Something soft was tickling at Cameron’s nose. That was the first thing he noticed upon groggily waking, dark tresses brushing along his skin. Ice blue eyes cracked open blearily, a groan leaving his lips. Too early… it was too goddamn early. His head felt as though someone was jackhammering away at it- God, he was never drinking that much again.

“Nhhh…. Stop being so loud and go back to sleep..” A low, quiet voice came from the body in front of him. It was a grouchy little huff, and Cameron’s eyes widened as he realized exactly who he was holding. Aleksi!? He scoured his brain for a long moment, pieces soon falling into place. Fuck.

Oh fuck.

Okay, go through it slowly. He had gotten drunk on cocktails he hadn’t thought would hit as hard as they had. He and Aleksi had danced and…

Flashes of drunken kisses and desperately clinging fingers, of the taste of cigarette smoke and the sharp, sweet tang of alcohol burst into his mind. His arms tightened around the younger man reflexively, face burying back into the nape of his neck. “Sorry…” He mumbled quietly, mind racing. “Go back to sleep, Leks. I’ll be quiet.” What would be the best way to deal with this?

He could always just pretend he didn’t remember a thing. Aleksi had said that after all, hadn’t he? That Cameron wasn’t likely to remember a damned thing? Yes, that was certainly the best option, all things considered. Emily’s face came to mind, guilt washing over Cameron thoroughly. It really wasn’t fair what he was doing to her, was it? He cared for her, truly he did… but he was never going to be in love with her, and he knew that.

Still, he couldn’t afford to admit that he was never going to be properly happy with her, or any other woman for that matter. It was alright. It wasn’t as though he was unhappy. It was comfortable, content. But it was nothing like the burning heat of slender fingers in his hair, of emerald eyes all but piercing him, a lithe body pressed to his own. Of feverish kisses shared the night before.

What are you doing to me, Leksi? I never had to face any of this until you came crashing into my life. I never needed more than what I had, don’t think I even let myself consider it an option. But here you are, and you’re… beautiful. Something about you makes me ache.

It was a dangerous game he was playing. It wasn’t even as though he could really blame Aleksi for what had happened. He had been the one to kiss the younger man. It had been his hands running as though they were on autopilot to draw the other closer. His lips that had left the marks now marring the smooth column of golden skin.

Trembling fingers lifted, running along the silken skin, thumb caressing along violet blossoms, careful not to wake the other. He could spare himself a few moments, he decided, nuzzling his face back into the sleeping mans nape, brushing a soft kiss there. When he woke up once more, he would face the day and bury all that had happened. It wasn’t as though it meant anything to Aleksi anyways. And why should it? He was breathtaking, an impish little angel sent to Earth with the explicit purpose of driving men crazy. He could have anyone he wanted, anyone at all.

Cameron’s head still pounded, confused and tilted, every ounce of light filtering into the room near excruciating. A problem to be dealt with for when he woke up again, he decided. He shifted to tug Aleksi back further into him, shutting his eyes once more.

He couldn’t let this happen again. It wasn’t fair on Emily- and oh God, he’d cheated on her, hated himself for it. It wasn’t fair on Aleksi either. But he was human, and selfish. The thought of distancing himself from the man in his arms now that they had finally started connecting felt like torture. He could handle it. He could just… control himself. Yeah, that was what he would do. Bury everything deep, just like he’d done every day for the past twelve years. Let himself have this moment, and then never let himself think about it again.

But the thought of never holding Aleksi the way he was right now, never waking to the scent of cinnamon and vanilla that seemed to follow the other, to chocolate curls tickling his nose and soft skin beneath his lips sent an ache, palpable and intense, shooting somewhere deep within him that he couldn’t- no, wouldn’t- pinpoint.

A troubled sigh escaped him as he nuzzled back in, adjusting the blanket over them gently. Eyes shut tight, as Cameron slipped back into a fitful sleep.