw that Dashiell was crying he hurried to his side and laid an arm around him. The touch shocked Dashiell a bit. Erat wasn’t exactly the touchy type, or at least he didn’t think so.
“You can talk to me about it, you know.” He said and stroked his back gently.
“I wouldn’t even know where to begin.” He sighed and pulled away.
“Start with where it all began.” Dashiell looked at him with big eyes. He had never talked to anyone about his past and for a lot of good reasons. He didn’t know if he would be able to go through those memories again without breaking.
“You don’t want to hear about it.” He whispered
“Yes, I do.” He tried to catch Dashiell’s eyes, but he kept avoiding his gaze. “You’ll never heal unless you talk about it.”
Dashiell didn’t know why it happened, but he just began talking, and he couldn’t stop. It was as if his brain had shut down and he was talking through his heart.
“My parents never wanted me. I was a mistake and they made sure that I knew that. That was all they ever told me.” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “We were poor… really poor, so my dad decided to use me to get money. I was five when it began.” He could feel Erat looking at him. He opened his eyes to see that Erat’s hands were clenched to fists and anger was shining from his eyes. He didn’t stop. He couldn’t. “Whenever someone had visited me doing the night I would cry. Sometimes my dad would beat me up, yelling at me to shut up, or my mother would look at me with disgust in her eyes ‘Don’t cry! It’s the only thing you can do right!’ She would say before turning her back on me… they were letting men into my room. I know that they could hear me scream, but they ignored it. They didn’t care that these men were hurting me.” His heart was hurting more than ever. He had never been forced to relive those memories until now, and know he could shake the disgusting pictures out of his head. “When I turned 11 my mother died of sickness. My father blamed me and I don’t know why. He had had enough of me and decided to try to kill me. He attacked me one day and tried to stab me, but I managed to escape. So, I ran away and never looked back.” He took another deep breath and starred out into the thin air.
“Dashiell… I’m sorry to hear all of that.” Erat said. He sounded angry and sad. Dashiell smiled at him.
“It’s a long time ago now. I just have to move on. That’s why I never talk about it. And my mom was kind of right. It’s the only thing I can do right… I fuck everything else up.”
“You’re wrong,” Erat said as he stood up.
“What?”
“You’re wrong.” He repeated “It’s not the only thing you can do! You just haven’t been free enough to find out what you can do.”
“I don’t think I ever will.” He sighed “I still have to let people fuck me. The only difference is that I don’t have to do it for the money anymore.” He looked Erat in the eyes “I have to do it to survive.”
“You’ll find your way.”
“Maybe one day. Now I just have to survive.” Dashiell said with a little shrug.
Erat just nodded before leaving the room. Dashiell was glad to be alone again, and Erat knew that too which was why he left without a word. Erat knew that Dashiell was right. It was all about survival, but Dashiell wondered if this was even something he wanted to survive.
No one disturbed him for the rest of the night and Dashiell managed to cry himself to sleep.
When he woke up the next morning Averet was sitting on the chair opposite his bed looking at him with a smile on his lips.
“Good morning.” He said.
“Morning,” Dashiell mumbled and rubbed his eyes. They felt dry and sore after crying so much. He knew his eyes must be swollen and red, and he felt like shit. “When do I leave for today?” He asked, not really interested in the answer.
“We are not going anywhere today!” Averet said with a smile.
“Really?”
“Yes. Today, we’ll start some of your training.” Averet said as he stood up again. “So get up and get dressed.” He crossed the room towards the door.
“Training?” Dashiell said, confused
“You need to build up some muscles and then when you’re ready, I’m going to teach you how to use a sword,” Averet said. He left the room and closed the door behind him before Dashiell had any chance to protest. He didn’t really feel like working out. His back was still sore, and he most definitely didn’t want to learn how to use a damn sword!
He threw himself back on the bed and sighed loudly. “At least it’s better than the brothel,” he mumbled to himself, rubbing his eyes hard. He shook his head and got out of bed. Normally he would take a bath, but that would be a stupid idea since he’ll end up sweating his ass off doing training.
He had a feeling that he would end up making a fool of himself and he couldn’t have been more right.
Averet was waiting for him in the courtyard together with Anselet. Great, now I’ll make a fool out of myself in front of two people. He walked up to them, and they both smiling big at him.
“Are you ready?” Averet asked with a big grin on his face.
“No! I’d prefer to stay in bed actually.” He crossed his arms over his chest and stared at the two guards in front of him. “Well?”
“Do you know how to fight?” Anselet asked. Dashiell had never heard his voice before. He was actually surprised that he even had one. He thought that he might have lost his tongue or something when he was younger, and it surprised him that he was the one asking the question.
“No, I have no idea how to fight.” He answered, raising an eyebrow at him.
“Have you ever been in a fight?” Anselet continued. Wow, two questions from the mute guy! I feel honored! Dashiell couldn’t help but laugh a bit at his own thought before shaking his head.
“Yes, I’ve been in fights before.” he said “But I always lose, so I don’t really think you can call it a real fight! More like someone hitting me and then me running away.” Averet laughed and shook his head at him.
“Would you be able to run?” Averet asked
“I don’t know, it’s not really something I do often.” He shrugged. He didn’t really like working out, but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to charm his way out of it.
They started out easy, but Dashiell still did a terrible job. Averet would laugh a lot and Anselet would shake his head reluctantly while squeezing the bridge of his nose. To Dashiell annoyance, he was already out of breath after the first 5 minutes. He didn’t feel like he was in such bad shape until now. He was able to do a lot of things in bed, but this training was killing him. “Push yourself!” Anselet would say every time Dashiell collapsed on the ground, trying to catch his breath. His back was aching, and he felt like he needed a really long bath. Anselet was annoyed with him and Averet just enjoyed the show with a big grin on his face. “Fuck you!” Dashiell had yelled when he’d fallen and Averet had laughed so much, that it brought tears to his eyes. “Sorry, but it just looked really funny.” Dashiell would give anything to be able to fight, just for a moment, so he could kick Averet’s ass.
After almost two hours of total humiliation, Averet finally called it a day.
“Well,” Anselet said, looking at Dashiell who was soaked in sweat, still out of breath “You could’ve been worse.”
“No, I don’t really think that it’s possible for anyone to be worse than that!” Averet said and clapped Dashiell’s shoulder.
“I hate you so much,” Dashiell said, trying to get his breathing under control.
Even though it was hard Dashiell had had a lot of fun, not that he would ever admit that to Averet though. He began to think about how awesome he would look when he kicked someone’s ass one day. Or when he won his first swordfight. Guess it’s not as bad after all! He thought to himself as he walked back towards his room. He needed a bath, and then he needed a long nap. His whole body was hurting, not in a bad way, aside from his back which hurt like hell and he felt exhausted.
“Are you okay?” Averet said as he came running up beside him.
“No! this was torture.” Dashiell sighed
“No, it’s training.” he answered with a smile, “I think torture is a bit worse than that.’’
“Speak for yourself! I’ve been through both now and it feels pretty similar!”
“I personally thought it was hilarious.” Averet said and laid his arm around Dashiell’s shoulders “You were so elegant.”
“Shut your face.” He snared and pushed his arm away from him.
“I’m serious! And I don’t know how you managed to fall while standing completely still, but it looked beautiful.”
“Have I ever told you how much I hate you?” Dashiell said with a blush.
“Yeah, a couple of times! But I know it’s not true.”
“If you keep teasing me like that, it will be!”
“Cheer up, Dashiell. One day you might end up being good at it. Though I have to admit that I have my doubts after today.”
Dashiell growled at him and punched him in the arm.
“Okay, sorry! I’ll stop.” Averet laughed.
“You know; I liked you way better before I got to know you.” Dashiell began to walk faster, to get away from him and his teasing.
“I’m sorry.” He said and grabbed his arm to stop him. “I’ll be nice to you.” He was still grinning like an idiot and Dashiell just shook his head and kept walking. “But jokes aside, how is your back doing?”
“It hurts a lot right now. But it’s okay. I think it’s healing pretty well.”
“It takes time! But I’ll have a look at it when we get back to your room. We need to apply some ointment anyway.” Dashiell was about to open his mouth but Averet interrupted him before he had a chance to speak. “And no! I’m not flirting with you, and I’m not doing it just so I have an excuse to touch you.”
“I was just about to ask you if we were going to work out again tomorrow.” He laughed, which was a lie of course.
“Oh,” Averet said, cheeks turning slightly red.
“But since you brought it up yourself, I do believe that you’re just looking for an excuse to touch me. We all know that you have a crush on me anyway.” He said with a big smile on his face, which just made Averet turn redder. Ha! Who is the awkward idiot now! He thought. “But I will take a bath first so I can be all fresh and pretty before you, so happily, put your hands on me.”
“I’m seriously considering throwing your back in a cell.”
“Is that one of your kinks?” he said with a wink. “You can tie me up and everything too if that’s what’s making you horny.”
“Dashiell!” He wailed, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“What? I’m just trying to be nice.” Dashiell shrugged. Averet ignored him the rest of the way to his room, before ordering him to take a bath and keep his mouth shut.
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