28..29..30.

Right, I think that’ll do. Why am I so nervous? Was it because I accidentally put my alarm on? That’s a bit stupid, it’s just a noise. How could one thing affect me so much? I wonder.

Sometimes, when I just sit down and ‘relax’, I go into a world of thoughts. And every so often, I realise how fucking stupid I am.

I don’t even mean it as a thing of making my self-esteem worse. I’m just really, really dumb. I mean, yeah dropping out of school wasn’t because of my grades. But one thing is for sure, I’m pretty dense. Not all of the time, but usually. It’s been that way for a while now. It occasionally takes me some time to realise things.

Another boring day today, with nothing to do. Maybe I should eat? I only had lunch yesterday and it’s almost lunch now. I think I should eat something, but I’m not hungry. Is this what Damien meant when he told me that I’ll get lazy if I lived by myself? Probably.

I was going to stuff my head into my pillow and scream my pains away but then heard a sudden ‘ding’ from my phone because I got a message. That at least distracted me.

After I picked up my phone and looked at it, I saw that Claire messaged me. It’s not like there’s anything wrong with this, but we don’t usually message each other. And it's already 7pm. I just ignored that fact and opened it.

‘Hey August. Sorry for messaging so randomly but is it alright if I come over? I know you’re not that big of a fan when it comes to people entering your apartment so I completely understand if you’re not comfortable.’

I thought this was odd. She’s right, I’m not a big fan when people come here, not like anyone actually does. But then why would she message me? Wait, did something happen? Claire wouldn’t just message me for no reason. Something definitely happened.

‘No, it’s okay. You can come over, I don’t mind.’

‘Really? Thanks so much! You’re the best. And I kind of have some beer with me, that okay?’

‘Sure.’

‘Thanks.’

That proved my theory, Claire hardly ever drinks beer, or anything with alcohol. From what she’s told me. And neither do I. Not because I dislike it but because I’m terrible with liquor and an extreme lightweight. But, I don’t have much of a problem with drinking other than that.

. . .

Now it was just me and her. She just came in and we sat down on my couch. But she didn’t say anything besides thanking me for saying she could come here.

“I’m really sorry for suddenly asking you something like this. I just didn’t really want to stay there any longer.”

It went silent once again after that.

“Something happened, right?”

“Well.. you could say that. I’ll explain everything, but can we speak while having a drink. A part of me doesn’t really want to remember much tomorrow.”

“All right then.”

“Want one? I have a few.”

I gave it a quick thought. “Yeah, sure. Why not.” I said while she smiled a bit and threw me a beer from the other side of the couch.

She threw over a bottle opener as well and after a few sips, I decided to break the silence.

“Jared?”

“..Yeah.. he cheated on me again.”

“What the fuck? Did you do anything about it?”

“No, not really. I did confront him, although that didn’t do much.”

“Did he hurt you?”

“No.. almost, but I got away.”

She went quiet after that, and looked down at her beer and continued drinking from it. But I wasn’t doing the same. I’m actually a bit mad. Not at Claire, but him. He doesn’t deserve her, at all. She’s so nice and honestly everywhere she goes, she has a positive attitude. I hate what she’s going through. I don’t usually bother with another’s business, but at this point it’s just pissing me off.

“Claire. Break up with him.”

She immediately looked up at me, and it looked like she was surprised, or..shocked?

“..What are you saying? I can’t do that. I still love him..” even though her voice went quieter, I still heard it.

“Do you really?”

It went silent again. For the first time, I wasn’t the one to break eye contact. She just kept staring at her drink, not looking at anything else. I wish I could do something, but I don’t know what.

“..I do..”

That’s hard to believe. I’m sure she does love him, but probably a lot less than when they first became a couple. Claire was already moving on to her second beer, where I hadn’t even gotten halfway with my first one.

“But, it’s just scary. I’m sure..that maybe, one day he’ll go back to who he was in the past. Before everything went downhill.”

This time I didn’t know what to say, how do I respond to that?

“Claire, it’s going to be okay.. I promise.”

After I said that, she looked away from her beer and up at me. Before smiling in a way that hurt me so much. A smile with pain hidden behind it.

“Yeah, I hope.”