I know that I’m sick but mommy doesn’t want me to think about it. But I’m turning six next week and I really want to tell her that I’m a big boy now and I’ll understand if she tells me that I’m not normal like any other kids—she just has to tell me and I’ll understand.

Maybe if I tell her that I understood, they will let me out of the house.

“Young Master, what are you doing here?”

I smile at my babysitter. She’s worried that I always stay here in the balcony. There’s nothing much to see really but I love seeing the people passing by our gates. They look so happy and sometimes, I want to be just like them. Walking freely on the streets and smiling like that.

I went with her inside, it’s time for Physics.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Mommy and dad just came back from their business trip and when I asked my babysitter, they should be here by now with my uncle, dad’s younger brother. I’m excited to let them know that I excelled all my subjects again—maybe they will let me out now! That’s what parents do in the movies, right? They give what their child wants as long as he did good on his academics?

“You know that he is an exceptional kid! He’s smarter than any 18-year old! He’ll understand!”

I didn’t even move a single step towards dad’s office when I heard uncle’s voice shouting like that. I had to leave. Mommy always say that it isn’t good to eavesdrop, especially when it’s the adults who are having their conversation.

But I couldn’t. I couldn’t move a single step.

“He’s still a child!” That was dad.

I can hear uncle’s frustrated sigh. “That’s what I’ve been telling you! Bright is still a child—he deserves to go out like any normal child and enjoy his childhood! You’re taking that away from him!”

“He’s dying and you know that!”

I feel like someone stabbed me in the heart like what those bad guys do to their victims in the novels. Is this possible? Am I going to die from this heart ache? Am I going to be able to remove this imaginary knife off my chest?

“He is not dead yet! He’s alive and he deserves to enjoy his life with all the remaining time of it!”

I can hear mom sobbing. I also want to cry but I’m a big boy now, mommy wouldn’t want me to cry.

“It will never be good for the business…”

“Magnus!” It was mom.

“Take that back, Magnus, or I’ll swear to God—”

“What do you want me to do?! That kid is slowly dying from the inside, we all know this! His heart and lungs along with his other organs will fail him and someday, just like that, he will die! This isn’t all about his life now! All of your lives are dependent on him especially the business!”

I can hear a loud thud; someone threw a punch. Mom is screaming telling them to stop fighting.

“Fuck you, Magnus! We’re talking about your own child!”

“It’s none of your goddamn concern now, Marcus! It’s the board, and even our own father, that will not approve of me having a dying child! They needed me to produce an heir and if they know that I already have one and he is dying—they are going to overthrow me! Everyone knows that Aileen can only have one child!”

“M-Magnus… s-stop…”

“That’s why you kept him hidden. This isn’t only about his disease nor for the fact that you want to take care of him. This isn’t about keeping him safe in here…”

“I have to do what I have to do.”

“Aileen? Don’t tell me…?”

“I-I’m s-s-sorry… I’m sorry… M-Marcus, w-we don’t h-have a choice…”

“Wow.”

Long silence. Nobody spoke and all I can hear was mom’s sobbing.

Then uncle spoke again. “I’ve never been ashamed in my entire life. I can’t believe that I call you my family.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“You heard it, didn’t you?”

I smiled at my uncle. “Heard what, uncle?” I move to sit with him, he has a big present wrapped in a nice paper. I try to ignore his wounded fist, maybe from punching dad. “Is this my gift? You haven’t even greeted me.”

“Bright.”

I look at him. I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want to be a big baby, I’m a big boy now! But I don’t really know what to tell my eyes so they wouldn’t let the tears out.

“Oh, kiddo…”

Uncle carries me and I cry and cry and cry. My heart hurts and my eyes too. I never liked crying. It makes it harder for me to breathe. I don’t know how long I was crying for but uncle just let me until I fallen asleep.

When I woke up again, uncle with my babysitter and all the housekeepers where here to surprise me for my birthday. They really prepared a cake and lots of foods! This is the first time we ever celebrated my birthday like this. They even sang a song. I’m so happy!

“Do you wish your mom and dad to be here?”

I smile and shake my head. “They’re busy on their business trip again, uncle. I know it’s more important.”

He sighs but then smiles, too. “Okay, how about this? Tell me what you really want and I’ll give you that as my real present?”

I didn’t even have to think hard about it. “I want to go outside, uncle.”

He chuckles and nods. “Okay. If tomorrow is a good day, we will go out. Is that okay?”

I know it’s going to be the best day of my life!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“It’s your brother’s seventh birthday, kiddo, aren’t you going down?”

I smile and shrug. I didn’t want to stop playing my guitar but it’s uncle so I set aside it. “We didn’t have to come back here, dad.”

He smiles, too, upon hearing me call him dad. I know he likes it whenever I do that.

My biological parents have found their solution and is now living happily with their son. I, on the other hand, has been secretly and legally adopted by Uncle Marcus and now I am living as his son. It was easy, Uncle Marcus just said I am his love child from the woman he met one night and left me to him when I was born. There isn’t a problem about that, I can just say that it’s a win-win situation for everyone. We could have just stayed in Canada and never return but they insisted that we come to their son’s birthday.

What for? I don’t know. They can’t even look me in the eyes so what’s the point of me being here? To remind me more of the fact of what they did to me?

“Bright, you can’t always use that ‘dad’ card on me. Come out, even just for a while. I promise you that this is the last time I’ll ask you to do this for me.”

I can’t hide my grin. “You’re evil.”

“I’ll never miss the chance to show them how fucked-up they are and I will always be here to love you as my son. You’re alive and well—it’s the biggest slap on their faces. Now, come on.”

That’s not entirely true and we both know that. I’m alive, yes, but I’m not well. I’m still dying and I know my insides are barely holding on. It’s a miracle that I can still be like this but this isn’t for every day. I am already bed ridden most of my days. If I’ll be unluckier for the day, machines have to help me breathe and will keep me alive. Sometimes I just want to meet the grim reaper and just tell him to make up his mind already and take me. That indecisive fucker doesn’t have to play with us like this.

This hotel is still mine, according to uncle. I don’t even know why they chose this to be the venue for their son’s birthday, they own a lot of other hotels like this. I don’t know anymore what could be running through their minds.

“Uncle Marcus! Cousin Bright!”

The little kid came running towards us. Uncle carries him but the kid wanted me to carry him instead.

“Please, please, please! It’s my first time finally meeting you!”

I looked at uncle and he just raised his eyebrow at me. Sighing, I took the kid from him. This kid is as mischievous as he looks, he immediately found his way to ruffle my hair and giggle like an evil. Uncle only laughs at us.

“Bright…”

I turn to whoever spoke and I was right. It’s mother. I smiled at her. “Hello, Auntie Aileen.”

I immediately saw the pain in her eyes. She couldn’t look at me anymore and proceeded to talking to uncle. I wanted to bring this kid down but he seems to have a connection with my hair. Then it was my real father’s turn to be here.

“Marcus, B-Bright.”

I look at him straight to the eyes. “Good evening, Uncle Magnus. Did grandpa already tell you?”

“T-Tell me what?”

I can even see how Uncle Marcus is hiding his smile but I didn’t hide mine. “He visits me every now and then, I thought he might have told you by now.” This time, I gave my mother her younger son before proceeding. “I think he quite got the liking of me and is planning to make me the one next in line for the sole ownership of the family’s main business. I think that’s the one you’re managing today, right? I’m just thirteen now, though. It’ll be five more years before he gives me everything.”

With that said, I walked out. I don’t even care with father’s outburst to my uncle. They can have that shitty conversation on their own. My uncle—no, the only real father that I have—can handle himself.

I just want to escape. I want to leave but I don’t really know where to do. I just—

“Ahh!”

Out of the things that could happen, I bumped into someone and hit my head with his. It hurts!

“Ow…” He said, massaging his forehead.

I thought he’s going to bad-mouth me but instead, when he saw sitting on the floor like him, he immediately stood up to help me get up too. I accepted his help.

He then laughs. “I’m sorry, I didn’t see you. I was just excited to see the pool on the rooftop.”

This guy. His voice, his laugh, his smile. I know him. I know him!

“Ahmm…” He scratches his nape. “Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself that much? You’re staring…”

I didn’t know I was and then I just laugh. Why does my ears feel hot? “I’m sorry. Must be a little shocked.”

“Do you want me to bring you ice? Or do you want to lie down first? Should we call someone for first aid?”

The kid from the playground seven years ago. The kid he gave me the best time of my life. The kid that I kissed. The kid named Win.

I ignored all his frantic questions. “You said about the rooftop pool?”

He looks taken aback by my change of topic but he smiles again. “Yeah. I heard it has the best view of the city lights.”

I want to come with him but I know lungs are on their limit. I have to lie down. I have to tell Uncle Marcus. I have to…

Someone called him and he gave them a quick answer by saying he’ll be with them.

“I need to go. Are you sure you don’t need anything?”

I can only nod and then he left.

My heart hurts but from happiness. I’m happy to see Win again.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Oh, yes, I remember him. I also remember how you said his name countless of times as if trying to remember how it feels when you say it.”

It’s my twenty-first birthday tomorrow and to be honest, I didn’t know I’ll last long to tell Dad Marcus all of my secrets and he deserves to know all of them. Or at least I know I want him to know about them, to tell someone that all of them really happened to me and I have them.

“We can…”

I know he wanted to say he can make me meet Win again.

I chuckle but I had to breathe deeply again because it. Damn it. I can’t even laugh without dying. I’m just glad they didn’t put the oxygen mask or I will not be able to speak. “W-We c-can’t, pops.”

He laughs hearing me call him “pops” and that made me smile.

It’s my birthday tomorrow and I shouldn’t be like this. I shouldn’t be connected to these machines. I just needed to be strong one last time so my dad will not be sad like this. That he didn’t have to blame himself for something that he can’t do anything about.

Fuck the grim reaper for choosing the worst time to take me. He could just take me after my birthday but I feel myself slowly dying now. I feel weaker than I already am.

“Y-You don’t have to be s-strong, d-dad. Y-You can cry…”

“Oh, B-Bright… You know how much I l-love y-you, son. If only I can give you everything.”

“A-And I-I love you m-more, dad.”

We both know that this might be our goodbyes but we didn’t say it out loud. I never wanted to see him crying like this but it’s better to not see him at all. I was silently crying with him.

My heart monitor alarms again and all I can remember was chaos.

Is it possible to have your mind at peace in the midst of chaos? Because I know my mind is at peace now. This moment reminds me of dad always asking me what I want for my birthday. I know he would ask me again for what I want tomorrow… but I know we wouldn’t be able to have that moment again.

Finally closing my eyes, I uttered my one last wish.