The front door swings open to reveal a beaming Jackie “well look what the cat dragged in!” She puts her arms around both of our shoulders, squeezing us into a hug.

“Hey, Jackie - happy birthday!” She plants a kiss on my cheek, taking a step back from Laurence and me. “Thanks babes!” She gestures behind her. “Lets have some fun, shall we!”

I bite my lip and glance at Laurence. He looks as nervous as me. Funny. Didn’t think he'd be anxious at parties. I reach out and pat his hand.

“Hey, are you ok? You look scared shitless.” Laurence takes my hand and squeezes it gently. “Not a big party fan, that’s all. C’mon, let’s go say hi to Jamie.” I nod and let him lead me to the lime green head of hair across the room.

There’s so many people that I can barely see Laurence right in front of me. Good thing we’re already holding hands. Getting lost isn’t on my to-do list for tonight.

After greeting Jamie, Laurence and I head outside, where there are fewer people. Before we reach the door however, someone walks in to Laurence, spilling his drink down Laurence’s shirt.

“Shit, sorry man” the guy walks past us and disappears into the crowd of people dancing and chatting. “Ugh that alcohol is so pungent. Are you ok?” I glance up at Laurence.

He’s anything but ok.

His bright blue eyes are sharper, heightened by panic, his breathing quick and irregular. “Hey hey what’s wrong? Are you ok?” I lead him outside, rubbing circles into his hand with my thumb.

Breaking through the throng of people, the cold air outside stabs at the back of my throat, the silence allowing me to hear Laurence on the verge of hyperventilation. Spotting a bench, I take him to it, sitting him down, then sitting next to him.

“It’s ok, you’ll be ok.” Bringing his head down to my shoulder, he clutches me to him, shaking. What did he do when I had a panic attack? How can I help him?

I speak soothingly into his ear, rubbing his back gently and stroking his hair. “Laurence, you’ll be ok.” Slowly, his breathing rate slows and his shaking lessens. He doesn’t let go of me.

I continue running my hand through his hair, until he speaks. “It’s alcohol. I can’t stand the smell of it.” Oh. I should’ve never made him come to this party.

When I don’t say anything, he continues. “My mum used to be an alcoholic. She never got violent or anything, luckily, but she never spoke to me.” Laurence draws in a shaky breath.

I twirl an electric curl through my fingers. “She was always so sad. My dad left us when I was 10, and after that, my mum turned to drinking and in turn, began ignoring me.”

It breaks my heart that Laurence was neglected like this. He loosens his grip a little on my shirt, but continues holding me to him.

“I was so used to the smell of alcohol that even when I moved out a couple years ago, whenever I’d smell it again, it’d give me a panic attack. Pretty sure I just associate it with being lonely, at this point.” His hand twitches where it holds my shirt.

“That was when I started taking drugs - bad decision. It made me feel worse in the long run, but it helped take the edge off the loneliness I was feeling; made me feel less in general.”

I hug him tighter. “You’re not alone anymore, Laurence. I’ll always be here for you - I’m like a gnarly barnacle that won’t let go.” Laurence laughs, but his usually bright tone is misted with sadness.

“Thanks, Asher. That means a lot” he pulls away and locks eyes with me. “Really, it does” he smiles shyly, and in that moment, I lose control of my body. I want to kiss him.

I lean forward and peck him on the lips. It’s short, and I pull away almost immediately. “Sorry. For doing that when you’re in the middle of explaining something really serious.”

I bite my lip and peer up at him, his gaze catching mine. “Thank you, for telling me, by the way. That must have been really hard to do.” Laurence nods, closing his eyes.

“It felt good to tell you, though.” He opens his eyes, smirking a little. “A certain something else felt good too” he taps his lips, and the blood rushes to my face.

“Um, well, I just- I don’t know, I wanted to kiss you, ok?!” I turn away from his laughing face, although I feel grateful that I made him laugh.

Laurence pulls me into a hug, still chuckling. “Thanks, Ash. For everything.”